We drive in silence, the atmosphere between us charged with emotions that neither of us dare liberate. From time to time I catch a glimpse of his face in the oncoming headlights. Apprehensive, tired, relieved, but unburdened.
That nebulous figure who has undulated for months on the fringe of my consciousness, and sometimes even my dreams, now has a name, a history, an identity. And probably a future.
He stops the car in our driveway and rubs his hands wearily across his eyes.
“I’m shattered,” he says.
And so am I.
castelsarrasin 
Now you’ve got me. Who are these two? Strangers, re-discovered love, or long distance.
Take me a while to decide I think!
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Dear Sandra,
Your story has me trying to piece together the clues to reveal who did what to whom, when and why. Your narrator is speaking on many levels and I am going to keep my eyes on the comments section for more clues.
Aloha,
Doug
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Thanks Sue and Doug – I won’t spill the beans until later. Other assumptions might be better than the one I had in mind …
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Sandra, I thought that was a brilliant take on the prompt and I love in particular your first paragraph, which captures the distance that remains in familiarity. I thought it like a French film, then I saw that you live in France…
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Me too. It is a lovely slice of life, but I can not for the life of me, figure out how this was inspired by the prompt! Nicely written, though.
Lindaura
http://fictionvictimtoo@blogspot.com
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Ms Glamoura, I assumed the key word was “shattered” that connected the prompt to the story… Sandra can correct me if I’m overthinking. And welcome to the Friday Fictioneers, Sandra!
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Thanks for commenting Carlos and Lindaura. Yup, I looked no further than ‘shattered’ when the photo was posted, I’m afraid. Thanks for the welcome, Carlos. This has been a really interesting couple of hours seeing the different takes on the prompt.
We don’t actually live in France, Carlos, we just spend a lot of time there on our barge and you can’t help being influenced by the French and their customs.
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I really Loved this. This figure you speak of…very intriguing and I’m thinking it is perhaps a third party of sorts. I really am interested in learning more! Well done!
My link is here: http://quillshiv.wordpress.com/2012/02/24/let-flow-what-is-left/
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Thanks for commenting. Glad you liked it.
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I thought this was a husband and wife (for me, there was a comfortable feeling between them that suggested they were a long-term couple) returning home from some big event but I wasn’t sure what – I wondered about the trial of their son’s killer or something, but the “And probably a future” line didn’t seem to match the relief of the rest of the piece, so I’m not sure. I’ll be keeping an eye out for clues.
Mine is here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/02/24/friday-fiction-14/
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Wow! Some of the scenarios on here are way better than the reality of this piece.
Thanks for commenting.
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Oooo! I can’t wait to know what is going on. You’ve done a great job capturing my attention and still keeping everything shrouded in mystery. I’ve decided it’s woman who’s meeting her biological father for the first time, but I want to know where you’re actually taking this!
Mine’s here:
http://threedescriptors.wordpress.com/2012/02/24/flash-fiction-10-bones/
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Now that’s a different take on it; wish I’d thought of that. Thanks for commenting.
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I have so many ideas floating around in my mind about this one. It’s incredibly ambiguous (in a good way) but the theory I like the most is how this long-suffering couple has finally conceived during a trip somewhere. The ‘nebulous figure’ felt like the child she has been seeing in her heart for a long time, finally coming into being inside her – and the future of their little family looks rosey.
Could explain why they’re shattered, too. “Like bunnies” and all that…
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I’d no idea there were so many ways of construing this piece. Thanks so much for commenting.
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You leave me questioning and wanting for more. This is well written and intriguing.
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Thanks for commenting. Glad you enjoyed it.
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Bummer! The affair has been revealed….Great post! Are those her bones that lay in the future? Hahaha!
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Thanks for commenting. I guess some wives don’t take prisoners when they’ve been cheated on.
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I read three characters, but by the end I wondered if I was wrong and there were only two. Robin
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Thanks for commenting. Two or three? Hmmm…
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I get tension from this piece. It reminded me of the stress of having a loved one in the hospital, though I’m unsure if that was your intent.
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Yet another take on the story … 🙂 Thanks for commenting, I’m getting some great ideas from these responses.
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This one is a mystery. I’ll be thinking about this for a while.
Here’s mine; http://postcardfiction.com/2012/02/24/forgotten/
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Thanks for commenting. I wish I could get my flashes down to your word-count.
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Hi Sandra,
I was completely captured by that great first sentence and then spent time trying to interpret the clues to what is happening. I thought reading the comments might help, but I’m still unsure, though I agree with Carlos that the word shattered is key. I think this is a great intro to a larger story.
Here’s mine: http://bridgesareforburning.wordpress.com/
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Thanks for commenting. I’m thinking how to develop this into something more.
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This is really well written and you maintain the sense of ambiguity really well. My gut reaction to this was picturing a couple returning from an ultrasound and yet analysis of the second paragraph suggests to me the discovery of a bilogical parent or similar. Very intriguing and atmospheric 🙂
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oops *biological* parent… tut… spotted just as I hit ‘post comment’
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Thanks for commenting so kindly. Another different interpretation of the story!
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I agree with the comments that have gone before–the story has sooooooo many possibilities. The mystery remains and I’m eager to see where you take it. Mine: http://vsta.pr/zxAJ1y.
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Hi there, thanks for commenting. Yes ‘shattered’ was the key word for the flash. I think some great stories are emerging in my mind from the suggestions I’ve read here.
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Yes…you too left me wondering about the text and its relationship to the picture. Thank you for sharing…and now I wait.
~Susan (Here’s mine: http://www.susanwenzel.com/)
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Thanks for commenting Susan; the unveiling is in the post below. The woman’s world has been shattered by the confirmation of fears she’d been trying to ignore.
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What I see is a shattered marriage or relationship. She’d already known he was cheating and chose to remain in denial, which could no longer be supported when he confessed. Or perhaps she hadn’t been in denial but hadn’t fully delved deep enough to confirm her suspicions. I loved how you said all that without saying it. LOL. Of course, that’s only *my* interpretation, which could be all wrong. But I loved the story.
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You and an earlier poster got it in one, Madison. But now that I’ve read all the other interpretations of my piece, I think I could have done so much better. This exercise has helped me one of my recurring issues, my inability to see my work through other peoples’ eyes. I really felt that this was so obvious. Much food for thought here.
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It’s a fine line to know how much reveal you want to give, but sometimes it also depends on the audience how much is appropriate. I find for scifi/fantasy readers, they like the mystery and innuendos more.
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What’s the figure? Oh, you’re flash leave me hanging. Definitely makes me want to know what’s going on.
http://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/02/24/bare-bones/
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Thank you for commenting. The ‘reveal’ is posted above.
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Nebulous is the part which best describes the whole. Perhaps because I was fixated on the image, I had difficulty tying the clues together. It is wonderful how careful use of innuendo can create a dozen different stories for a dozen different readers. Very nice work!
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Thank you for commenting. I thought I’d posted a reply to you here, but I see it’s not here. (It will probably appear twice now :() I was surprised too at how many different interpretations were made here.
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I must admit, you got me. I broke out into a big grin when I read the second-to-last line! Even then the subtext escaped me until I read Madison’s comment. That’s such a unique way of taking the prompt. Very well played!
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Thank you Jake; there’s another explanation below in my response to littlewonder2.
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will keep a tab on this for more updates….as of now, i can’t make a head way with it. I can see the link to the prompt coming Afterwards as the title suggests…Welcome to FridayFictioneers!
here’s mine:
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Thanks for commenting. Sorry it’s a bit obscure. 😦
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Just saying I will watch out for more clues from the comments…Thanks!
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This is a delicious mystery of who’s who. I think the beauty of this writing lies not in knowing how these shattered pieces of reality and dreams fit together, but that they just do.
Here’s mine: http://wp.me/s1Tjpv-fragile
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Thank you for commenting. I’m pleased it worked for you.
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As much as this leaves the story open to interpretation, I think this one does too much. I didn’t know that was possible, but I suppose it is, because this one is completely scarce of a tie-in, and isn’t that the point of responding to a prompt?
I can imagine being inspired to write a completely separate story based on a prompt. But I can see this one’s not.
Don’t get me wrong; I love this piece. It’s so well felt, and I’m sure “I’m shattered” has some hidden double entendre to it that I can’t figure out. I just don’t know what’s behind this story. I believe in a subtle yet clear style, but clarity is just as important, I think.
Mine’s here, though, in case you’re interested:
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I think perhaps there’s a problem in the language here. I was using two interpretations of the same word, and the word came from the prompt.
When I looked at the photo, I didn’t see bones. I saw ‘shattered’ rock. In England, we use the term ‘shattered’ colloquially to mean exhausted, spent, so one might say ‘I’m shattered’ meaning (in other vernacular) ‘I’m bushed’ or ‘I’m knackered’ (not polite!). So (because the man has confirmed her worst fears – ie there is another woman) the relationship is shattered, the man is tired from the strain of confession, and the woman as a wife is shattered. Sorry it was obscure.
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The relationship between your text and Madison’s photo left me confused. At first, I thought she was being kidnapped…then I realized the clue to the piece is in the word “shattered”.. I believe it’s at the end of this ride when she realizes it’s the end and the marriage is “over.” Am I right? Or way off base? Here’s mine:
http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com
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Thanks for commenting. Yes, it was a surprise to me that it wasn’t more obvious.
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there’s a lot of hidden meaning in this piece! Ack! I need more clues to figure it out but what you have is very intriguing. Nice how you worked in shattered. Well done!
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Hi Jeannie, the ‘reveal’ as they say, is in my responses above. I promise to look more carefully at next week’s prompt. 🙂
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Wow. Powerful writing and subtle, Sandra. It took me a long time to realize the “nebulous figure” at the fringe of her consciousness was the “other woman”, so-to-speak (could have been a man, I suppose). I thought it might be a real ghost from the past, a person who affected their lives with revelations of a murder or a usurped inheritance (it must be the paranormal side of me). Either way it can be a great start to a larger story.
Siobhan
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Actually Siobhan, that’s a good idea – the other person being a man. Hmmm! Thanks for commenting. 🙂
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Very cryptic, yet drew me in.
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Thanks for commenting. 🙂
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It seems as though the comments have really covered the options here, and I just want to say that I didn’t mind not knowing exactly what the scenario was. It seemed to me that building emotion was the key here — building tension and then relief. The potentialities are lovely, and impressively established in so little space.
Thanks for sharing! Here’s mine: http://thecolorlime.wordpress.com/2012/02/24/to-starve-98/
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Thanks for commenting. I enjoyed participating this week, and I particularly enjoyed your submission which is very topical. Good one.
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Pingback: A Betting Man – Friday Fictioneers February 2015 | castelsarrasin
I’ll admit to not getting the point, Sandra but then again, it is much harder without the image, isn’t it?
😉 Tay.
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I don’t know why the photos sometimes disappear on historical posts. I’ve noticed that before. It was actually some fossilised bones as I recall, but to me it looked like something that had shattered.
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