This week’s photo prompt from Madison Wood’s Friday Fictioneers is here:
Louella’s family fenced their land with barbed wire – probably to keep out riff-raff like us.
But we were wild, we could get anywhere we wanted to, and we got onto their land. When Louella found us we thought she’d be mad, but she seemed pleased and was real nice to my brother.
He met her often after that, sneaking under the wire, doing God knows what down by the bushes near the stream.
When his body was found, flesh hanging in strips, blood flushing the stream pink, we realised how wrong we’d been.
The fence was to keep Louella in.
castelsarrasin 
Omg! This is why you have to respect fences! Good job! Here’s mine! http://createrealitylivelife.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/flash-fiction-story/
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Thanks for commenting Amanda.
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Whoa. Nice job of telling a whole lot of story in few words.
here’s my offering http://www.rochelle-wisoff.blogspot.com
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Thank you Rochelle.
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Awesome story with an unexpected twist. I love it!
My attempt: http://authorbrandonscott.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/when-hope-dies/
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Thanks Brandon, been to yours, terrific.
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Twist!
Louella is a great name, for an evil character.
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Louella, rhymes with Cruella. As in 101 Dalmatians.
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I had thought of that!
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Very nice. I would love to hear more about Louella. She seems deliciously evil.
http://jonathanmwright.wordpress.com/2012/04/25/only-100/
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Thanks for commenting Jonathon. 🙂
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Oh, wow, that ending was unexpected and great!
Thanks for the comments on mine.
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Glad you liked it.
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Oh No! This is so sad. And written beautifully, with a twist that had me asking why. Unfortunately, realisation came too late for the narrator. One moment happy, with care free attitude and some fun in breaking the rules, and the next moment painful reality as the truth dawns. Wonderful! Here is mine: http://createrealitylivelife.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/flash-fiction-story/
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That’s life I guess. 🙂 Thanks for commenting.
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Once again, a graceful and very well written story, Sandra. A tale representing an eternal question: whether barriers are intended to prevent invasion or escape. This story was made particularly effective by the suggestion of class, the exclusion of the “wild” outsiders. Really good.
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Glad you liked it Carlos. 🙂 And thank you.
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Ooooooh. I giggled thinking the two were getting it on…then ZAP… you got me! What a shocking twist…and gruesome sight for the sister…to find him that way. Nice job. Tks to Madison, a great variety of takes on the prompt this week. Here’s mine…a tad lighter.
http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com
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Thanks for commenting Lora. 🙂
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Nice twist! At first I thought it may be a bunch of small animals that Louella was feeding/taking care of, but then it took a real turn and everything went sour for the brother. Very well done.
Mine’s here:
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Yes, I wondered about the use of the term ‘wild’ and whether it might mislead. Thanks for commenting.
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The misdirection was something I especially liked, it made the ending seem that much more unexpected.
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Wow! Nice tone. Louella was obviously nuts. But the mood seems so pleasant until the twist at the end. Nice piece
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Yes, she’s a real killer that Louella. 🙂 Thanks for dropping by.
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For a moment I thought Louelle was just a child and the real demon was a parent or some strange uncle. Nice twist, you caught me looking the other way.
Here’s mine: http://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/
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Thanks for commenting, glad you liked it.
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Whoa! This went from a romance to a horror in my mind in seconds. Scary lady. No trespassing isn’t a guideline.
My attempt: http://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/04/26/sharp/
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Thanks for commenting.
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Once again, your female character is powerful. Even if we never hear from her. The twists make me smile at the end.
Thanks for stopping by mine.
Erin
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Mmm, I think Louella likes to work in the background … 😦 Thanks for commenting Erin.
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For what started out as a seemingly whimsical memoir to end up mired in such dark horror… wow, really well done. A second read gives the line about her welcoming them a completely different feel. Nice work. A gruesome tale that will linger 🙂
Thanks for the kind words and good catch on mine:
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Thanks for commenting Andy; I think Louella was delighted to find them. 🙂
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Whoa, gives a whole new meaning to the idea of protection and protected – great job there 🙂
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Thanks Linda, glad you liked it.
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You’re welcome, I’m already looking forward to your next one 🙂
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Wow! Talk about an unexpected and completely terrifying ending. Great job 😀
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Thanks Jess, and for commenting.
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Suspenseful and the ending really delivers!
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Glad you liked it, thanks for dropping by.
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Such a sweet start. Great twist in the end and suitably dark.
Here’s mine
http://tollykitsjourney.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/flash-fiction-story-3-for-fridayfictioneers-flashfiction/
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Thank you!
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Thanks for commenting. 🙂
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Most excellent! Very well written and my favorite of all of yours, by far! Great job!
~Susan (Here’s mine: http://www.susanwenzel.com)
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Thank you Susan, glad you liked it.
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I love the ending of this flash! What a marvelous twist!
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Thanks Susie. 🙂
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Well you suddenly gave us a switchback there, Sandra. Now I’m wondering all sorts of things about Louella and I’m loving it. Nicely done, from start to finish.
I’m over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/friday-fiction-soul-memories/
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Thank you. Really liked yours.
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Fantastic curve ball at the end, Sandra. The easy flow drew me in and then WHAM! 😀 Great job.
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Thanks Cara, glad you liked it.
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Oooh, didn’t see that coming. Loved this one.
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Thanks for commenting 🙂
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What a twist! A sharp turn of events… I thought this was a sweet country side romance between teenagers. The turn came when it was least expected. I could imagine a mental (maybe physical too) smile vanish and turn into a grim concern as I read the lines. Very nicely done!
Parul
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Thank you! 🙂
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Whoa! What a spectacularly creepy story, Sandra! Nicely done. 😀
Here’s mine:
http://siobhanmuir.blogspot.com/2012/04/another-200-words-for-fridayfictioneers.html
Siobhan
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Thanks Siobhan, just been to yours – a cracker!
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Ahhh, you are back to your fantastic storytelling form – with your nasty sting in the tale. Great. perfect. I am your fan.
Laura
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Thanks Lindaura! 🙂 There’s nowhere better for a sting than in short fiction, I think.
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Ooohhh. Very good. Build us up and then BAM! I like this story–one of my faves so far.
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Thanks Caerlynn, so pleased. 🙂
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Nice twist!
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Thanks Janet. 🙂
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Oh very grim and gruesome! So innocent at first and then wham! you moved in for the kill. I liked your use of the word ‘wild’ to describe the kids. And I liked how the story came back around to the fence once our perceptions had been altered.
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Yes I debated over that word ‘wild’ for a while, but couldn’t seem to let it go. Thanks for commenting.
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Hahaha! Is it wrong to laugh at such a gruesome story? Very nice twist; that’s what microfiction is all about.
http://the-drabbler.com/trespass/
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Never wrong to laugh at horror Robert. My view anyway. Thanks for commenting.
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Thanks for commenting on my story so early and sorry it took me a while to get over here … but it was worth the wait. The story is bracketed by images of being fenced out and being fenced in, and your deft use of those opposites is what provides the sudden, unexpected twist at the end. Like others have said, I thought there was some hanky-panky going on between Luella and the brother, not homicidal enticements. But there are other opposites are at play here, as well: Louella’s family is landed, while the “wild riff-raff” come and go as they please; the wild riff-raff seem to be the outsiders, but Louella is the real outsider (technically, and “insider”). Nice play on dualities.
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Thanks for your in-depth comments Scott. Appreciated.
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Well, that will keep me from crossing any fences anytime soon. I like how you let us roll with the premise that the fence was to keep things out up until the very end. Well done, and I enjoyed it.
Here’s mine:
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Thanks for commenting, glad you enjoyed it.
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Dear Sandra,
That was excellent, excellent, excellent! Even the name Louella was somehow fitting. Lovely tempo and pitch, clever twist along with a perfectly timed reveal. Said it before and I’ll say it again: You’re good.
Aloha,
Doug
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Hi Doug. I’m blushing. 🙂 It was an interesting prompt this week, though my take on it was fairly literal. Others really explored the ramifications of barbed wire, including yourself. Take care.
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Brilliant – such a quick change of tone and a great twist, really good and for some reason makes me think of Nick Cave’s album The Murder Ballads (one of my favourite albums) which is the highest of compliments.
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Thanks Sean. Was it ‘Henry Lee’ you had in mind? Anyway, glad you liked it. 🙂
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Ha! Fantastic twist that I didn’t see coming.
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Thanks Michael. Pleased I could surprise you. Thanks for commenting.
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WOW, what an amazing twist at the end. Louella is a very dangerous woman. Truthfully I expected the family to be a level of evil, not Louella herself. Actually I’m not really sure of either. I’d love to see more of this story. Great share.
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Thanks Atiya; appreciate your dropping by.
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Loved it! Such a great twist on the purpose of the fence. Even though I’ve come to expect you to take me by surprise, you still take me by surprise!
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Thanks Judee; glad you liked it, and that I can still surprise you. 🙂
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wow, just wow!!
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Thanks for dropping by.
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Thanks for dropping by. 🙂
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Way to just smack me over the head with a 2×4! Brilliant story, Sandra! You’re my kind of writer!!
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Thank you John, glad you liked it, and I’m flattered. 🙂
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well i’m a fan; maybe it’s the way i read it but the calmness of the narrator gives the story an added sinister depth….like she wasn’t the biggest fan of her brother perhaps….
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Thanks for commenting; I did wonder about the detachment of the voice in this piece.
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well like i say, i think it added another dimension
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VERY interesting. Not everything is as it seems.
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Thanks for commenting Nellie.
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that’s what i like. a twist in the last sentence. great.
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Thank you 🙂
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Brilliant and gruesome ending. Loved it. Thank’s for your comments on mine. 🙂
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Thanks Jan. 🙂
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Nice!
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