You Called…? (Friday Fictioneers, May 2012)

Posted on May 10, 2012 by Sandra

Madison Woods’ Friday Fictioneers photo prompt for this week.

“Nothing’s happening, let’s go.”

“Just one more try.”

The twins peered nervously at the surrounding forest.  Melissa could be very intense, and she was scaring them now.

Melissa resumed her incantation.  She’d called it a Wiccan invocation; in reality she was just making stuff up as she went along.

The clouds parted, bathing the clearing in pale moonlight

“Look!”

A trail of hoof-shaped indentations was advancing stealthily towards them, flattening the grass beneath.

The twins screamed.

Invisible icy hands gripped Melissa’s neck and foetid breath assailed her nostrils.

“So very kind of you, my dear … now, who’s first?”

About Sandra

I used to cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and wrote fiction and poetry. Now I live on the beautiful Dorset coast, enjoying the luxury of being able to have a cat, cultivating an extensive garden and getting involved in the community. I still write fiction, but only when the spirit moves me - which isn't as often as before. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
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109 Responses to You Called…? (Friday Fictioneers, May 2012)

  1. Brandon Scott says:
    May 10, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    I guess she made up the wrong stuff as she went, or would it have showed up regardless of what she said? This is why you should never trust anyone named Melissa. Trust me, I know from first hand experience. I have a sister named Melissa. 🙂

    “Invisible icy hands ice gripped…” Typo?

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  2. Carlos Repuesto de la Tabla says:
    May 10, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    The best unlaid unplans… don’t mess with Mother Nature – or the Father of Lies! Very nicely told, as always.

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  6. Jeannie says:
    May 11, 2012 at 4:13 am

    Lord have mercy! They’ve been got!! What a story in so few words. It gave me goosebumps!

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  7. V. L. Gregory-Pohlenz says:
    May 11, 2012 at 5:55 am

    Ooooooh, dabbled in the wrong incantations–wonder how she’s going to break the spell and send that creature with the icy hands and foul breath “back.” Well done–wonderfully spooky.

    Mine: http://www.vlgregory-circa1800.vpweb.com/blog.html

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  8. teschoenborn says:
    May 11, 2012 at 6:49 am

    Hmm, maybe they shouldn’t have messed with what they didn’t understand? Nicely done.

    Here’s mine:http://teschoenborn.com/2012/05/10/friday-fictioneers-et-wannabe/

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  9. sphrbn says:
    May 11, 2012 at 7:43 am

    Wow, what a story in a matter of 100 words. Haunting, creepy, great, I wouldn’t want to read this on Halloween, haha.

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  10. Linda says:
    May 11, 2012 at 7:52 am

    It just goes to show what happens when you play with things you don’t understand – really nice and a very simple fable 🙂

    Here’s mine: http://womanontheedgeofreality.com/2012/05/11/friday-fictioneers-painting-creation/

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  11. dmmacilroy says:
    May 11, 2012 at 8:52 am

    Dear Sandra,

    Ad libbing can be dangerous. A marvelous story that ends poorly for some and nicely for the one called. Wicked, you are to your characters.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    You’ve visited the moon with me and I thank you. This link is for others lost in the woods tonight.

    Last of the First

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  12. rochellewisoff says:
    May 11, 2012 at 10:18 am

    Creepy. Good writing.

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  13. EmmaMc says:
    May 11, 2012 at 11:42 am

    Wonderfully wicked. The icy hands, chilling!

    #Friday Fictioneers – Blindsighted

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  14. Lindaura Glamoura says:
    May 11, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    Charming cautionary tale about messing with magic. I always warned my little kid’s covens not to play with fire. You never know what you might stir up.
    I really did – and I really do believe that somehow, even though I don’t actually believe in anything except that “Anything is possible.”
    I hope that helps make me a good writer…
    Yours, as ever,
    Laura
    http://fictionvictimtoo.blogspot.com

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  18. joannalazuliportals says:
    May 11, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    Wonderfully spooky and I think the twins’ evening has just got a lot worse….well done.

    Ours is here, at 160 words: http://www.lazuli-portals.com/flash-fiction/moon-and-sky

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  19. Caerlynn Nash says:
    May 11, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    Nice tension. Well done!

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  20. littlewonder2 says:
    May 11, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    I laughed up the line about her making up the Wiccan stuff. But creepy cool ending. 🙂

    Friday Fictioneers – The Night

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  21. Jeffrey Hollar says:
    May 11, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    Wow…hate it when that happens. This is definitely a very nice blend of humor and horror (in my mind).

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  22. KT McClure says:
    May 11, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    Kids, what are you gonna do? And I always enjoy a sense of gleeful evil.
    Kathy

    http://notforallmarkets.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/stay/

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  23. theforgottenwife says:
    May 11, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    Amazingly scary! Loved it – totally got goosebumps! Here’s mine:http://theforgottenwife.com/2012/05/11/friday-fictioneers/

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  24. April M. Galloway @AMelodyGalloway says:
    May 11, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    Very good example of “be careful what you ask for.” Nicely done. Here’s mine: http://melodypearson.com/flash-fiction/friday-fictioneers-photo-prompt/

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  25. Russell says:
    May 11, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    I jump to the conclusion that this is the goat-like demon, Azazel, from the hoof prints. A nice haunting tale. I hope there’s a hero somewhere near by.

    thanks for visiting mine. here’s the link for others http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/

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  26. Sheila says:
    May 11, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    I love this! I was right there with them,holding my breath. Great job!

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  27. Wakefield Mahon says:
    May 11, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    That will teach you to play with things you don’t understand. A very realistic flow, excellent imagery. Nice work!

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  28. Amanda Gray says:
    May 11, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    The foolishness of youth to dabble in the forbidden thinking it a game. Very well done.
    Mine is short this week http://createrealitylivelife.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/friday-flash-fiction-2/

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  29. siobhanmuir says:
    May 11, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    Aieeeee! Run! Okay, deep breath. Great story, Sandra. I loved the suspense and Melissa’s thought she was doing something completely innocent. Then the hoof prints! Eep! Loved it.

    Thanks for commenting on mine. Here it is for others:
    http://siobhanmuir.blogspot.com/2012/05/watchers-100words-for-fridayfictioneers.html

    Siobhan

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    • Sandra says:
      May 12, 2012 at 6:35 am

      Thanks Siobhan. It was hard to convey the vision of footprints from an invisible persona, especially with a word restriction. I’m still not sure I completely achieved that.

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  30. bridgesareforburning says:
    May 11, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    Be careful what you ask for. You may surely get it! Great story!
    My story is here: http://bridgesareforburning.wordpress.com/

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  31. janmorrill says:
    May 11, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    Whoa! That’s what I call a hard lesson. Well done. I felt the impending doom with each sentence!

    –Jan

    #FlashFriday #Fictioneers: He’s Watching

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  32. writelindy says:
    May 11, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    Great. I felt like wagging a finger at her to warn her. Love this one. Just clocked that you are a F1 fan. Enjoy this weekend’s viewing.

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    • Sandra says:
      May 12, 2012 at 6:38 am

      Thanks Lindy. I am soooo looking forward to watching it live this weekend (we don’t have Sky). I don’t think the BBC realises that to follow the true race picture you need to know who’s pitted, who’s on which tyres etc, so edited highlights just don’t cut it for me.

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  33. Brian Benoit says:
    May 11, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    A nice twist with her fake incantation backfiring. You set just the right spooky mood to make that last line really stick. Well done!

    -Brian (http://pinionpost.com/2012/05/11/the-runaway/)

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  34. Lora Mitchell says:
    May 11, 2012 at 8:33 pm

    …”bathing the clearing in pale moonlight..” Lovely and poetic in a creepy setting. Foetid breath. Good word…had to look it up, even though I knew what it meant. I want to think the darkness and moonlight got the best of their imaginations and it’s their bratty, older brother scaring the bejeezus out of them. lol. Thanks for visiting me.

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  35. Jess Schira says:
    May 11, 2012 at 10:09 pm

    That’ll teach them to mess with things they don’t understand. Excellent job with this week’s prompt 🙂

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  36. glossarch says:
    May 12, 2012 at 1:58 am

    “Don’t trust strange incantations.” Anti-superstitious as I am, I will not look in the mirror and do the whole Bloody Mary thing. Because who knows? What happened to the twins…might happen to me!

    There was only one thing that tripped me up slightly, and I wasn’t going to mention it except that Lora liked the word. It’s interesting because it broke the spell a little bit for me, so perhaps it’s just individual taste that makes Lora and I have opposite reactions.

    Here’s mine:

    Persistence #Friday Fictioneers

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    • Sandra says:
      May 12, 2012 at 6:42 am

      That’s interesting. I don’t think I’ve ever used foetid before; Although I knew how it was truly spelt, I put ‘fetid’ at first and the ‘checker’ picked it up for correction. Thanks for commenting.

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  37. elmowrites says:
    May 12, 2012 at 2:07 am

    Fascinating take on the prompt, Sandra, I wonder whether that was what Melissa intended, and whether the offer is a positive one or not (I fear not!).
    I’m over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/friday-fiction-halloween/

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  38. erinleary says:
    May 12, 2012 at 2:11 am

    Oh my goodness. A tale of innocence turns macabre….very nice, indeed.

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  39. Carrie says:
    May 12, 2012 at 3:58 am

    see, you never should hang out int he woods at night speaking strange words. You never know who will show up! Nicely done

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  40. Gary says:
    May 12, 2012 at 8:56 am

    Messing with things beyond their comprehension, only to disturb the slumber of something far worse than they could ever imagine in their darkest nightmares…some twisted being with an equally twisted sense of humour!

    Though I’m not sure what it says about me that I laughed… 😉

    #FridayFictioneers: Moonlight Sonata

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  41. newpillowbook says:
    May 12, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    Be careful what you wish for! Those unintended consequences will come back to bite you.

    My version – http://newpillowbook.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/friday-fictioneers-lunacy/

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  42. Mike says:
    May 12, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    Scary. As others have already said we should be careful what we ask for, you never know just who might be listening.

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  43. JKBradley says:
    May 12, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    Excellent. You should always mind what you say, particularly if you haven’t a clue about what you are saying. This is a lesson for all.

    Here’s mine: http://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/2012/05/10/flash-fiction-friday-3/

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  44. Madison Woods says:
    May 12, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    Hey, I like that reminder there on your comment comment. If you want to disable the option to follow comments, you can from the ‘Discussions’ heading. But it disables for the entire blog, just comments not blog follows though.

    As for your story, I liked it. Your girl should have been more careful what she asked for!

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  45. yaral says:
    May 12, 2012 at 7:30 pm

    She definitely got more than she bargained for. Nice Job
    here’s mine http://yaralwrites.com/

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  46. Gilly Gee says:
    May 12, 2012 at 8:11 pm

    Very scarey! I feel like i’m in the presence of a great talent.

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  49. writingbothsides says:
    May 13, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    This is excellent. The footprints bring it right home. Sharp and focused writing.

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  50. Judee says:
    May 13, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    Poor Melissa, too bad she won’t have a chance to learn from her experience. Great job Sandra.

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  51. Sonia Lal says:
    May 13, 2012 at 10:03 pm

    creepy last line!

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  52. Amy Reese says:
    August 7, 2015 at 4:58 am

    Such a fresh look at a witch’s tale. I like that she didn’t know what she was getting into. What a chilling end!

    I really like this sentence: A trail of hoof-shaped indentations was advancing stealthily towards them, flattening the grass beneath. Great work!

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    • Sandra says:
      August 7, 2015 at 7:08 am

      Thanks Amy. That was a difficult concept to get into words. I remember seeing it on an old Quatermass film, with footprints advancing towards the victim in gravel, but it’s hard to describe.

      Like

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  53. Inside the Mind of Isadora says:
    August 7, 2015 at 5:31 pm

    An intense story for the same photo prompt as August 5, 2015. It was scary. Another great write, Sandra. 😎

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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