This week’s photo prompt on Madison Woods’ Friday Fictioneers came courtesy of Stacy Plowright. I’ve done funny, I’ve done sci-fi, I’ve done menacing. It’s time for one that’s just downright depressing! 😦
We watched from the balcony as the storm growled its way across the suburbs towards us. Through our laced fingers, I could feel the tremors in her hand, the opening salvo of this affliction working its way like a malevolent tidal wave through her body.
“We’d better go inside,” I said, tugging gently at her arm.
“You go; I’ll just be a minute.”
I poured a glass of water, laying her chemo pills on a tray. Grey and blue ones; another gathering storm.
Lightning hissed, thunder exploded above.
I turned, and she was gone.
“My way,” she’d said.
No goodbyes.
castelsarrasin 
Dear Sandra,
Sorry, but this was in no way depressing. There is no better way than ‘my’ way. Your story was perfect for the prompt as well. “You go, I’ll just be a mintue” can be read two ways. Did you write it that way on purpose. Loved this tale, my dear early bird.
Aloha,
Doug
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I agree with Doug! Not depressing at all. Maybe because your writing is just so real for lack of a better word. Nothing is forced. Every choice your characters make, every word they speak, seems inevitable. Mind if I follow?
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Not at all Paul; you’re very welcome. And thank you for the nice comments. I’m glad you liked it.
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Hi fellow early bird! Originally I had, “you go, I’ll be there in a minute” which I suppose is equally ambiguous. In fact it might have been better now that I think about it. The other change I made was to change the story from ‘him’ to ‘her’. Amazingly, I felt much more comfortable about that, though I can’t articulate why.
Have a good night. Thanks for commenting.
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I wouldn’t call it depressing but I would call it a story of a sad time. Beautifully written Sandra!
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Thank you! I appreciate your dropping by.
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Very nice, a bit of sad, still I really like it.
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Glad you liked it; thanks for commenting.
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Excellent grasping of the opportunity! You capture just the right details with the gathering storm, the pill colors, the parting of the interlaced fingers. It’s a gasper, though! And I’m glad you have a denouement instead of just an empty balcony at the last.
Here’s mine: http://wrasselings.blogspot.com/2012/08/friday-fictioneers-clouds-in-toronto.html
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Thanks Cindy; glad you liked it.
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Beautiful writing Sandra. Very moving.
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Thanks Claire, for dropping by and commenting.
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Love what you did with this. She found her freedom.
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Thank you !
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There’s a lot of beautiful, hidden, melancholy meaning in these words. Excellent work, as always, Sandra. Your heroines are always full of life and strength, even at the edge of it.
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Thanks Mayumi-H; I appreciate your comments.
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“I could feel the tremors in her hand, the opening salvo of this affliction working its way like a malevolent tidal wave through her body”–perceptive description of the devastation which lay in wait for the patient.
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vb, I liked the same sentence. Sandra, wow!
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Thank you both. I find it difficult to write this kind of thing but it’s been worth the effort for the comments this week.
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Hon, not depressing. Depressing is torturing yourself with medicines that don’t help in the hope of surviving for another week or so. Although, I’ve been told the new medications aren’t as devastating as before. I think the line “You go; I’ll just be a minute.” was perfect. It projected just the right balance of ambiguity and truth.
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Thanks for commenting Melody. I find the subject of chemo doubly horrifying so it wasn’t easy to touch upon it here.
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Oh! How terribly sad. I really can see this. The horror of suffering through a cancer, and taking her life, shortened by what is left of one terminally ill? Very real images, and can see where it may be a reality to some who suffer so. My heart aches for the loved one, (husband or son?) who watches with horror.
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Thanks for commenting Joyce. I usually write from the female point of view, and when I wrote this the other person was a ‘he’. Then I changed the other person to a ‘she’ and found it immediately added depth to the story. At first I read it as a mother/daughter relationship, and then as two female partners and then two sisters, and each time I found it changed the dynamic of the story. I’ve not had this happen to me before and I might try applying this to future stories to see whether it enhances or diminishes the story.
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Yes. A POV (point of view) is so important along with plot, and worth trying new ways to tell a story. It worked really well the way you told it.
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“My way,” she’d said. No goodbyes.” what a stunning few lines. This really is a whole story, beautifully told.
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I found this to be empowering.
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not totally depressing but sad. Sad that she felt she had to make that type of choice
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This is a beautiful story which made me think about a good friend who’s currently going through a similar situation. You did a wonderful job weaving a story around the prompt.
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Thanks for commenting Jess. I’m sorry about your friend, and hope all goes as well as it can.
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Bravo! I had instant admiration for her command over her own life, and her courage.
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Pingback: Satisfaction Brought them Back « ironwoodwind
A stellar piece, Sandra. I’ll have to go back and read it again to savor it. It seems the clouds took us to similar places. i’m #18 on the list.
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Thanks Rochelle, I’ll drop by yours as soon as I’ve made my morning coffee! 🙂
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it was beautiful, but she should have said goodbye. maybe she already had. I hope for his sake.
nicely done, it makes me think.
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Thanks for commenting Bill. I don’t know whether I would.
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I’m with the other commenters, Sandra – not depressing, just beautiful and sad. I looked at those people on the balcony for a long time, but couldn’t fit them into the story I went with in the end. I’m glad you have, and so movingly too.
I’m over here – http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/08/31/friday-fiction-white-pegasi/
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Thanks Jennifer, glad you enjoyed it.
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Well-written. Didn’t see it coming.
Scott
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Thanks Scott.
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This is very well-written and captures the essence of leaving this world “my way” perfectly. Such eloquence softens a difficult subject.
Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/for-the-world-is-hollow/
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It is a difficult subject Maggie, I hesitated to go there. Thanks for dropping by.
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A brilliant story, Sandra. Very poignant imagery and an excellent metaphoric take on the prompt, and very well written, diciton and all. I really love this piece. Well done. Mine is here: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/08/31/friday-fictioneers-harmattan-rain/
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Thank you, glad you liked it. 🙂
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Really liked the weaving of water images throughout
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Thanks Craig. 🙂
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What a great way to take one’s freedom. I’m sure this story could be sad but to fit cancer and know you might loose… She won her battle. Great story.
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Thanks for reading and commenting Atiya.
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There’s nothing depressing about this one Sandra. This one is all heart! What a talent you have!
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Thank you John! I’m glad you liked it.
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Sandra, you outdid yourself this week. I love the depth of this story and how every word contributes to the whole. The more I read it the smoother it flows. Great job.
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Thanks Roger, sometimes you spend ages clipping and deleting but this one seemed to write itself.
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Beautiful writing expressing real depth of feeling.
http://adrarasdreams.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/fridayfictioneers-storm.html
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Not depressing, just real feelings and search for solutions. Anyone, including me, who has faced catastrophic illness or who has had someone close to them face it understands. Very good take done with simplicity….
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