September Rain (#Wednesday Write-in, September 2012)

The morning rush-hour traffic was heavy, and Ellie’s progress along the high street was intermittent.  The rain trickled down the windscreen in concert with the tears slowly making their way down her cheeks, and at the traffic lights, she rummaged in her handbag for a tissue.

It was done.  She’d been dreading it for months, the fear and anxiety made even worse by the fact that there were no alternatives.  There had been no choices, she must remember that.

But Jacob’s crestfallen face swam again into her mind;  tears welled up once more and she dabbed carefully at her eyes.  There must be no trace of this when and if she finally reached the office; she’d have to pass it off as a cold or an allergy of some kind.

He hadn’t understood why she would do this, and the more she tried to explain, the less convincing the reasons sounded, even to her practiced ear.

“I thought you loved me,” he’d said slowly as she left, “please don’t go.”

But she had gone, hurrying with her head down, not daring to turn round, slipping over the newly fallen leaves lining the pathway to her car.

The traffic halted again and she groaned.  She would definitely be late.

Two school girls hurried along the pavement beside her car, their skinny bodies clad in raincoats and their white wellies patterned with ladybirds.  Thick braids lay heavily down their backs, glittering with raindrops, and she heard their screams of laughter as they jumped from puddle to puddle.  Not a care in the world, those two.

Her spirits lifted slightly.  It would be all right.  He would forgive her, take up the reins of a new life, and in time everything would be fine.

The queue of cars lurched forward again, and she switched on the radio.

Glancing up she caught sight of her swollen eyes in the rear view mirror and grimaced.

“Ellie Thompson, you really are a complete wuss.  Everybody’s child has to start school sometime.  Now get a grip, woman.”



About Sandra

I used to cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and wrote fiction and poetry. Now I live on the beautiful Dorset coast, enjoying the luxury of being able to have a cat, cultivating an extensive garden and getting involved in the community. I still write fiction, but only when the spirit moves me - which isn't as often as before. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
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8 Responses to September Rain (#Wednesday Write-in, September 2012)

  1. sue Cottrill says:

    Love this one Sandra


  2. Sandra says:

    My, you were fast off the mark this morning! This was inspired by your photo on Facebook, such a great moment. Talk to you soon, Sue.


  3. Ahh this is brilliant, you build up to that reveal so skilfully. I sort of guessed Jacob was a kid (something about crestfallen face was so childlike) but even the clue of the little girls didn’t give it away. I loved this, and reading it back with knowledge of the ending just drives home how close their relationship is. Lovely.


  4. beccaaudra says:

    I like the turning point of her spirits lifting coinciding with seeing the two school girls. ‘I thought you loved me’, oh the disillusionment. Brings back my first day! The way you’ve used the prompts really matches the story, like traffic jams after dropping your kids off is completely familiar, and the street life that you observe from your car. I just mention it as sometimes I think the way the prompts are used can seem stilted, but yours all perfectly fall into place 🙂


  5. Oh – great build op of tension and atmosphere leading us in one direction and then you whizz bang switch it up on us. Very nicely done, Sandra.


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