This week’s photo prompt for the Friday Fictioneers came courtesy of Piya Singh.
Such a beautiful summer…
I couldn’t believe it was true; he was total perfection, and incredibly wanted to be with me.
That day, we’d slithered down stone-flecked hillsides greased with September rains, to seek shelter in the ramshackle building. The dusty air crackled with the tension between us as we lay side by side.
Afterwards he told me it couldn’t happen again; it felt wrong, I was too young.
Afterwards, right?
The wheel creaked rhythmically as the stream rushed beneath the mill, and his neck cracked loudly, when his head became trapped in the spokes.
Everything changed that day.
Including me.
castelsarrasin 
Dearest Sandra,
Oh, How I laughed at the end of your story. From idyllic love to industrial accident to cautionary tale (for men). Will we ever learn? The answer, unfortunately, is no.
I love the quiet reservoir of rage that fuels your writing. This was one of your best.
Aloha,
Doug
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My husband is edging nervously towards the door. 🙂 Thanks for commenting Doug, glad you liked it. Looking forward to yours.
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I didn’t see that one coming! 🙂 “Afterwards, right?” is perfect and I like this phrase…”we’d slithered down stone-flecked hillsides greased with September rains” a lot.
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Thanks for dropping by, glad you liked it.
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Hah! I really wasn’t expecting that – even as far as ‘his neck cracked loudly’ didn’t warn me enough to expect the next few words. Brilliantly told.
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Yes, I think there was a distinct chill in the air ‘afterwards’. Thanks for commenting Claire.
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Ah, yes! The things we’ll say and do for a little “one-on-one” time. Not me, of course. But lots of other men. And no, we will never learn! Beautifully told. Pitch perfect.
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And women always take revenge Paul. Not me, of course, but lots of other women 🙂
Thanks for dropping by and commenting.
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Talk about bait-and-switch! Fantastic!!
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Hi Andrew, glad you liked it.
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As Dorothy said to the scarecrow: “I think I like you best of all.”
Excellent!
Scott
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Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it, Scott.
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He took her and she took revenge. She wasn’t so young after all. lol. Nice work. tks for visiting mine.
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Old enough to know how to retaliate. Of course, he could have just slipped… 🙂 Thanks for commenting Lora.
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What a wicked little tale, I thoroughly enjoyed it!
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Someone was wicked… thanks for dropping by and commenting.
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That was a wonder unexpected twist! Great story, enjoy it a lot.
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Thank you! Pleased you liked it.
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Oh he so deserved that! Great job!
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Didn’t he just! Thanks Tessa.
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I sure didn’t see that coming lol…very nice! Thanks always for stopping by mine
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Nor, I think, did he. Thanks for commenting.
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Nice twist…
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Thanks Raina.
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yikes — air crackling with tension — good thing — neck crackling in spokes — bad thing.
enjoyed it
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There’s always a down side Bill. Thanks for dropping by.
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Well, he should have been more sensible and not taken advantage shouldn’t he … I loved the ‘neck cracked loudly’ as I could just hear it in my mind. Brilliant 🙂
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He certainly should have been more sensible. Thanks for commenting Linda.
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You’re welcome Sandra 🙂
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Wow! I didn’t see that coming at all. Serves him right.
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I agree. Thanks for commenting.
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Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned…no matter how young. Well told, Sandra! Brilliant descriptions and plot with a twist Love it!
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Thanks Rochelle, glad you liked it.
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I like the contrast of the emotionalism in the beginning and the matter-of-fact tone “afterwards”. That young lady certainly grew up in a hurry….
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I’m afraid she did. Thanks for dropping by and commenting, I appreciate it.
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Wonderfully done. A sweet tale with a great twist–just the kind of story I love.
Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/diaspora/
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Wow – I did *not* expect that! Powerfully told, Sandra, with a great voice – and I love the “stone-flecked hillside” phrase. 🙂
Thanks for your comment on ours.
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Thanks Joanna, glad you liked it.
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ah, great alliteration and rhythm in that second paragraph Sandra. Also, I feel nervous.
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Oh yes, it is a bit hissy isn’t it – oops there I go again. 🙂 Thanks for commenting and please don’t feel nervous, it just makes my characters more threatening. 🙂
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I love pro-active female characters, and yours is certainly doesn’t waste any times. He won’t make that mistake twice. Excellent job!
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Thanks Jess!
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Hi Sandra,
Hell hath no fury . . . For a story that has such an idyllic start, it turns dark very quickly. You demonstrate your usual masterful ability at putting words together in a comely manner. Thanks for reading and commenting on my story. Ron
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Thank you Ron; positively blushing. 😉
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Afterwards, right. Of course. “The dusty air crackled with the tension between us as we lay side by side.” I loved that. All is not perfect. And the ending, totally unexpected. I really enjoyed this!
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Thank you, glad you liked it.
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Oops! Oh, those little slips of the tongue! I love the details you include – slithering down the rainy hill, the dusty air, the creaking wheel. The cracking neck. (I do worry a bit about what sort of person the speaker found herself turning into…but at least she’s not the classic Victorian victim. 😉 )
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Thank you; you’re right, she’s no pushover.
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I’d hopped over from reading Claire Fuller’s romantic piece, straight into this! You really caught me by surprise, but gotta say, he kind of deserved it.
Also, this description is beautiful : ‘stone-flecked hillsides greased with September rains’.
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Thanks Trudy. 🙂
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Wasn’t too fond of the old, “love ’em and leave ’em” ideology was she? I agree with Doug. This is one of your best.
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Thanks Roger, glad you liked it.
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Never underestimate the wrath of a woman scorned… nice job.
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My women are always feisty; I don’t seem to be able to create anything else. 🙂
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Really sad. it all turned so bad. Poor bloke got caught in the spoke. Something about this little place seems to be bringing out the worst in our story characters, huh?
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Yes, there’s a sinister air about this week. Thanks for dropping by.
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Justice or revenge? Hmmm. Delightfully naughty. I, too, envisioned people scrambling down a hillside to get to this place. Well done.
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A bit of both, I think, Cindy. Thanks for dropping by.
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Oh, love that “Afterwards, right?” line…! Almost good to see someone who’s heart isn’t broken by this one-time tryst. Well done, Sandra! 😀
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Thanks Mayumi, glad you liked it.
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Nice work. Loved that twist.
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Thank you! 🙂
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I didn’t expect that ending at all. But reading as many of your brilliant stories as I have, I should learn to expect anything! Great job!
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Thank you John, glad I can still surprise you. 😉
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“Everything changed that day… Including Me”… A lot said in so few words!
Good one!
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