Friday Fictioneers continues this week under the auspices of Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, and kicks off with a great photo. I hope I’ve correctly identified the flower through the window, but if not you’ll just have to use your imagination. 🙂
A perfect orange trumpet nods on a curling tendril, peeking above a riot of pristine green leaves.
Yet even from her table in the window she can spot the blackened stems, crusted with aphids, and the golden-brown caterpillars feasting their way through the patch.
Perfection, she thinks, masking something much less savoury.
She turns to her companion again, noting his handsome profile as he too gazes at garden outside.
“Did you know the latin for nasturtium translates as ‘twisted nose?” he says, reaching playfully towards her face.
She jerks back.
This, whispers a voice inside her head, is not what it seems.
castelsarrasin 
Well done! I liked it a lot. I love how you used the garden to show on the outside everything is beautiful…oh, but it isn’t so! I like the subtlety here.
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Thank you!
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I, too, love the subtlety. Everything is not as it seems. I just wish there was a more subtle way to get that across without stating it in your last sentence.
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I’m not sure how I could have done that. Glad you liked it Paul.
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This is I like a lot. Very well done. You captured the moment perfectly. I wish I could say the same with mine this week. I posted one, deleted it, posted another and at this point I give up! Here is my second attempt…http://blog.tompoet.com/?p=577
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See i can’t even comment today without messing it up….someone put me out of my misery!
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There are days like that… I liked both of yours, probably the first one a little more though. Thanks for commenting.
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No worries, Sandra. I haven’t a clue what the flower is. It was a rustic little cafe a friend and I stopped at for lunch on a road trip in Alaska. I was struck by the composition so I snapped the picture.
Very nice take on the prompt. I may never look at a nasturtium the same way.
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Thanks Rochelle. I love the sight of nasturtiums, but I’ve learned from bitter experience that they attract aphid like nothing else. Good photo, thanks!
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Wonderful imagery here…very very nice
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Thanks Boomiebol. 🙂
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Things are definitely not always as they seem in relationships. That can be good or bad.
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I was torn between him being a villain and her being a paranoiac. So I left it open. Thanks for commenting.
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Dear Sandra,
Amazing degree of uneasiness you were able to tease out of those words and gestures. I flashed on this being a relationship with domestic violence in its future, but I don’t think it will have one. She is too tuned in to make this mistake and he too much of a space invader to endear himself to her (or others). A great story.
Aloha,
Doug
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Thanks Doug, she may be tuned in, or she may be paranoid. I leave it to the reader. Thanks for commenting, still grinning at yours.
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Wow. I was thinking this was about the garden, then the eerie twist at the end was awesome. Great job.
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Thank you Shirley, glad you liked it.
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Oooh, nicely dark and just in time for Halloween. Great twist and turn with the metaphor for garden and situation.
Here’s mine as well: http://womanontheedgeofreality.com/2012/10/25/friday-fictioneers-garden-gazing/
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Yes, I thought perhaps a touch of the sinister this week. Thanks for dropping by Linda.
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You’re welcome and thanks for dropping by me too Sandra 🙂
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Very nice, and subtle that got my brain working
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Thank you, glad you liked it. Don’t stir up those cells too much though… 😦
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Was that a wise crack about her nose? Perhaps she’s getting ready for Halloween. But seriously, I liked the way the imperfection hidden behind beauty outside the window made her aware of the imperfection inside. Nicely done.
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I think he might just be a bit over-familiar, or maybe she’s got some hang ups of her own. Thanks for commenting Russell.
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Made me wonder… did she overreact… what changed that handsome profile?
here’s mine…http://tedstrutz.com/2012/10/25/displaced/
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Yes, maybe she has some issues of her own. Thanks Ted.
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Hi Sandra,
We had similar thoughts about this photo. Sinister thoughts. I liked the way you used the trumpet flower to describe the relationship. A nice mix of botany and love gone bad. Ron
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Thanks Ron, glad you liked it.
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I assumed at first glance that it was a geranium, but having looked more closely, I don’t think that it is. Nasturtium is the translation of my youngest granddaughter’s name, which is Capucine in french. I’m not sure that I should tell my son what it means in English. It might jinx her.
A thoughtful story inspired by the garden. Now that’s what I should have done. Didn’t do anything, I’m afraid.
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Sometimes there are weeks when you just can’t get inspiration. Hope you enjoyed this, and I didn’t know Capucine was the French for Nasturtium. I love it when I learn something. Thanks for dropping by.
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Hi Sandra, I got the feeling he was going to turn out to be one of those who says you can’t take a joke if you mind having your nose twisted. Glad she stopped it before it started. I liked the way you led us from the flower to the relationship so seamlessly. Thanks for visiting mine too.
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Thanks Anne. Glad you liked it.
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I wouldn’t trust anyone who even uses words like “nasturtium!”
Interesting use of a portion of the prompt (the outside) that I barely even saw to create a tale of what may turn out to be sinister duality. Thanks!
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🙂 🙂 It was an interesting photo this week I thought. Liked what you did with it too. Thanks for dropping by.
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Not what they seem in a lot of ways. I love how you capture the different perceptions: one sees the ugliness behind the seeming beauty; the other is off in his own little world. Yes, very subtle and nicely done.
Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/shrine/
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Thank you!
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Week after week I come your way and can’t help but marvel what an amazing writer you are. Beautiful refreshing description of the garden and such an smooth transition into something so much more poignant.
The way you wrote about the garden, it was almost like I was there. Superb work Sandra, thanks for sharing.
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I’m blushing now! 🙂 Glad you liked it.
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Ooh, not such a nice guy after all, eh? I liked the comparison to the flowers, and I didn’t know the latin translation of nastursiums – so I’ve learnt something too!
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Neither did I until I started googling them. Thanks for dropping by Trudy.
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Lovely descriptive phrases, very good. Nasturtium are good as a sacrificial crop. I used to grow them in with my vegetables; the aphids go for the flowers and stay off the veggies.
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Yes, I’ve always loved them, I think they seem so clean and fresh and smell really peppery.I just hate it when I start rummaging around in them and find the er… add-ons. Thanks for commenting.
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I almost think that she was so detail orientated that he was being playful, to coax her into relaxing. But even so… this has me doubting that cross pollination is a possibility. Wasn’t sure if you would like “in the window” or “near the window”…. I liked how this made me consider many angles. Good job
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Thanks for commenting Bill. I haven’t decided who’s the one with the personality defect in this piece. 🙂
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It’s fun with characters we write. They surprise even us their “creators” when they exercise their own free will. One almost wants to say, “Stop, would you just follow the plot!”
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Hi Sandra! I love this right up to the last line. You layer sinister on sinister and give us a feeling that – at least in her mind – this is not a comfortable date. I felt the final line laid it on a bit thick and you could have done without it. Or given her a line, like “don’t touch me”, instead.
But I don’t want to leave this on a critical note – there is so much under these characters that I’ve got a million theories running through my head and to me that’s a sign of a great story.
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Thanks for commenting Jennifer. I’d be the first to admit that I’ve got a bit of a blind spot insofar as ‘explicit versus obscure’ goes. I think I feel more uncomfortable when people say they don’t ‘get’ what I’ve written than I do when they think I’ve been too explicit. Paul, I think had a similar comment to yours, above. Maybe I’ll try to take a different view when I’m re-reading.
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I share your dilemma, Sandra. As a writer, I’m never sure whether to give more clues or less. I usually figure if a few people critique each way, I’m about right, so feel free to ignore my comment, but I hope you don’t mind an honest opinion.
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Not at all, Jennifer! 🙂
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A little Paranoid? I think not.
Scott
Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2012/10/26/friday-fictioneers-5/
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Thank you Scott! 🙂
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Never trust what lies beneath.. good stuff!
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Thanks for commenting Kathy. 🙂
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Very nice Sandra. I see you know your plants and flowers.
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I used to be very ‘into’ plants and could recognise many of the latin names, but these days I don’t seem to spend so much time browsing through plant catalogues. Thanks for dropping by.
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Thought I had commented – but I apologize that it didn’t go through! This was nice, and I loved the way your descriptions brought us closer to that garden, to see it as we might if we were really there. Obviously the parallel with her date was a great touch too, although I may even be in danger of sympathizing with the awkward Latin expert :p. Good one!
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Thanks Brian – I had a problem ‘approving’ your comment – don’t know why. Glad you liked it anyway.
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Hi Sandra. It’s great the way you tease out the unease and foreboding in this story after starting with something beautiful. Thanks for the Latin lesson too. I’ve alway liked nasturtiums, but I’ll look at them with more fun from now on.
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“Perfection, she thinks, masking something much less savoury” Sounds like she might have already been predisposed in her thinking before she turned to her companion.
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Very well written, with an interesting combination of parallels and mystery! I love the orange trumpets, and although I didn’t know about their propensity to attract unwanted pests, I do know they can take over an area quickly.
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Sandra,
You pic on the Linkz page didn’t go to the right prompt.
Scott
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It seems like anther story !
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This is a lovely take on the prompt Sandra. The juxtaposition of beauty with the sudden jerk back. Beautifully done.
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Thank you; glad you dropped by.
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I love how you’re not sure at the end if he really is a villain (he doesn’t sound like one!) or if she is just timid or…oh, what’s the word…suspicious? paranoid? Relationships aren’t easy. They may look pretty on the outside, but underneath sometimes can be beautiful or ugly.
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