This is Rochelle’s sixth week hosting Friday Fictioneers – how time has flown. And another great photo prompt, from Rochelle herself. I know I’m early this week, but I can never tell just how reliable my internet connection will be – and today it’s fairly fast. Never look a gift horse… as they say. 🙂
She’d been a pain in the butt all afternoon – constant grizzling, whining and foot-stamping.
‘Want, want, want’.
She’s the spit of her mother, I thought uncharitably, glaring back down the street at her, all pink, tear stained cheeks and jutting lip.
“Come this minute,” I snapped, “or you can find your own way home.”
Stand-off.
Another thing her mother does well.
She stayed; I went round the corner, waited, counting to five.
And that was all it took.
The world ended in that frosty December twilight, as tyres screeched, doors slammed and rear lights sped off into the evening rush-hour.
Dear Sandra,
Just goes to show you have to be careful what you wish for. This was a chilling and scary story from a bleak and desolate prompt. Well done.
Aloha,
Doug
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Thanks for commenting Doug; I just started writing and was heading for a schmaltzy ending. Then real life took over… 😦
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Oh…that is just…tragedy….
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Thanks for commenting. It is a sad one.
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Oh wow. The story is fab even if the end is every parent’s nightmare. Great job.
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Hey! Where’ve you been. Haven’t heard from your for a few weeks. Thanks for dropping by.
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I’ve been around NaNo has taken up a lot of time so I haven’t done any FF
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Wow! What heartbreaking story.
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Thanks for dropping by. Sorry if it made you sad.
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Oh, as a parent I HATED this!!! Which means that, as a writer, I think you did a smashing job! 🙂
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Thank you. Praise indeed!
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Taken.
How those smaller things seem less important when faced with the cruelness of a reality without a loved one.
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Yes, I was trying to put across the persona of a harassed and bad-tempered estranged father on an ‘access’ visit, and the ending just kind of took over.
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Tears are streaming down my cheeks. Thank you for the reminder a split second it all it takes.
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Thanks Mari, for dropping by and commenting it.
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You’re welcome, Thank you too. 😀
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I just can’t think of what to say. This floored me. Was not expecting such a lousy ending. I’m totally depressed now. Beautiful job, though. Thank you!
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I wasn’t expecting the ending myself Paul; it just kind of crept up.
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And thanks for commenting, I appreciate your dropping by.
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But at the same time, don’t you love when your characters take control? Well, maybe not this time.
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Wonderfully written story about a terrible tragedy! There’s such a thin line between becoming paranoid about this sort of thing and just being careful. Glad this isn’t the usual result.
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Thanks for commenting. Yes, you can never stop being watchful, can you.
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Oh wow…my eyes popped open as i got to the end…scary…very good but you captured one of the fears of every parent so well…BRAVO!!!
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Thank you!
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I agree with everyone’s comments….
It was horrifying, real, terrifying, frightening, unsettling, upsetting, and repulsive; and we have all felt that as parents.
congratulations on a great job on a nasty story…
Randy
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Thanks Randy. Appreciate your dropping by.
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Frightening. How will daddy explain this to mommy. Afraid there will never be another peaceful day in their lives.
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I think Daddy and Mommy haven’t had too many peaceful days already in their relationship. It’s not going to get any better… Thanks for dropping by.
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Dear Sandra,
The holidays are forever marred for this family. .What a beautifully written tragedy and as others have said, every parent’s nightmare. I love to hate this one.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Yes, I was uneasy about submitting this. But it’s life, I reasoned, and pretending these things don’t happen doesn’t make them go away. Thanks for dropping by.
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Incidence like this one are happening about this time of the year in my country…people are usually extra careful but the bad guys still get to have their ways
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Really powerful story Sandra, and very believable – I’m sure I did that myself when the children were younger.
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Thanks Claire. Yes, I remember years ago taking a few seconds’ time out when my four year old niece was really pushing me to the absolute brink in the supermarket. I just disappeared behind a display of tinned goods for a nanosecond whilst I pulled myself together, but when I heard that plaintive howl… jeez, I nearly dismantled the entire supermarket in my haste to get to her. I’ve never lost that feeling of guilt.
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Oh my. So heartbreaking.
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Thanks for dropping by Shirley. 🙂
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how dare you give me such a gut wrench. well done.
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Oops! sorry. 😉
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Hi Sandra,
A tragic tale well told. Your descriptions and inner dialog were both spot on. Ron
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Thanks for dropping by Ron, and commenting so kindly.
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Well, that one brought back memories: memories of my son throwing such a fit in a McDonald’s that the family and I left, went out to the car, and watched him pitch the fit until he realized we were gone. No, I never let him leave my sight, but still…the memory lingers.
Scott
Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2012/11/29/friday-fictioneers-8/
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Parenting is such a complicated thing Scott; hope all worked out well. Thanks for commenting.
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Oh, they have both done so very well for themselves!
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Oh dear!
Very well written. Children can be a pain. Losing them even more painful.
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Thanks Abraham, yes two sides to having children.
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A great story Sandra. Everything changed so quickly at the end. Just like in real life tragedy can strike in an instant.
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Thanks for dropping by Mike.
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An action thriller here…while i was warming up to a domestic prattle…the world ended on a frosty December twilight. Great!
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Thank you for commenting Charles.
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Oh, crikey. What a heart-rending story, and a reminder of how normal life can be so easily flipped into tragedy. I have a lump in my throat the size of China. So, excellent work, Sandra!
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Thanks Joanna! 🙂
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Scarier than any fantasy horror story. Been there, almost lived it, but you have perfectly described the emotions.
Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/tis-the-season/
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Thanks for dropping by Maggie.
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Now I feel scarred and guilty for all the parental BS I pulled on my kid, but I expect they’ll get me back when they select which nursing home they’ll send me to. The ending made me feel like I’d been kicked in the gut. Very well written.
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Thanks Russell, appreciate your comment.
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Oh. My. God. Shocking, shocking. The ending took my breath away.
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Thanks Sharon!
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I wonder should I spend my Friday evening with something else. I have an icy lump in my stomach. Which means it’s great writing.
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Thank you! 🙂
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Oh Sandra, I was so enjoying this. I knew who the little girl was, felt so much for the haggard adult, and now you have me feeling gulit-ridden. A great turn around!
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Thank you Sarah Ann.
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OMG! Excellent writing. I could see that little girl and remember that feeling. Fortunately, I didn’t have the guilt trip, though. Good job.
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Thank you, I appreciate your dropping by.
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Scary stuff, and so much story and history in those early words about the mother too. Great work, Sandra!
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Thanks Jennifer! Glad you liked it.
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wow — a strong one, and as a father it felt like a kick in the gut.
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Thanks Bill!:)
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Oh, so tragic, Sandra. I was hoping for a happy ending. Maybe just a little sulking? Anyway, I enjoyed the writing. It’s crisp and effective. Nice job!
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Thank you. Glad you enjoyed it.
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OUCH! As sudden and shocking as life. Gonna run peek at the kids, now.
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🙂 Thanks Kathy!
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Every parent’s worst nightmare. Nicely done, Sandra.
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Isn’t it just! Thank you.
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Oh, so excellent. Vividly told the ending snapped with surprise! The shocking end left readers sad and stunned. Perfect!
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Thank you Claudia.
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Very strong story Sandra, used to have terrors when I couldn’t run after big boy (who turned 14 yesterday) because I was expecting small boy. Lucky I have a strong voice and we didn’t have to face this. Well done.
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Having kids today must feel like living on a knife edge. Thanks for dropping by Anne.
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Hopefully, the driver of the car was Mama who saw her daughter standing alone,threw a hissy fit , bundled the child into the car and drove off in a rage.
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Now THAT’S what I call lateral thinking! 🙂 🙂
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Great ending.
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Thanks Heidi! 🙂
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Gee. Bummer. And people think I’m a negative person!
But very artfully and well told and provides an excellent cautionary tale. A good job, but I think we have to talk ….
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🙂
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Too real.
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Thanks Ted.
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So true. That’s all it takes. I have experienced this scare. Thankfully, not to this extreme. Kids can be so stubborn and they don’t understand how dangerous the consequences of their actions can be. My daughter ran under a clothing rack and disappeared. Shut down the entire store until she was found. Some of the scariest minutes of my life. Well done.
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That must have been horrendous Debra. Thanks for dropping by.
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Your surprise endings continue to surprise me, you craft them so beautifully! This one is heartbreaking, and so human.
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Thanks for commenting Judee. It’s always nice when you visit the site.
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