Once The Fire Goes Out (Friday Fictioneers, December 2012)

This week’s Friday Fictioneers prompt is courtesy of Doug McIlroy.  Certainly had me stumped Doug, no idea what the ball represents or the hooped things with chains hanging from them.  Looks a bit sinister to me.  🙂  Anyway, this is where it took me. 

He’s in the damn’ outhouse again.

Fiddlin’ with his bits an’ pieces, strokin’ his balls, lookin’ at them dirty pictures, I’ll bet.

Just so long’s he don’t get no ideas.  I see he’s dug out his ol’ pliers  an’ a roll of gaffer tape.  Who knows what’s goin’ on in that mind of his’n.  Dirty ol’ man.  Man his age oughta be past all that.  Lord knows I am.

I peeked on that there Facebooks the other week; saw he done put ‘single’ for his status.  Dream on, I thought.

It don’t say ‘single’ now though.

Says ‘widower’.

Lyin’ buzzard.



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About Sandra

I cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and write fiction and poetry. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
This entry was posted in Friday Fictioneers, Just Sayin' and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

82 Responses to Once The Fire Goes Out (Friday Fictioneers, December 2012)

  1. Sandra, this made me laugh. Your narrator cracks me up, though I’m a little scared to think where this story might go… Unless they just have an “understanding” of some sort. Nice work!

    Like

  2. Good job on the dialogue and making it sound real. I’m afeared for his wife, though.

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  3. TheOthers1 says:

    LOL. I loved how you managed the dialect here. A woman (assuming) not to be crossed. Nicely done.

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  4. Oh Sandra…This brings back memories. Growing up, we kids used to peek thru the wooden slats of our neighbor’s backyard shed and watch the “dirty, old man” and his buddies reading dirty, porn/girly magazines.

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  5. Paul says:

    Love your narrator! Love the story. But the wife (?) can’t be that stupid to actually stick around, you think?

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  6. love the status on face book change and the dialect was hilarious…great write gave me quite the laugh:)

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  7. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Sandra,

    I’m still shaking my head with amusement at where your mind wander to when given a blank slate. Your clever use of the word widower is priceless, ‘A man who has lost his wife by death and has not remarried.’ This definition fit a lot of interpretations for this story, but I like the twisted one the best. And no, I’m not telling you which one that is.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      I’m not sure whether the term ‘widower’ is in regular use in the States. Thanks for dropping by Doug, and a great photo which is stimulating a wide range of responses. 🙂

      Like

  8. kz says:

    hahahah!! that’s one nasty old man.lol

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  9. kz says:

    great job… made me laugh ^^

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  10. wmqcolby says:

    It reads TERRIFICALLY! Super job!!! You English have us Americans beat (well, in spite of what happened in 1776 …) Anyway, great story, yes, but the CHARACTER sounds VERY exciting and deep.

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  11. yerpirate says:

    She’s just not quite smart enough for her own good! There he is, about to top her…which he is eminently capable of, in the fantasy world he lives in…

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  12. Parul says:

    Sandra this is very nice!
    Loves the tone, the language… everything!
    It made me smile. Just lovely!
    You are just too good!

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  13. Dear Sandra,
    If I may say so, you’re spot on! Loved this piece. I’d say the old buzzard better watch them balls when he comes outta that there outhouse. I’m thinkin’ his dear departed wife has a plan.
    A gem!
    Shalom,
    Rochelle

    Like

  14. Abraham says:

    That ol’ lady(?) sounds nasty!

    Good writing!

    Like

  15. Tom Poet says:

    I think I tell you every week this is my favorite one of yours so far….You just keep out doing yourself. Hilarious, great dialogue, reads easy and spot on. LOVED IT! I keep laughing as I am writing this….

    Tom

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  16. writeondude says:

    Wonderful! I do so look forward to reading your stories each week. Keep them coming.

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  17. Anne Orchard says:

    Great story Sandra, and you got SO MANY of the elements in the picture into your story. Excellent!

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  18. Great narrator voice. There’s something funny, yet sadly plausible about an old man hiding in his garage trolling around Facebook, pretending to be single.

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  19. boomiebol says:

    hahaha, dirty old man lol…might be the father of my character’s hubby lol. Very nicely done

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  20. She sounds like the hills of Kentucky or Tennessee, so I am not worried about her. She can handle herself.
    Scott
    Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2012/12/13/friday-fictioneers-10/

    Like

  21. Hehehe, this was a fun read, Sandra, and so well put together. Nice one! 🙂

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  22. Hi Sandra,
    Did she use the pliers and the tape to off him? Great internal dialog and a real sense of outrage. You’re correct. We old men are disgusting. ron

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    • Sandra says:

      Hi Ron,
      I’m surprised how many people have construed this story as the wife ‘offing’ the husband, which is why I wondered whether the term ‘widower’ is widely used in the States. The husband has been playing around on Facebook having put his status as ‘single’. Now that he’s seen the possibilities that are opening up, he’s changed his status to ‘widower’ and got out his pliers and tape to assist in the process of truly liberating himself from an unsatisfactory marriage. (Some weeks the story works, other weeks it doesn’t.)
      I won’t comment on the attributes (or otherwise) of old men. 😉 My husband sometimes reads the comments section.

      Like

    • Russell says:

      Speak for yourself, Ron. I like me just the way I am.

      Like

  23. unspywriter says:

    Loved, loved, loved this! Great voice for the narrator.

    Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/status-update/

    Like

  24. Love the patter, and the dimness, of the narrator. Of course, I had to take a few seconds to squee over your snow before reading. SQUEE!

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  25. Very nice and funny, Sandra. And very well written, as usual. I got the bit on the widower the first time round, maybe because we Ghanaians are British trained. 🙂

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  26. rich says:

    watch your back! well done.

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  27. brudberg says:

    A garage can hide all kind of secrets. Just wonderful story.

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  28. Russell says:

    The line that gets me is, “a man his age ought to be past all that.” I’ve heard that comment before (not about me of course) and all I can say is, “what fun would that be?” Excellent voice in the story, Sandra.

    Like

  29. Good one Sandy. You did very well with this prompt. Life got in the way this week so I have nothing to offer.

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  30. backfromtheedge says:

    So funny! Brilliant, as usual.

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  31. H.L. Pauff says:

    Great voice on your narrator!

    Like

  32. mari wells says:

    This was so funny, I about fell out of my chair laughing.

    Like

  33. tedstrutz says:

    Excellent take on the photo, Sandra. I’d be changing my status too.

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  34. kashapiro says:

    This instantly caught my attention with your colorful writing, and kept me interested. Then ending both made me laugh and was entirely unexpected, in a good way. I especially liked the juxtaposition of the dialect and Facebook together, quite quirky. Kudos!

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  35. Widower, huh?
    I think he’s got somptin’ in mind with them there ole pliers and ole roll of gaffer tape.

    Randy

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  36. Laughed at this one. Great job.

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  37. elmowrites says:

    Fantastic job on the voice, Sandra, you took me right into her mind. I’m a bit worried about her now, though – what’s the lyin buzzard got planned for her?!

    Like

  38. Debra Kristi says:

    What a hoot! Pulled me right in. Your mc is fabulous. I can see some serious tango going on later, and I don’t mean in a good way. Loved it!

    Like

  39. Sandra, I truly enjoyed this. Facebook will get you caught…….smiling.
    Shenine

    Like

I'd love to hear your views; it reassures me I'm not talking to myself.

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