This week’s Friday Fictioneers prompt is courtesy of Doug McIlroy. Certainly had me stumped Doug, no idea what the ball represents or the hooped things with chains hanging from them. Looks a bit sinister to me. 🙂 Anyway, this is where it took me.
He’s in the damn’ outhouse again.
Fiddlin’ with his bits an’ pieces, strokin’ his balls, lookin’ at them dirty pictures, I’ll bet.
Just so long’s he don’t get no ideas. I see he’s dug out his ol’ pliers an’ a roll of gaffer tape. Who knows what’s goin’ on in that mind of his’n. Dirty ol’ man. Man his age oughta be past all that. Lord knows I am.
I peeked on that there Facebooks the other week; saw he done put ‘single’ for his status. Dream on, I thought.
It don’t say ‘single’ now though.
Says ‘widower’.
Lyin’ buzzard.
castelsarrasin 
Sandra, this made me laugh. Your narrator cracks me up, though I’m a little scared to think where this story might go… Unless they just have an “understanding” of some sort. Nice work!
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Thank you! 🙂
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Good job on the dialogue and making it sound real. I’m afeared for his wife, though.
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Thank you!
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LOL. I loved how you managed the dialect here. A woman (assuming) not to be crossed. Nicely done.
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Thanks! I’m always a bit nervous attempting American style dialogue, but somehow it never seems remotely funny in Brit style. 😦
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Oh Sandra…This brings back memories. Growing up, we kids used to peek thru the wooden slats of our neighbor’s backyard shed and watch the “dirty, old man” and his buddies reading dirty, porn/girly magazines.
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Nothing changes, hey! Thanks for dropping by Lora.
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Love your narrator! Love the story. But the wife (?) can’t be that stupid to actually stick around, you think?
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I think the wife doesn’t credit him with enough cunning. Thanks for commenting Paul.
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love the status on face book change and the dialect was hilarious…great write gave me quite the laugh:)
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Thank you!
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Dear Sandra,
I’m still shaking my head with amusement at where your mind wander to when given a blank slate. Your clever use of the word widower is priceless, ‘A man who has lost his wife by death and has not remarried.’ This definition fit a lot of interpretations for this story, but I like the twisted one the best. And no, I’m not telling you which one that is.
Aloha,
Doug
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I’m not sure whether the term ‘widower’ is in regular use in the States. Thanks for dropping by Doug, and a great photo which is stimulating a wide range of responses. 🙂
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hahahah!! that’s one nasty old man.lol
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The wife doesn’t sound like a ray of sunshine either! Thanks for dropping by. 🙂
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great job… made me laugh ^^
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It reads TERRIFICALLY! Super job!!! You English have us Americans beat (well, in spite of what happened in 1776 …) Anyway, great story, yes, but the CHARACTER sounds VERY exciting and deep.
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Well it wouldn’t have worked in an English accent, so full credit to you Americans for having the edge on the delivery of humour. Thanks for dropping by.
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She’s just not quite smart enough for her own good! There he is, about to top her…which he is eminently capable of, in the fantasy world he lives in…
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Maybe it’s not fantasy… 🙂 Thanks for commenting.
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Sandra this is very nice!
Loves the tone, the language… everything!
It made me smile. Just lovely!
You are just too good!
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Thanks Parul. Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for dropping by.
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Funny. Strong voice
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Thank you!
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Dear Sandra,
If I may say so, you’re spot on! Loved this piece. I’d say the old buzzard better watch them balls when he comes outta that there outhouse. I’m thinkin’ his dear departed wife has a plan.
A gem!
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks Rochelle. Glad you liked it. 🙂
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That ol’ lady(?) sounds nasty!
Good writing!
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Thanks Abraham! 🙂
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I think I tell you every week this is my favorite one of yours so far….You just keep out doing yourself. Hilarious, great dialogue, reads easy and spot on. LOVED IT! I keep laughing as I am writing this….
Tom
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Thanks Tom! I only wish I could outdo myself – the last few months have been a struggle writing-wise.
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Wonderful! I do so look forward to reading your stories each week. Keep them coming.
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Thanks! I’ll try.
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Great story Sandra, and you got SO MANY of the elements in the picture into your story. Excellent!
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Thanks Anne. It was a rich photo prompt wasn’t it?
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And I loved the simplicity and effectiveness of yours.
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Great narrator voice. There’s something funny, yet sadly plausible about an old man hiding in his garage trolling around Facebook, pretending to be single.
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I’m sure far worse goes on. 😦 Thanks for commenting David.
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hahaha, dirty old man lol…might be the father of my character’s hubby lol. Very nicely done
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Yes, could well be. Thanks Boomiebol.
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She sounds like the hills of Kentucky or Tennessee, so I am not worried about her. She can handle herself.
Scott
Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2012/12/13/friday-fictioneers-10/
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I’m glad she sounded as though she came from somewhere; I’m nervous about writing with accents. Thanks for commenting.
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You do it well.
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Hehehe, this was a fun read, Sandra, and so well put together. Nice one! 🙂
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Thanks Joanna!
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Hi Sandra,
Did she use the pliers and the tape to off him? Great internal dialog and a real sense of outrage. You’re correct. We old men are disgusting. ron
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Hi Ron,
I’m surprised how many people have construed this story as the wife ‘offing’ the husband, which is why I wondered whether the term ‘widower’ is widely used in the States. The husband has been playing around on Facebook having put his status as ‘single’. Now that he’s seen the possibilities that are opening up, he’s changed his status to ‘widower’ and got out his pliers and tape to assist in the process of truly liberating himself from an unsatisfactory marriage. (Some weeks the story works, other weeks it doesn’t.)
I won’t comment on the attributes (or otherwise) of old men. 😉 My husband sometimes reads the comments section.
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Speak for yourself, Ron. I like me just the way I am.
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Not when you pass gas as you get up out of your chair.
now i know that Ron and i would never ever do that. 😉
Randy
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Loved, loved, loved this! Great voice for the narrator.
Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/status-update/
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Thanks Maggie, off to yours now.
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Love the patter, and the dimness, of the narrator. Of course, I had to take a few seconds to squee over your snow before reading. SQUEE!
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‘Squee’ – what a lovely word! My imagination is working overtime. Thanks for commenting Kathy.
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Very nice and funny, Sandra. And very well written, as usual. I got the bit on the widower the first time round, maybe because we Ghanaians are British trained. 🙂
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🙂 🙂 Thanks for commenting, I’m glad you found it funny.
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watch your back! well done.
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Thanks for dropping by Rich.
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A garage can hide all kind of secrets. Just wonderful story.
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Thank you!
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The line that gets me is, “a man his age ought to be past all that.” I’ve heard that comment before (not about me of course) and all I can say is, “what fun would that be?” Excellent voice in the story, Sandra.
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Thanks Russell. I remember hearing it before too, but I don’t think it was me saying it…
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Good one Sandy. You did very well with this prompt. Life got in the way this week so I have nothing to offer.
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Thank you!
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So funny! Brilliant, as usual.
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Thank you. Nice to see you participating this week as well.
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I’m glad I made it – time is not my friend just now and I’m still trying to think of a story for a prompt from weeks ago :-/. ‘Tis the season! 🙂
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Great voice on your narrator!
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Thank you. 🙂
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This was so funny, I about fell out of my chair laughing.
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Thanks Mari, glad it made you laugh.
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Excellent take on the photo, Sandra. I’d be changing my status too.
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p.s… did I say funny as hell?
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Thank you Ted. 🙂
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This instantly caught my attention with your colorful writing, and kept me interested. Then ending both made me laugh and was entirely unexpected, in a good way. I especially liked the juxtaposition of the dialect and Facebook together, quite quirky. Kudos!
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Thank you for commenting.
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Widower, huh?
I think he’s got somptin’ in mind with them there ole pliers and ole roll of gaffer tape.
Randy
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So true… Thanks for dropping by Randy.
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In the states, a widower means exactly that – his wife is dead – although his ain’t dead yet – jest soon to be dearly departed.
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Laughed at this one. Great job.
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Fantastic job on the voice, Sandra, you took me right into her mind. I’m a bit worried about her now, though – what’s the lyin buzzard got planned for her?!
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What a hoot! Pulled me right in. Your mc is fabulous. I can see some serious tango going on later, and I don’t mean in a good way. Loved it!
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Sandra, I truly enjoyed this. Facebook will get you caught…….smiling.
Shenine
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