Simon said the barn was haunted; and he was usually right.
My Dad said one day someone would get killed there; the roof was dangerous. Dad was usually right too, though everyone said he was a worrywart.
Nothing stopped us playing there though. The roof creaked but held up fine. Sometimes we’d sense something… a watchful presence of some kind, rustling, heavy breathing.
Simon said ghosts were more evil than people; they did things we could never imagine.
Dad was partly right, but Simon screwed up on both counts for once.
You never could tell Simon anything.
And certainly not now.
It’s another dark one I know, but in my defence (defense for my American friends ;)) I have written a frothy one and a childrens’ story already this week. I’m not really in need of therapy… at least I don’t think so…
Great photo prompt for Friday Fictioneers this week, courtesy of Janet Webb. Check out her site for more captivating pictures.
castelsarrasin 
I really like this! Great writing.
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Thanks for commenting – I appreciate it.
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Dear Sandra,
So did Simon fall through the roof? I have the feeling something terrible happened to him. I love your title. As always well-written. And in my own defence/defense, I, too, went to the dark side.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Hi Rochelle, thanks for reading and commenting. If it turns out that one of my pieces isn’t clear, my first dilemma is whether I should blow the story straight away and give an explanation in the answer to the first comment. My second dilemma is whether I over-edited it, because it was clear to me when I did the first draft, but maybe lost it in cutting. And my third consideration, which is infinitely more diverting, is why on earth I always want to spell dilemma as dilemna, and why, when I google it, thousands of other people feel the same way. 😦 So I’ll suspend a decision on the first two whilst I thoroughly research the third. 🙂
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You’re amazing, Sandra!
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Didn’t quite understand this, but I liked the writing.
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Thanks for commenting Sheila – glad you liked it. The explanation may come later. 😉
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The therapy…yes, it’s a fine line! I remember your characters speaking with such realism before, and the same has happened again here; a totally genuine voice. That last line….well…that is the difference between language and magic. Just exactly the right touch with the ending, and the name Simon too, of course.
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Thank you! 🙂 I’m glad it worked for you. I was going to call him Billie, I didn’t see Simon staring me in the face on the first pass at this.
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Dear Sandra,
What is evil about this tale is the way you make your reader go back over it to see what happened. I’ll get you for that….if you don’t do me in with a heart attack…or worse…first.
Aloha,
Doug
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Hi Doug, I’ll really try not to go dark next week. If there is a next week…. oh damn, there I go again… 😉
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i have to agree with Doug. okay, going back to read what Simon said… haha 🙂
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umm i think i understood this quite well..
Simon got…. murdered?
it’s true, why fear the dead when the living can obviously do more harm.
but omg, what happened to Simon?..
brilliant writing, Sandra. deliciously dark.
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Thanks kz – you got it in one. 🙂
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That’s what I thought too. Dad was partly right (someone got killed) and Simon was wring on two counts (people were more dangerous and te barn was not haunted).
I love your writing!
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Absolutely Abraham! 🙂 Thanks for commenting and summing it up so succinctly.
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…and spelling so terribly 😦
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Spooky and with a subtle but firm ending.
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Thank you Claudia.
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Yes definitely a good piece.. I like it when the ending is left open yo your own interpretation and I can never understand why people ask me what I meant.. It seemed obvious to me when I wrote it..
However I digress – Very well written and dark enough to give you a chill.. Well done..
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Yes, that happens often to me. But the other day I wrote something for the first time (called Smack Head) where even I didn’t know what the ending meant. It was strangely liberating 😉
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Excellent! You did dark justice to the picture and had us in the palm of your writing hand as usual.
Love the title.
janet
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Thanks Janet – lovely prompt.
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Well this American loves it. Chilling and scary. Great job.
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Thanks Atiya! 🙂
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Yea ghost can be very evil and bossy. Nice work..
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Thanks Kim.
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Marvelously creepy, Sandra. The title, so reminiscent of childhood games, adds to the horror of it all. The narrator’s casual recounting of events… I’m a little unsettled by this whole situation!
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Thank you! It’s good to leave your reader unsettled… I think.
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I do feel for poor Simon. Your story is so nicely matter of fact, once again. I really like that.
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Thanks Iris! 🙂
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I am still sadly learning to read into the writings from others, but after reading a few times I did get the gist …well executed Sandra – thank you for your contribution.
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My pleasure! 🙂
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looks like Simon, who knew so much about ghosts, was the victim…very well done..
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Thanks nightlake!
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Poor Simon, but wish the Dad had been more assertive. A cautionary tale all right, and well-told.
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Thanks Perry.
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I really like this. The evil within watching those innocent souls.
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Thank JK. 🙂
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Nothing wrong with good, dark stories.
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Thanks!
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Spot on as usual. Well done, Sandra. I’d also like to point out dat’s de fence in the foreground.
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LOLLLL!!
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🙂 🙂 🙂 Tanks!
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What kid hasn’t played in an old barn? This was rather spooky, but I enjoyed it.
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Thanks Russell. 🙂
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Hi Sandra,
If I’m getting this right, this is a reversal on the old Simon Says game. Great pretext for a story and it put the whole thing in context. Ron
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Thanks Ron, you got it right. Thanks for dropping by.
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Who isn’t drawn to a spooky run-down barn? But poor Simon. What a place to go. Will he haunt it? Wonderful writing.
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Thanks Debra.
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Sandra — that was another excellent one that left me wanting chapter two. I enjoy this side of your stories!
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Thanks Bill. Glad you enjoyed it.
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I liked this a lot. Though I am confused about Simon’s fate.
The moment I saw this picture, I thought there could be Boo Radley (of To Kill a Mocking Bird) in this house! You got very close to capturing something like that in your piece.
Very real characters and narrative. You did a great job, like you always do.
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Thank you Parul. 🙂
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Haha, Sandra, no worries I feel like that after I write my darker stories too. This was a great one though. I loved the malice in the line “Dad was partly right, but Simon screwed up on both counts”
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Thanks Brian, glad you liked it.
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Dark, but delightfully so. Well done.
Here’s mine, and I’ve also returned to the dark: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/death-throes/
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Thanks Maggie, glad you’ve joined me in the dark. 🙂
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One did have to read it twice to get it. Yuck!
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Thanks for commenting.
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Simon said, indeed! Another great one, Sandra!
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Thanks Bee, glad you liked it.
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Excellent tale, well told.
Loved it.
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Thank you!
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Poor Simon! I hope his sister has given up playing in the barn, or she might encounter more than one ghost….
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True. Thanks Jan.
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Hi Sandra! I am back just to say your story is charming as usual – just floats along like a dark poem or parable, but I’ve always been a fan.
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Thank you Linda! 🙂
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Hi Sandra
This is excellent spooky writing. I’m a bit confused, though, like some of the other commenters. I’m guessing that Dad was right that someone would be killed and that the person who was killed was Simon, was it by the ghosts?
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Yes, Dad was partly right (someone would be killed) and Simon was wrong because the barn wasn’t haunted, though it was occupied by a human, who did something far worse than a ghost could. Making Simon wrong on both counts. 😉
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This will give me nightmares… Poor Simon 🙂
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Thanks Bjorn. 🙂
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Nicely written! I gather the barn “got” Simon, and he’s now the ghost.
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Well a human ‘got’ Simon, Sharon. See explanations above. 😉
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This is evil, but oh so good. Took me a few reads to figure out what happened. Nicely done!
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Yes it does seem to have been a bit obscure. Thanks for sticking with it.
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I liked the foreboding, just waiting for the “oh no” moment, and it came nicely, right at the end. great job.
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I love an “oh no” moment! 🙂 Thanks for reading.
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Oh I do like this story Sandra. Thinking about the number of times my friends and I played games in or on old buildings, always brings me out in a cold sweat. We would never be told either. Thankfully, unlike Simon, nothing tragic ever happened to us. So evocative of childhood, well done. Dee
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Thanks Dee! 🙂
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I think it’s a fine story, as usual. Reminds me of, “Little Willie/Pair of skates/Hole in ice/Golden Gates.” I don’t know if that was the intent, but it doesn’t matter. I liked it!!!! Thank-you!
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Thanks Kent, you not in again this week? Loved your er … poem. 😉
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That’s a gem of a little story. It may be dark, but it has such a great voice and the way the ending is left to the conclusions of the reader is just great. My kind of story. 🙂
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Would love to read a longer piece on this. Very ominous.
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hmm, what was Simon told that should not have been told to him? that someone would be killed…and if Simon was wrong about the ghost being more evil than people and doing things not imaginable, was Simon the murderer? the suspense is a killer!!!
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But how can one write if one isn’t in need of therapy? 🙂
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Enjoyed this one 🙂
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Very creepy Sandra. I wonder if what Simon sensed, where the ghosts that Rich wrote about this week. Nice story.
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“Sometimes we’d sense something… a watchful presence of some kind, rustling, heavy breathing.” A hint here: ghosts are not usually accused of heavy breathing. Good story, Sandra.
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Ooh, ominous, Like it very much. Stay out of scary barns, kids. Just enough left unsaid to send a shiver down the spine. Lovely, creepy work 🙂
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Nice and creepy. I admit I had to read a few times to work out what Simon was wrong about. And thanks for a new word – worrywart.
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Nice and chilling, with a touch of the self-righteous from the narrator, well done 🙂
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Thanks Linda. 🙂
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