Photo courtesy of Kent Bonham
It’s that time of the week again, Friday Fictioneers kicking off on Wednesday, thanks to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields.
Unthinkable… asking her out like that.
Unbearable, watching a cruel mocking response forming.
Instead she’d tossed her thick honey-coloured braid and laughed as she walked away. She’d let him off lightly.
Following her back to that palatial hotel, the full measure of her unattainability struck him like a body-blow; they were worlds apart.
Today he sits behind her on the bus, inhaling her presence.
He rises for his stop, removing his hand from his pocket … light flashes on steel.
On the pavement, he registers her silent scream through the rain-spattered window.
He runs the honey-coloured braid through his fingers.
He’s let her off lightly.
castelsarrasin 
Dear Sandra,
There’s revenge of a different nature. Not what you had me expecting when he pulled the knife. Good job.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
I am to surprise 🙂 Thanks for commenting Rochelle.
LikeLike
Sandra, I just love the narrator’s voice you’ve written here. It seems so authentic and creepy.
LikeLike
Creepy… that’s my aim. 🙂 Thanks for dropping by David.
LikeLike
Art – and psychology. You’ve exposed mens’ psychosis. I learnt long ago to watch out for the weak, and unsuccessful ones (unsuccessful not after trying, no, other kinds) – they are the ones who might abuse, and theorise and justify just as your bus passenger. Chilling. Greatlexicon.
LikeLike
Thanks pirate! Glad you liked it.
LikeLike
great twist in the story ! loved this Sandra… 🙂
LikeLike
Thank you!
LikeLike
I come here each week with my hand poised to hit “like” and I’ve not yet been disappointed.
janet
LikeLike
I’m flattered Janet, thank you! 🙂
LikeLike
Chilling!
I loved the way you set the whole stage here, I knew, as a reader, that we were headed somewhere dark, but it still surprised me as we got there. You set the mood, the pace just right!
Great work, but that’s nothing new 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks Parul! 🙂
LikeLike
That’ s a privilegy to be in his mind – especially when it’ s penned so well. Unnoticable, yet so unpredictable. Intense.
LikeLike
Thank you, glad you enjoyed it.
LikeLike
Wow Sandra, had me guessing and like the others I guessed wrong. The guy needs some therapy.
LikeLike
Doesn’t he just… thanks for dropping by Joe.
LikeLike
How sad yet true (the thought process of some). The twist at the end excellent, Sandra! Your written word exceedingly well done. 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks Penny, glad you liked it.
LikeLike
As ever Sandra your mind keeps us guessing
LikeLike
Thanks Sue, glad you’re still reading.
LikeLike
Chilling! I thought of Jack The Ripper immediately! Sandra, as always, you delivered the goods here. Nice!
LikeLike
Thanks Kent, and lovely photo so thanks again.
LikeLike
Love it–great revenge story. And a souvenir to remind him of his restraint.
LikeLike
If you can’t get the girl, better to have a reminder… 😦 Thanks for dropping by vb.
LikeLike
Great twist at the end; now he can run his fingers through her hair anytime he wants! Very effective story, Sandra.
LikeLike
🙂 Thanks Perry.
LikeLike
Whoa… now that’s the Sandra we know and fear 🙂 — I really liked this one and it’s braided ending.
LikeLike
Thanks Bill, glad you liked it. 🙂
LikeLike
“He lets her off lightly.”
Creepy and dangerous… Will she learn to be kind…? Perhaps.. 😉
LikeLike
She’ll certainly have to spend less time on her hair…. thanks for dropping by.
LikeLike
oh wow this is crazy and sooo sooo awesome. that last line “He lets her off lightly.” was just perfect.
LikeLike
Thanks kz 🙂
LikeLike
I love it. Suprise twist, you expect the worst, and then you get a taste a sweet, non-fatal revenge. Delightfully wicked!
LikeLike
I don’t normally let me characters off this lightly… 😉 Thanks for dropping by.
LikeLike
a weird man. but an imaginative story. well-told
LikeLike
Certainly is weird… thanks for dropping by. 🙂
LikeLike
I didn’t see that flash of steel coming, but on re-reading the story, I think the tone of the narrator holds true throughout. And a neat pairing with both letting each other off lightly. Thankfully, he just took her braid!
LikeLike
Thanks for dropping by and commenting. 🙂
LikeLike
Brilliant, Sandra.
Started well, built up beautifully and a pow! ending.
Absolutely loved it.
LikeLike
Thank you! 🙂
LikeLike
Sandra, this is a perfect 100-word story. So well done. 😀
LikeLike
Thanks Linda, glad you liked it.
LikeLike
Love it.
LikeLike
Thanks!
LikeLike
Hmm, a “hair-razing” experience!
Sorry, couldn’t resist. Great job!
Scott
LikeLike
Thanks Scott. 🙂
LikeLike
Excellent. Completely unexpected. Oooo that honey-colored braid never saw it coming either.
LikeLike
Cut off in its prime… 🙂 Thanks for commenting.
LikeLike
Unexpected ending. Great writing.
LikeLike
Thanks Monica 🙂
LikeLike
Unexpected end, a relief certainly, but still cruel in a way only a weakling can be,
LikeLike
I can think of very little that is more cruel… it will take ages to grow back.
LikeLike
Wow, this is wild! I love it, the totally opposite of what is expected but anguish none the less!
LikeLike
Thank you Claudia! 🙂
LikeLike
Freak! Lol..nice job.
LikeLike
Totally! 🙂 Thank you.
LikeLike
Revenge! The unthinkable seems to happen…then we realize it’s just a lock of hair that was cut! Great job!
LikeLike
Thanks Jan! 🙂
LikeLike
WOah! I thought he’d stabbed her. I never saw the haircut coming, though you foreshadowed it well.
LikeLike
Thanks; that’s one haircut she’ll remember. 🙂
LikeLike
Wo, that was a scary one. I thought he would…you know. Very intense, even though he didn’t…you know.
LikeLike
I know 😉 Thanks for dropping by.
LikeLike
A scary glimpse into a twisted mind. Next time he might not be so restrained.
LikeLike
You’re right Anne; thanks for commenting.
LikeLike
Damn Sandra, we finally get warm temps up Bflo way, and you’ve got me sitting here shivering.
LikeLike
Cool! 🙂 Thanks for commenting.
LikeLike
So creepy, but so perfectly plausible. It seems recent events have totally prepared us to expect murder, so getting mayhem instead provides a bigger shock. Great job!
LikeLike
Thanks for commenting. I decided to avoid the more dramatic ending this week 😉
LikeLike
Pingback: Quarry | Things I See and Know
HI Sandra
this is brilliant – perfect even. I love ‘inhaling her presence’ for its sheer creepiness. And the surprise at the end when he has only cut her braid. And the lucky escape she had because it could have been worse. And… I could go on. This is a huge story inside a tiny one. Loved it.
LikeLike
Thank you! I’m glad you liked it. There are some people who do this, and I can think of nothing creepier…the ultimate assault. Hell, I’m frightening myself all over again!
LikeLike
Oh, not the kind of ending I expected…definitely let her off lightly, hair does grow back 🙂
LikeLike
Oooh, what a wonderful twist! That bastard, but how brilliant–the ultimate revenge without shedding any blood. Heh. Heh.
Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/post-modern-ossuary/
LikeLike
Now that was kind of creepy. Good one!
LikeLike
Wow! I was holding my breath, I had to read it twice! Good job, wow!
LikeLike
She better be careful….next time, it may be more than her braid…like her neck from ear to ear. Sorry, my bad. Been watching the Jodie Arias trial all week. Well done, Sandra
LikeLike
Excellent story, Sandra. Some folks take rejection seriously. Glad she only lost her braid.
LikeLike
The writing is so engaging, I almost feel sympathy for him. Nicely done.
LikeLike
Chilling. The twist is humorous until you realize he is still a very, very scary guy. Very well done.
LikeLike
I was guessing to the end, you spun the story out well. Your main character is well rounded for a flash, we know a lot about his past in such a short space of story!
LikeLike
It’s already been said, but… Creepy. Long ago I read “The Rape of the Lock.” I don’t remember much about it, but this truly gives the concept of stealing a lady’s hair a sinister twist!
LikeLike
Fantastic story this week Sandra. I was really expecting her throat to be slit. Great writing.
Claire
LikeLike
On my first read I ended up smiling, on re-reading I realise this was maybe an incorrect response. Your writing is so subtle that with a different frame of mind the innocent can become terrifying.
LikeLike
Great story, creepy… Nice character development. Clever twist too, almost a twist on a twist.
LikeLike
Great story, creepy… Nice character development. Clever twist too, almost a twist on a twist..
LikeLike
The telling of the story and the characters are excellent. Some of these comment show a twisted mind similar to your MC 😀
LikeLike