Stiff Upper Lip (Friday Fictioneers, June 2013)

Copyright Managua Gunn

Once again it’s time for Friday Fictioneers.  I’d spent half an hour reflecting on the size and contours of this guard’s backside before I realised what I was seeing.  Duh!  🙂

The worst thing, Sergeant Riley said, was when your mascara runs into your eyes.

Corporal Miller disagreed.  It’s when you desperately need the bathroom, and there’s still an hour of your shift left.

Lieutenant Jones knew a woman who’d barfed at the very same moment that the Prime Minister’s car passed by, whilst Major Barton had once spent two hours with a wasp beneath her uniform.

But Trooper Amelia Randall knew they were all wrong.

The worst thing was watching the man whose bed you’d left only four hours earlier standing in the square, snogging the face off your sister.

About Sandra

I used to cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and wrote fiction and poetry. Now I live on the beautiful Dorset coast, enjoying the luxury of being able to have a cat, cultivating an extensive garden and getting involved in the community. I still write fiction, but only when the spirit moves me - which isn't as often as before. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
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82 Responses to Stiff Upper Lip (Friday Fictioneers, June 2013)

  1. Hannah says:

    And here is another sad story! Guards seem to inspire them. Well-done !


  2. kz says:

    ugh >< nothing worse than Trooper Randall's woes. i don't think it'd be possible for me to stand so still. great story 🙂


  3. britlight says:

    I did the same thing with the bum before saying out loud “That’s a woman?” Nice story. It must take all of Trooper Amelia’s willpower not to inflict immediate pain on the man.


  4. misskzebra says:

    …Ouch. I hope these soldiers are paid well.


  5. Oh, well done, Sandra. I love what for you doesn’t sound exotic, your British-ism: “snogging the face off your sister.” Although I’m very familiar with this from all my reading, I’d probably never think to use it.



    • Sandra says:

      It’s not a phrase I’d normally use either Janet, but sometimes for writers there are these ‘in the role’ moments that actors experience and the vocabulary just emerges. I’m always grateful when it happens. Thanks for dropping by. 🙂 PS I did check on Google to see that Americans were familiar with the word ‘snogging’. 🙂


  6. vb holmes says:

    Love the ladies’ complaints–suspect some have plagued the gents as well. Personally, I think standing still for long periods would be enough torment for me.


  7. paulmclem says:

    I laughed. Which is good.


  8. Linda Vernon says:

    Oh boy. That’s gotta be the worst thing for sure! I was nicely surprised at the end! 😀


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  10. wmqcolby says:

    As we say in America, “Ohhhhhh … SNAP!”

    THAT … was … SUPERB! Sandra you ROCKED it BIG time!

    Or as we also say in America, “Bases loaded, bottom of the ninth, tie score, full count, swing … HOME RUN!!!”


  11. oops .. yes amazing we were on the same wavelength there.. you see a lot of things. but you are never seen


  12. ah she has the means to settle with this felllow


  13. Ooh, that’s similar to Bjorn’s offering! You were on the same wavelength! I suspect the penalties for leaving your post are too severe to give someone a bop on the nose! Loved this too.


  14. Dear Sandra,

    I’ll bet Amelia has plans for him when she’s off duty and they have nothing to do with snogging. Delightful story!




  15. And to not cry…?? That is the worse.


  16. Lyn says:

    “snogging the face of her sister” has so much more value than “kissing her sister” It calls for greater retribution. Great use of your ration of 100 words, Sandra.


  17. Jan Brown says:

    Well, that WOULD be the worst! Good job, Sandra.


  18. I can imagine all the female soldiers at night, swapping horror stories. Yeah, that would definitely be the worst of them, I think. She’d be tempted to use that gun of hers.


  19. Penny L Howe says:

    Just outstanding Sandra. Your written words, the tale, everything, I loved it! 🙂


  20. nightlake says:

    Poor trooper Amelia Randall. She probably never told the other guards, but was thinking this to herself. real twist. lovely


  21. Sandra says:

    Thanks for reading Nightlake. 🙂


  22. Snogging? Guess any snogging would be bad, especially that snogging!


  23. JKBradley says:

    I really like the word ‘Snogging’.

    Btw, I was watching a short movie on the history and culture of France with my children when the film went on to show the houseboats. I told my children all about you at that moment. Now they want to move across the pond and relocate to a floating home.


  24. Helena Hann-Basquiat says:

    Magic, darling. Well written and dryly surprising.


  25. Pingback: The Changing of the Guards – Friday Fictioneers | Being the Memoirs of Helena Hann-Basquiat, Dilettante.

  26. Trudy says:

    Brilliant last line! Totally unexpected 🙂


  27. EagleAye says:

    Ooh, I think somebody it going to get a spikey helmet up the patootie after she’s off duty. Things could get ugly. Brilliantly put together story!


  28. All the emotions you portrayed here were terrific.
    But obviously the best of all was:
    “The worst thing was watching the man whose bed you’d left only four hours earlier standing in the square, snogging the face off your sister.”

    Great job. Randy


  29. Brutal. Takes a lot of discipline to not leave your post to deal with that.


  30. Shreyank says:

    well the last part was sad.. but the rest hilarious to read (if it were true it wudn’t be so funny though)


  31. Shreyank says:

    btw I just read Janet’s story before this… and I think Amelia will become the character of Janet’s story after this !


  32. neenslewy says:

    Brilliant! Loved the ending – and the insight into the trials of the guard duty! Fabulous Flash!


  33. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Sandra,

    That’s what the rifle is for….

    (Absolutely loved your take on the prompt. Delightful.)




  34. rgayer55 says:

    I image those guards have plenty of horror stories to exchange when off duty. Snogging your girlfriends sister right in front of her shows a lack of brains and character. I’m sure she’ll get even with both of them. Great story, Sandra.


  35. unspywriter says:

    I wondered if it were a woman, too. And, yep, it would be difficult to stand guard while watching the snogging. The gun and/or bayonet would be too tempting. 😉

    Here’s mine:


  36. Erinleary says:

    Well, Sandra, as usual, you made me look closer. I missed the obvious – just saw the soldier standing guard and your story snapped me to attention. I blame my phone’s small screen and working this while on the road. Lovely story, by the way. I hope he gets what’s due him.


  37. Great story. Hasn’t she got any bullets? No jury would convict her.


  38. billgncs says:

    ha — think how long she had to plan revenge !!! Good one!


  39. She wins, hands down (Though the wasp would be quite the competitor),


  40. Sarah Ann says:

    Oh this is fantastic – so well crafted. I would love to read about the aftermath of Amelia’s discovery.


  41. Dee says:

    Loved this Sandra well written. Had to smile at the ‘snogging the face of her sister’ not a phrase I’d expect from you, but so very right somehow. 🙂


  42. rheath40 says:

    The bitch in me would leave my post and smack them both with the butt of my gun!


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