Once again it’s time for Friday Fictioneers. I’d spent half an hour reflecting on the size and contours of this guard’s backside before I realised what I was seeing. Duh! 🙂
The worst thing, Sergeant Riley said, was when your mascara runs into your eyes.
Corporal Miller disagreed. It’s when you desperately need the bathroom, and there’s still an hour of your shift left.
Lieutenant Jones knew a woman who’d barfed at the very same moment that the Prime Minister’s car passed by, whilst Major Barton had once spent two hours with a wasp beneath her uniform.
But Trooper Amelia Randall knew they were all wrong.
The worst thing was watching the man whose bed you’d left only four hours earlier standing in the square, snogging the face off your sister.
And here is another sad story! Guards seem to inspire them. Well-done !
LikeLike
Thank you Hannah.
LikeLike
ugh >< nothing worse than Trooper Randall's woes. i don't think it'd be possible for me to stand so still. great story 🙂
LikeLike
She’s got plenty of time on her hands for revenge plotting.
LikeLike
I did the same thing with the bum before saying out loud “That’s a woman?” Nice story. It must take all of Trooper Amelia’s willpower not to inflict immediate pain on the man.
LikeLike
Funny isn’t it how innately gender-orientated we are. Thanks for reading.
LikeLike
…Ouch. I hope these soldiers are paid well.
LikeLike
So do I! Thanks for visiting.
LikeLike
Oh, well done, Sandra. I love what for you doesn’t sound exotic, your British-ism: “snogging the face off your sister.” Although I’m very familiar with this from all my reading, I’d probably never think to use it.
janet
LikeLike
It’s not a phrase I’d normally use either Janet, but sometimes for writers there are these ‘in the role’ moments that actors experience and the vocabulary just emerges. I’m always grateful when it happens. Thanks for dropping by. 🙂 PS I did check on Google to see that Americans were familiar with the word ‘snogging’. 🙂
LikeLike
Love the ladies’ complaints–suspect some have plagued the gents as well. Personally, I think standing still for long periods would be enough torment for me.
LikeLike
I couldn’t stand still either. It’s difficult for me to even walk slowly. Thanks for dropping by, vb.
LikeLike
I laughed. Which is good.
LikeLike
I can ask nothing more Paul. 😉
LikeLike
Oh boy. That’s gotta be the worst thing for sure! I was nicely surprised at the end! 😀
LikeLike
I think I’d rather see that than battle with my digestive system on duty. 🙂
LikeLike
Pingback: Friday Fictioneers, 21 June 2013: Chameleon | One Starving Activist
As we say in America, “Ohhhhhh … SNAP!”
THAT … was … SUPERB! Sandra you ROCKED it BIG time!
Or as we also say in America, “Bases loaded, bottom of the ninth, tie score, full count, swing … HOME RUN!!!”
LikeLike
That’s cricket you’re talking about, right? 😉 Thank you Kent.
LikeLike
oops .. yes amazing we were on the same wavelength there.. you see a lot of things. but you are never seen
LikeLike
Thanks for dropping by Bjorn. 🙂
LikeLike
ah she has the means to settle with this felllow
LikeLike
I wouldn’t be him for any price!
LikeLike
Ooh, that’s similar to Bjorn’s offering! You were on the same wavelength! I suspect the penalties for leaving your post are too severe to give someone a bop on the nose! Loved this too.
LikeLike
Thanks for reading Freya. 🙂
LikeLike
Dear Sandra,
I’ll bet Amelia has plans for him when she’s off duty and they have nothing to do with snogging. Delightful story!
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Thanks Rochelle. 🙂
LikeLike
And to not cry…?? That is the worse.
LikeLike
Difficult, hey?
LikeLike
“snogging the face of her sister” has so much more value than “kissing her sister” It calls for greater retribution. Great use of your ration of 100 words, Sandra.
LikeLike
Thanks Lynn. The Muse of the Vernacular was at my elbow today. 🙂 Thanks for reading.
LikeLike
Well, that WOULD be the worst! Good job, Sandra.
LikeLike
Thanks Jan! 🙂
LikeLike
I can imagine all the female soldiers at night, swapping horror stories. Yeah, that would definitely be the worst of them, I think. She’d be tempted to use that gun of hers.
LikeLike
More than likely, Dave. Loved yours this week.
LikeLike
Just outstanding Sandra. Your written words, the tale, everything, I loved it! 🙂
LikeLike
Thank you Penny! 🙂
LikeLike
Poor trooper Amelia Randall. She probably never told the other guards, but was thinking this to herself. real twist. lovely
LikeLike
Thanks for reading Nightlake. 🙂
LikeLike
Snogging? Guess any snogging would be bad, especially that snogging!
LikeLike
🙂 Thanks for dropping by Perry.
LikeLike
I really like the word ‘Snogging’.
Btw, I was watching a short movie on the history and culture of France with my children when the film went on to show the houseboats. I told my children all about you at that moment. Now they want to move across the pond and relocate to a floating home.
LikeLike
Children love boats don’t they? In fact, they love water, except when it’s accompanied by soap. Thanks for dropping by JK.
LikeLike
Magic, darling. Well written and dryly surprising.
LikeLike
Thank you Helena, and for the ping-back.
LikeLike
Pingback: The Changing of the Guards – Friday Fictioneers | Being the Memoirs of Helena Hann-Basquiat, Dilettante.
Very good!
LikeLike
Thanks!
LikeLike
Brilliant last line! Totally unexpected 🙂
LikeLike
Thank you Trudy.:)
LikeLike
Ooh, I think somebody it going to get a spikey helmet up the patootie after she’s off duty. Things could get ugly. Brilliantly put together story!
LikeLike
Thanks EagleAye. 🙂
LikeLike
All the emotions you portrayed here were terrific.
But obviously the best of all was:
“The worst thing was watching the man whose bed you’d left only four hours earlier standing in the square, snogging the face off your sister.”
Great job. Randy
LikeLike
Thanks Randy, glad you liked it.
LikeLike
Brutal. Takes a lot of discipline to not leave your post to deal with that.
LikeLike
True. Thanks for dropping by.
LikeLike
well the last part was sad.. but the rest hilarious to read (if it were true it wudn’t be so funny though)
LikeLike
Thanks Shreyank 🙂
LikeLike
btw I just read Janet’s story before this… and I think Amelia will become the character of Janet’s story after this !
LikeLike
Brilliant! Loved the ending – and the insight into the trials of the guard duty! Fabulous Flash!
LikeLike
Thank you! 🙂
LikeLike
Dear Sandra,
That’s what the rifle is for….
(Absolutely loved your take on the prompt. Delightful.)
Aloha,
Doug
LikeLike
Thanks Doug, glad to see you around. 🙂
LikeLike
I image those guards have plenty of horror stories to exchange when off duty. Snogging your girlfriends sister right in front of her shows a lack of brains and character. I’m sure she’ll get even with both of them. Great story, Sandra.
LikeLike
Thanks Russell. 🙂
LikeLike
I wondered if it were a woman, too. And, yep, it would be difficult to stand guard while watching the snogging. The gun and/or bayonet would be too tempting. 😉
Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/the-unknown-soldier/
LikeLike
Thanks Maggie!
LikeLike
Well, Sandra, as usual, you made me look closer. I missed the obvious – just saw the soldier standing guard and your story snapped me to attention. I blame my phone’s small screen and working this while on the road. Lovely story, by the way. I hope he gets what’s due him.
LikeLike
I almost missed it myself Erin, despite contemplating the physiology for so long. 🙂
LikeLike
Great story. Hasn’t she got any bullets? No jury would convict her.
LikeLike
🙂 Thanks for commenting Patrick.
LikeLike
ha — think how long she had to plan revenge !!! Good one!
LikeLike
All the time in the world. Thanks Bill 🙂
LikeLike
She wins, hands down (Though the wasp would be quite the competitor),
Scott
Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2013/06/20/friday-fictioneers-62113-romantic-fiction-pg13/
LikeLike
I wouldn’t fancy that wasp’s chances Scott. Thanks for dropping by.
LikeLike
Oh this is fantastic – so well crafted. I would love to read about the aftermath of Amelia’s discovery.
LikeLike
Thanks Sarah Ann. It might not make pretty reading.
LikeLike
Loved this Sandra well written. Had to smile at the ‘snogging the face of her sister’ not a phrase I’d expect from you, but so very right somehow. 🙂
LikeLike
Vernacular can be so tempting sometimes… 🙂
LikeLike
The bitch in me would leave my post and smack them both with the butt of my gun!
LikeLike
My bitch is with your bitch on this. 🙂
LikeLike
Bahhha! I knew it would be. 😉
LikeLike