Copyright Claire Fuller
Knocking Off
The klaxon signals the shift change and tension slowly ratchets.
Ma juggles pots and pans at the fireside. We daren’t distract her; one burned stew spells disaster… tears… blows… blood.
We hear him coming, hawking up the acrid dust he’s inhaled all day, and we hide behind the privy to safely measure his mood.
The door slams and Ma’s nervous greetings earn monosyllabic grunts that spell hope.
At Ma’s signal we file in to take our place at supper and Clara, the eldest, carries his dinner carefully to the table.
She stumbles… the pot shatters on the flagged floor.
And so it begins…
Friday Fictioneers attracts writers from all over the world at weekly intervals. In response to a photo prompt, around 100 writers put brains into gear and fingers to keyboard. Thanks to Rochelle, our hostess, for all her efforts.
castelsarrasin 
Excellent Sandra. I held my breath waiting to learn his mood.
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Thanks Kim, glad you liked it.
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Dear Sandra,
I felt myself tensing up at the end as “it” is about to begin. Hard hitting, vivid and sad.
shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks Rochelle! Glad it worked for you.
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So good Sandra again your ending took my breath away. Very good indeed.
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Thank you Michael, glad you liked it.
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Powerful! I can feel the tension building. That one phrase, “and so it begins” is set up perfectly in the sparse but effective wording of what came before.
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Thanks Judee. Are you sure we can’t tempt you back again? 🙂
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not quite yet . . . 🙂
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This is such an evocative story and horribly true of so many families. That fear, the relief and then the break. It is a very powerful piece.
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Life can be a bit of a roller-coaster, I guess. Thanks for dropping by.
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What happens next?
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Tears…blows… blood? 🙂
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A vivid picture of the lives of the less fortunate, succinct, moving.
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A reality for too many kids, I guess.
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This is terrifyingly brilliant.
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Thank you! 🙂
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Sandra, you build the tension up so well and then left us to imagine the horror of what would happen next. Not the best start to my morning, but I have a feeling there will be plenty of sad stories this week.
janet
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I think the prompt attracted a fair bit of nostalgia too. Thanks for dropping by Janet.
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Great atmospheric take on this one. I felt it rock SOLID. Great, Sandra! I felt as if I was in a scene from How Green Was My Valley … the twisted version!
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Thanks Kent, yes I had something like that in mind. 🙂
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Sandra, You are so good at giving me chills. Such a powerful story.
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Thanks Lisa, glad it worked for you.
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That kept me tense throughout. Nicely written.
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Thank you!
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The angle of domestic abuse… So well captured. I’m sure that’s exactly how it feels. A hope that today would be different, yet again quenched.
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That’s the recurring feature of abuse I guess, you always believe it’s going to go away. Thanks for dropping by.
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this was terrifying. and your writing is excellent. always a pleasure to read your stories each week.
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Thank you kz! 🙂
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Perfect buildup: fearful anticiipation; the sense of relief, and then the sucker punch. Well done, Sandra.
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Thank you vb, glad you enjoyed it.
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I was holding my breath as well, great tension builder 🙂
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Thanks Helen!
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Enjoyed this one, thanks!
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I’m pleased Paul. 🙂
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I have a tightness in my chest. You’ve painted a vivid portrayal that i can feel.
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Thanks Dawn, glad it worked for you.
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This is what flash fiction’s about. You have everything there in a handful of words.
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Thank you Etienne, 🙂
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Riveting. The story holds its mood, excellent flow and tension… the language adds to this fantastic story. You make it look so easy, Sandra.
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Thanks Dawn, glad you liked it.
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Your stories are some of my favorite, each and every week, Sandra. 🙂
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Excellent story and so well written.
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Thank you Caherine.
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Very well done! This definitely brought the anger up out of my belly.
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Thanks Riya, my work here is done then! 🙂
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Sounds like Donald Trump is their dad. Makes me feel like the environment in my household wasn’t so bad …
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🙂 Nothing could be as bad as this, I fear.
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Sandra,
What a perfect slope of rising tension, from the first sentence. The word “klaxon” is great, showing both the end of shift and sounding the alarm. Loved it.
-David
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Thanks David, glad you liked it
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You described the fear of a family awaiting the return of an abusive husband/father perfectly. It must be awful to live on egg shells all the time, not knowing what his mood is and terrified of setting him off.
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You really did an outstanding job building the tension; I, too, was anxious to know what his mood would be. It definitely sticks with you.
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Fantastic build of the tension. I was holding my breath by the end. A wonderful and chilling depiction.
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So many families, even today, are afraid of their father’s moods. Well written.
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This was a very realistic piece. It unfortunatly could have come from the newspaper as there are families who often go through that .
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Oh Sandra — I do hope this is all from imagination. Sadly, you’re describing my childhood. The anxiety was palpable.
I’m not writing this week, but I’d love it if you’d drop by my blog for a second anyway, I posted a big announcement today.
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Excellent work, Sandra. I was THERE in every step of the story. Thankfully I had nothing like this experience in my childhood, but I knew others who did. And you made it so REAL that no reader could fail to feel the pain of it.
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Sandra, I sat on the end of pins and needles from the beginning wonder would it be tonight. Too easily things devolve in households like this. Very well written slice of the side of life many like to forget exists.
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a well-written piece.
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Superb. Horrible. I wonder how many lives have been lived this way.
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You’ve done it again Sandra. Excellent story. I felt the fear the whole family felt. Terrible.
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Sad but a very gripping read. Well done 🙂
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Sad life. Most likely there are many families who suffer the same fate.
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You’ve made this experience so real and frightening I felt as if I was in that family, Sandra. Great writing.
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Sandra, I have to say that was, most likely, your best work to date. I loved the total picture conjured up in so few words. Nothing distracted and we all knew exactly what was going on.
Splendid!
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Edge of the seat riveting.
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I love how you leave us just at that moment of possible violence. The tension is very well written.
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This had me hoping and praying that it would not end as it did!Cannot even begin to imagine how such lives are lived!An exceptional piece-both in content & style from you Sandra 🙂
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Very well written…I swear I almost cried when she tripped and fell… 😦
Which of course means this is a great write!
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The last line is so casually prophetic it’s devastating. An all too realistic glimpse into a family nightmare. Well done.
Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/family-ties/
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‘Ratchets’ is a brilliant tension-raising verb in this story. You describe vividly the personality of an abuser and also the ends to which spouses and children go to avoid these triggers; the mindset that develops in victims. Sadly, this can lead to a learnt wariness of relationships that can last, unconsciously, a lifetime. 😦
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Very sad story, excellently written, but unfortunately no fiction – all over the world. I had immediately the song of Suzanne Vega in mind:
“They only hit until you cry
And after that you don’t ask why
You just don’t argue anymore”
Liebe Grüße
Carmen
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Oy, So well written and yet so sad to read. Those poor kids.
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Well done Sandra.
Regards
Jim
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You certainly built up the tension and gave us the ending it promised. Some people’s lives!
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Ouch. Domestic violence is indeed terrible. You had me really rooting for Ma first, and then Clara too, I was terrified for them! Nicely executed..
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You never really know what goes on behind closed doors, nor how what goes on outside can break a person and grind them down…. A tense and well told piece.
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“And so it begins…”foreboding! Powerful words.
Thanks to the collective feedback…I’ve updated my entry and am pleased with the results:
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Fantastic! One mistake spells tears or blood, an unintelligible grunt spells hope, and a routine life that spells fear.
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Beautiful piece Sandra, with a killer last 2 lines. Great job! I look forward to writing my own Friday Fictioneer this week 🙂
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Thank you! See you Wednesday then! 🙂
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