The Things You See (Friday Fictioneers, March 2014)

Copyright John Nixon

I like to walk here; you see things in the forest.

Not just birds and insects; not only deer peeping shyly from behind gnarly trunks, or foxes slinking from the shadows.

Sometimes I’ve seen bodies in the undergrowth; sometimes voles, dormice, rabbits.

Sometimes other bodies.

It’s getting dark; I hurry on home.

When I arrive Aunt Eleanor is visiting again. I watch Daddy, watching her.

Then I watch her, watching me.

She doesn’t like me much, but I don’t mind.

Daddy says I can have a pony sometime soon. And maybe a puppy too.

Because you see things in the forest.

 

 

Phew!  Unpleasant though this little girl might be, she’s nothing on the first attempt I had for this week’s Friday Fictioneers.  Maybe some other time ….   🙂   Rochelle springs a surprise on us this week by posting the prompt a day early – I thought I was having a senior moment for a while  this morning.

About Sandra

I cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and write fiction and poetry. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
This entry was posted in Friday Fictioneers, Just Sayin' and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

108 Responses to The Things You See (Friday Fictioneers, March 2014)

  1. How wonderfully creepy.

    Like

  2. Dear Sandra,

    Well the surprise was actually on me. I schedule ahead and, apparently, hit the wrong date. So I was as shocked as anyone to wake up to three likes on 28 March.

    I love the way you’ve told this story from the child’s POV. It makes it a little spookier because you see things…well done as always.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

  3. Gave me chills! I like how you’ve shown the special connection between a father and daughter with similar skills. Question is: are they real, or is Aunt Eleanor?

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  4. MrBinks says:

    Creepy, creepy, creepy!

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  5. After I read this, I looked at the picture again and suddenly began to see things in all the twisted shapes. From the title, I thought this was Dr. Seuss-esque, but not so much. 🙂 Great job.

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  6. I love that the child’s voice makes this story so believable. Well told 🙂

    Like

  7. Dee says:

    Ooh very chilly, well done Sandra. I wondered where your walk through the wood was taking us, relieved it wasn’t quite as dark as I expected.
    Dee

    PS – Glad I wasn’t the only one to double check the calendar today!

    Like

  8. Indira says:

    Very nice Sandra. How well you write.

    Like

  9. helenmidgley says:

    That was seriously creepy, in so few words that was fantastic 🙂

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  10. Bryan Ens says:

    Well…that’s a tad spooky! Well done!

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  11. Nan Falkner says:

    Sandra – very well told story from the child’s view. I see different things in the picture each time I look at it too. I hope the little girl gets a pony and a puppy. By the way, I don’t think I like Aunt Eleanor either. A puppy might cause problems with their superior sniffer. Poor little girl. Good job! Nan 🙂

    Like

  12. faithsfire says:

    Sandra, once again, I leave your story with an image that is both haunting and awesome. It’s so good to be back where I can read all these wonderful things again!

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  13. Good story. It makes you wonder what’s going on with that family. It’s a bit scary. A lot of secrets. Well done.

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  14. K.Z. says:

    that was wicked! and it’s great how you made use of the child’s voice, making it extra eerie.

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  15. wmqcolby says:

    Shaking my head here … as in you’ve done it again, Sandra. This story has some really great things in it. I loved the “watching me” “watching her” exchange. BTW, I had not heard of voles before. We call them “moles” here … and they are a nuisance! Great work, as usual!

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  16. I think Aunt Eleanor should be watching her and also watching her own step.

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  17. Linda Vernon says:

    Yikes. I love that your stories always lead somewhere worth going to.

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  18. elmowrites says:

    Oooh… I don’t know what to think. I’m fairly convinced Aunt is just a title and Eleanor is not Daddy’s sister. Or at last …not, that’s even more creepy than I’m willing to go… and I love the opening lines building up to what you see. I can’t decide whether this girl is about to give it or get it!

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      Why Jen, you’re even more twisted than I am! 🙂 In my head Aunt Eleaonor is his wife’s sister but now that you mention it…. Thanks for visiting and casting a new slant on things – I know I can rely on you. 😉

      Like

  19. elappleby says:

    Very creepy! But I want to know what your other story was going to be… or maybe I don’t!

    Like

  20. Judah First says:

    Lots of mystery in this little tale. Nicely done!

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  21. I guess you could say the daughter made maximum use of her knowledge… and bodies can be so much.. he he.

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  22. draliman says:

    Creepy! I loved the bit near the end where everyone was watching each other, it read really well.

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  23. Carrie says:

    I’m with everyone else: seriously creepy!

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  24. This is a great story carol, I stopped and several scenarios came to me, equally scary. I like that you write in first person present, it gives your story a whole added dimension. Excellent piece.

    Like

  25. JackieP says:

    That was just creepy and I loved it. Good one!

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  26. Jim Kane says:

    I liked the creepy element in this Sandra! You “sharpened the edge” when you got her back to the house!
    Regards
    Jim

    Like

  27. storydivamg says:

    This is packed with good stuff, Carol. You leave just enough mystery at the end.

    All my best,
    Marie Gail

    Like

  28. plaridel says:

    great story. hope the girl gets a real pony.

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  29. The bodies were a bit unsettling. But the child is precious.

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  30. Subroto says:

    Brilliantly done. Can’t make out which one is a ghost and which is not 🙂

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  31. Very spooky tone of voice, Sandra. Loved it.

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  32. Sandra, interestingly (or not) I did not find this little girl “unpleasant.” You have captured this child’s voice really well, and I thought she seemed like many children– honest, seeing, observant. Spooky, yet, but really good story.

    I too had a senior moment… seeing this in the evening! Then, woke up the next morning and realized I’d posted my story to my blog, but not the linkz–arrgh!! I coulda’ been a contender! (#22 vs #41!) Feh.

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      Ah, it’s obviously all in the eye of the beholder! 😉 Yes, my week has been really strange, I’ve been one day ahead of myself since Tuesday. Thanks for reading.

      Like

  33. Sorchia D says:

    Ooo–little pitchers have big ears–and eyes. Wonderful ending and a consistent voice. A memorable contribution, Sandra.

    Like

  34. A ha! Hush money. An insidious twist to a creepy tale.

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  35. rgayer55 says:

    I’m glad they were watching each other and not watching me. I’m not feeling warm, friendly smiles in their facial expressions.

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  36. Creepy, with prickles under the skin and goosebumps. Wonderful!

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  37. Very scary and well written. What a way to get a pony! hope Aunt Eleanor was worth it.

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  38. Oh so creepy. The birth of a blackmailer.

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  39. Hi Sandra,
    Great story. This girl sounded so innocent, and then, at the end, it hit me how manipulative she is. She knows where the bodies are buried. Beautifully structured story! Ron

    Like

  40. R. E. Hunter says:

    A lot left unsaid. Well done.

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  41. Uh oh what did that kid see that its worth a pony and a puppy? Yikes!

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  42. Oh good grief, that was so very creepy. Absolutely brilliant. That child knows her power….

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  43. Hmm…so did one of those bodies belong to the child’s mother? Great as usual Sandra but I especially enjoy thought provoking stories.

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  44. Amy Reese says:

    Somehow I don’t trust this little girl. I can see her wandering around the forest, planning her next move. Someone better get her a pony, Sandra. Quick! Great story!

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  45. hugmamma says:

    I love this little girl. No matter what…she gets what she wants…even if it’s only make-believe. Or is it?

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  46. atrm61 says:

    Yikes!But on the plus side,she is going to get that pony and that puppy too-not a bad bargain eh for having “eyes” ? ; -) Loved this creepy and wickedly evil tale Sandra but then I am from the dark side too 😛 (Am quite curious about your original version 😀 )

    Like

  47. I interpret this a couple different ways – a) that this girl is TRULY horrid and is killing things, or b) that she has seen things in the forest that her daddy doesn’t want anyone to know about.
    Thoughts?

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  48. I enjoy the “gentle” things this child sees in the forest. No goblins, no dwarfs. Good job.

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  49. Sarah Ann says:

    Theses leaves me with so many questions and ways into your character’s story. Not sure I want to investigate many of them though 🙂

    Like

  50. Lucy says:

    What a strange family. That was creepy good. Well done. Lucy

    Like

I'd love to hear your views; it reassures me I'm not talking to myself.

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