Emergency Appointment (Friday Fictioneers, June 2014)

Copyright Ted Strutz

He placed the sleeping child in the back of the trailer, pulling a blanket round her. She stirred momentarily.

A horn-blast heralded the ferry’s arrival as he closed the door. Plenty of time yet.

Just then a movement at an upstairs window caught his eye and he saw Louise gazing down from her surgery. She was early this morning…much too early.

He waved. Then clutching his jaw, he pulled a face and waggled his head from side to side.

She laughed, beckoning.

He sighed; they wouldn’t pay as much for her as the child, but she might be useful on the journey.

I don’t know what happened to my Friday Fictioneers story today; my post was up and several people commented on it, but suddenly it changed to ‘page not found’.  So I’m posting again.  Sorry for the inconvenience.  And I’ll ask the lovely Rochelle to delete the first link.  

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About Sandra

I cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and write fiction and poetry. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
This entry was posted in Friday Fictioneers, Just Sayin' and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

73 Responses to Emergency Appointment (Friday Fictioneers, June 2014)

  1. MrBinks says:

    Ooh, creepy!

    Like

  2. Dear Sandra,

    There’s a guy who’d sell his own mother into slavery. A chilling end that snuck up me. Well done.

    shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

  3. Very apt story – and not far-fetched. It certainly is happening. Great descriptive writing as always.

    Like

  4. Cracking story. So much going on around so few words. If only I could hit the like button a few more times.

    Like

  5. Creepy it is. Great story!

    Like

  6. This is such a creepy situation… I don’t think I fully get the story but I’m scared to read it a second time in case I do!

    Like

  7. Sandra, That was chilling indeed. It sounded so innocent at first, then turned very dark. Well written. 🙂 —Susan

    Like

  8. So sinister….what a great story.

    Like

  9. elmowrites says:

    Ooh, I didn’t like this guy right from the first “the sleeping child” – I call Sebastian all sorts of things, but never something quite so cold. Chilling stuff, cleverly woven. The only thing I would say is without the picture, I’m not sure it would be so obvious Louise was a dentist and therefore what was going on. But as long as you keep the prompt, it’s fine.

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      I suppose I’ve never stopped to think whether a story stands up on its own without the prompt. Instinctively I usually just take one part of the prompt and weave around that, but this was a hard photo to inspire a story other than one that revolved around a dentist. Thanks for reading.

      Like

  10. Wonderful story. Well done.

    Like

  11. Chilling story, especially because of the echoes of reality

    Like

  12. subroto says:

    Dark and mysterious, makes you wonder what is going on.

    Like

  13. paulmclem says:

    Think we both based our stories in Weirdsville today 🙂

    Like

  14. tedstrutz says:

    Well… that was chilling. Nice, Sandra.

    Like

  15. Oh Sandra, that was terrible! And I mean that in the most complimentary way.

    Like

  16. Oof! Not a nice person. Twisted bastard.

    Like

  17. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Sandra,

    You are deeply twisted, but in a good way, as in ‘I would not like to be the bad guy and have you discover that fact.’ In your stories the evil doers among us often seem to be getting away with something, but somewhere in your head I know they’re not. Well done.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Like

  18. MM Jaye says:

    After having my daughter, any sinister stories involving children are far too disturbing for me, but I have to admit that you weaved this remarkably well!

    Greetings from Greece!
    Maria (MM Jaye)

    Like

  19. elappleby says:

    For a minute there I thought it was going to be a sweet, joyful story – I should’ve known better! Loved the twist, but even better were the funny faces he pulled to make her laugh. Great stuff.

    Like

  20. such a creep.. I hope the mother brings a scalpel down with her.

    Like

  21. Sandra, your creative world is overflowing with bad guys lol.
    Love the funny faces followed by the sudden flip to the sinister.

    Like

  22. wmqcolby says:

    Oh that was a creeper! Am I right in assuming it was child trafficking? Heartbreaking.

    Well-done, Sandra! Very much well-done … again!

    And one smiley face 🙂 and a laugh-out loud face 😀 (just because I can).

    Like

  23. draliman says:

    That was so dark. I was expecting a nice little holiday, then father absconding with child, then I saw what was really going on. Chilling!

    Like

  24. Melanie says:

    Nice! Creepy, sad, and very effective. I like it.
    P.S. Sorry for stealing your title. I don’t read anyone’s stories until I’ve finished mine so there’s no subconscious influence, but this time I still ended up picking an already-used title.

    Like

  25. rgayer55 says:

    So much for the peacefule, serene setting. Horror never takes a day off, does it? Just this week we got news of a couple of sick bastards not far from our house who were trying to lure children into their van. I’d like to see them captured by a group of vigilantes and castrated.

    Like

  26. Maree Gallop says:

    Wow Sandra, great story. Intriguing, creepy and very thought provoking. Well done!

    Like

  27. Fascinating story, but I’ve a question. Was the surgery that was apparently on-going to change her face? Or is it a red herring? Or a macguffin, whatever that is? Anyway, nice chilling story.

    Like

  28. Alice Audrey says:

    That last line really does the trick. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop the whole way through, and did it ever. Not what I was expecting.

    Like

  29. Lucy says:

    What a slime! You capture creepy so well. Great take on the prompt, as always. Lucy

    Like

  30. Nan Falkner says:

    Dear Sandra, What a creepy bastard! I hope he gets his due soon! I’ll drive the getaway car for the lynch mob – if anyone wants to go! Good story Sandra! Nan:)

    Like

  31. Sun says:

    at first glance, having the character pull a blanket around the sleeping child led me to think he was a kind thoughtful person. i assume the adults knew each other and that would make this scene so much more upsetting.

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      It was awkward to set that scene in so few words, then manoeuvre the twist to darkness. It would have been better in 200 words I think. Thanks for reading.

      Like

  32. Amy Reese says:

    Sinister tone here and great suspense. Great writing as always, Sandra.

    Like

  33. hugmamma says:

    I reread this a couple of times. I think I was trying for a happier ending. You do this well, Sandra…very well.

    Like

  34. storydivamg says:

    Sandra,
    Chilling. And here I wanted to like the guy–he seemed to be taking such care for the child. Creep! Thanks for sharing this one.
    All my best,
    Marie Gail

    Like

  35. AnnIsikArts says:

    Yikes! I’ll never board a ferry again. And I’ve said that before! I hope in the sequel the lady dentist has got wise to him and will give him free dental treatment – Marathon Man style! I like how well in so few words you were able to have the hero shape shift into villain. 🙂

    Like

  36. Sarah Ann says:

    So innocent, and then that killer punchline. Wonderfully done.

    Like

  37. Sandra, your stories always seduce me along, even as I know I’m in for a shove. I had a feeling with the sleeping child– you do such a good job of delicately painting in those creepy moments– but Louise is where it really turned. Fantastic!

    Like

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