Copyright Melanie Greenwood
“What I miss most about Fran is her laugh… “
“More of a gurgle, remember?”
We sit in silence, soaking up the sunshine, reflecting.
“How’s Joe?”
“Not good – he talks about her a lot, things she used to do, where they went together.”
I signal the waiter for the bill.
“I hope I go quickly when the time comes.”
“Too true.”
“My turn to pay?”
“I can’t remember…”
“Oh for chrissakes…”
We both burst out laughing, then stop abruptly, embarrassed.
“Time to go?”
We rise.
“Come on Fran, let’s get you home to Joe.”
Fran giggles girlishly.
Well, more of a gurgle really.
The last Friday Fictioneers of October. Here in the south-east of England we’ve had a glorious October, sunny days with temperatures well above average. Hope my fellow writers have had a lovely summer, heads down for what promises to be a long and bitter winter, if you believe the Met Office.
castelsarrasin 
Dear Sandra,
Delightful. I love the playful dialogue in this. I could see these two gals and hear them. I went back and read it again just for fun.
We’re in the midst of a gorgeous autumn here as well. I only pray it’s the prelude to a monstrous winter.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I love the positive, up-beat side of your nature, Rochelle. I wish you well with your hoped-for monstrous winter, though I’m thinking that might be a mis-print. 😉
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Indeed. The monstrous winter is what I fear. I certainly don’t hope for it. 😉
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Sandra, Great dialogue. If I’m not mistaken there are three women at the table. One of them is suffering from dementia. The other women are discussing her and her husband’s reaction to the dementia of his wife. This is sad although they’re happy to be together as friends. Well written as always. You’ve cleverly shown the past occurances through their dialogue. — Susan
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I was about to pull this story Susan, as later I felt I’d clumsily expressed what I was aiming for, which was to say that there was still something recognisable remaining. Doug and Rochelle partially reassured me. So thank you for commenting.
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This makes more sense if there are indeed three. I couldn’t quite work out how they were talking about Fran when she was there. Subtle but nothing wrong with that 🙂
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Yes, three women, one pretty much in a world of her own. I just think I tried to convey too much with this.
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No harm in trying to push the envelope. Won’t always come off but doesn’t mean we don’t keep trying 🙂
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Dear Sandra,
I played disc golf this past Sunday and the second hole was called The Gurgler. I love it, and Fran and you.
Aloha,
Doug
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Hi Doug. We have a stage diva in the UK who gurgles when she laughs. It’s extremely irritating. On the other hand, I once worked with someone who gurgled like that when she was amused, and I remember that engaging aspect of her personality more than any other. Thank you for your comment. (and reassurance).
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Ouch!
Love how you lead innocently to the killer ending.
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You’ve quite a killer ending on yours this week Elephant. 🙂
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The flow of this, the reveal at the end ..each of them were perfect. I thoroughly enjoyed every line.
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Thanks Kir, glad you stopped by.
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Poor Fran. I read it too quickly to get it the first time, but it’s all there, in glorious writerly detail. Lovely.
Claire
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Thanks Claire. And I was going for ‘explicit’ this week. 🙂
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Sandra,
I did have to read twice to get what happened, but I enjoyed the tale. Nicely handled.
All my best,
Marie Gail
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Thank you Marie Gail.
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Great dialogue! Terrific story.
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Thanks Caerlynn.
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I enjoyed this one, some ‘gurgles’ do leave a lasting impression.
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Particularly if it’s the last vestige of someone you used to know. Thanks for reading.
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I love the feeling of friendship in this. Quite lovely and warm with a bit of sad sprinkled on top.
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Thank you!
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The picture tells me they are three, but the word “both” halfway through confuses me a little, because it seems as though they are talking in front of Fran but not really including her. I LIKE the twist, and the idea, but I wonder if there’s a way to make it clear earlier that there are three voices, without revealing until the end that one is indeed the wonderful and much-missed Fran. Just a suggestion; hopefully one that makes sense.
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I freely admit this one didn’t come off well, Jen. Instinctively I was trying to convey the impact of early-onset dementia on a group of acquaintances, with the ‘talking about her as if she weren’t there’, the attempts to give the primary carer some time off, the attempt at humour to divert the worry that you might be exhibiting early symptoms yourself, followed by embarrassed guilt, etc. And the ‘twist’ is ambiguous – could be wishful thinking on their part, or perhaps just a shock reminder for them that something of her still remains. I intended the latter. An over-ambitious project for 100 words, I think. 😦
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I didn’t get dementia at all. I thought Fran was a zombie! I know so little about zombie’s though, perhaps they don’t even gurgle?
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The day I do zombies, Dawn, is the day I give up writing. 🙂 Thanks for dropping by.
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Thank you for that bit of reassurance, Sandra. I find great comfort in knowing you won’t write Zombies. 😀
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Oh, Sandra! This is truly funny. And I’m on board with that thought.
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Sandra, I always enjoy your stories and this week is no exception. You’re such a great writer. I hope things are going well in your neck of the woods.
-David
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That’s a lovely thing to say David. Yes, we’re enjoying a lovely autumn at home in Cambridgeshire. Thank you.
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It took me quite a while to get it and I still wasn’t sure if Fran was a ghost they could somehow see! Excellent dialogue as usual and great subtle depth in just a few words.
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Thanks Perry, glad you got it in the end. I didn’t mean it to be ambiguous, but maybe it’s second nature to me now. 😉
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I thought that Fran had died, but the two friends were imagining her back with them and, as they had on previous occasions, were offering to take her home after she had had a little too much to drink.
Randy
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Funnily enough I felt I’d been too explicit this week Randy. Perhaps I wouldn’t know ‘explicit’ if I fell over it. 🙂 It’s interesting that there have been such different interpretations of the story.
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I read it as Fran having hitched up with widower Joe, with the blessing of her friends. Great dialogue. Made me gurgle.
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Maybe I just can’t do ‘explicit’. 😕
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Nice story, great dialogue. I did get a little lost… but nothing that a second read didn’t give me. ‘Missing Fran’, whilst she is still physically present was the key 🙂
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Thanks for persevering. 🙂
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Great! It was one of those I thought I knew what it was about but I’m glad I read all the comments to confirm. Because sometimes…..I read too much into them. Actually it took me three reads it was so good!
DJ
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Funny how some people ‘got’ it and others weren’t so sure. Thanks for reading.
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I read this as Fran suffering from dementia.
I can understand that they want to go quickly, and not just fade away like poor Fran. It’s good of them to take her out though, even if I guess she doesn’t really know what’s going on.
Nice twist at the end, I thought until then she had died.
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Thank you! 🙂
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You and I had similar thoughts this week – I like yours too!
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Thanks Liz.
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How we all hope that we go easily when the time comes and not suffer from illness or dementia. Great story, came out well in just 100 words though i had to read it twice.
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I think most people did Indira. 🙂 Thanks for reading.
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Wonderful dialogue. I enjoy their friendship.
Lily
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Thank you Lily.
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Love the dialogue here, Sandra; it’s witty, realistic and holds me. Admittedly, I was a bit lost and didn’t get that there were 3 (only through comments), but I am often “slow on the uptake.” I always enjoy your work, whether I get it all or not. That is a compliment… though I may be the one who is confusing now. 😉
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I’ll take it as you intended it Dawn. Or as I think you intended it… 😉
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Wonderful and natural flow to this dialogue. I liked the awkward moment turning point.
Ellespeth
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Thank you Ellespeth.
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Ouch .. poor Fran .. she’s there but she isn’t. Wonderful of her friends to stay by her though. Loved the dialogue, this is a great thought provoking write.
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Thank you, glad you liked it.
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It’s good when the old girls can still have a giggle, or rather gurgle. Great the way you’ve carried the story along with dialogue.
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Thank you Sarah.
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It was a bit confusing but thank goodness for comments 🙂 I totally get what you were going for now!
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Thanks Carrie.
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I hope I go fast, too, Sandra. But, it seems as though Fran is in loving company and that’s what counts. A delightful read.
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Thanks Amy. 🙂
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Oh, sad. I know the feeling of losing someone before they are really gone. Truly sad….beautifully told.
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Thanks for reading Erin. Good to see you in here this week.
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This is sad and lovely at the same time, Sandra. It does help to know there are three people, perhaps if a few extra words had been allowed – but it is so good! I love the part about “I can’t remember” becoming an unexpected joke, and their laugh, followed by embarrassment, because it’s so true to life, just the kind of thing that would happen.
Well done, and always a pleasure to read your words. I’ve missed that. Maybe I’ll stick around awhile this time. 😉
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It would be lovely if you would take part again Judee. I always enjoyed reading your stories. Part of the fun is fitting your story into 100 words but sometimes it can be really frustrating when you’ve got an idea you’d really like to do justice. Please do stick around.
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I’ve been feeling drawn to WP lately, so maybe I will. I guess perhaps I need to express myself, stop being so silent. No promises, but I hope to be at least a little more active. 🙂
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Good news!
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The “gurgle” said it all. Nicely written.
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Thanks Ruth. 🙂
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Well done Sandra! I began a new flash site where you get a photo prompt and the first sentence to the story. You get to finish the story! I hope that you can take a moment to check out Mondays Finish the Story! Be well! ^..^
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I’ll pop round to check it out – hope it goes well.
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Dear Sandra, Really good and sad story rolled into one. True-to-life situation and snappy dialogue. Well done! Nan 🙂
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Thanks Nan! 🙂
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You paint a heartwarming picture of friendship and loss. Beautiful little touches bring the people and their feelings to life.
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Thanks Margaret, I’ve told my friends I still expect to be taken out from time to time. 🙂
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always difficult to tell a story through dialogue, nice work
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Thank you!
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Great story, Sandra. It’s nice they took Fran out and gave Joe a break. The caregiver is the one who suffers most. I loved the dialogue and playful nature of the characters–and no one died–at least not yet.
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Thanks for reading Russell. Sorry to be so late acknowledging. 😉
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I’m so glad you didn’t pull this. It’s clear there are three women – the two taking Fran out to give Joe a break maybe. It could be considered insensitive to talk about Fran as if she isn’t there, but she isn’t any more, and there’s no telling what their conversation and laughter might prompt in her. Wonderful story telling as ever.
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Thank you Sarah Ann. Sorry to be so long in acknowledging – on the road again. Glad you liked it, and I think you hit the nail on the head with your comment about what other people’s activities might prompt in her.
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Perhaps ambitious, but you pulled it off.
With personal experience coloring my reading, I found it soberly moving and quite powerful.
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Thank you for reading. I’m pleased (I think) that it struck a chord with you.
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Nice to read your article! I am looking forward to sharing your adventures and experiences
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Welcome! 😊
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