Trying Not to be Found – Friday Fictioneers, February 2015

Copyright Melanie Greenwood

We played here as children.

Well, my sister played; I raced round corners frantically searching for her. She’d tell me she’d lost her way but I knew, even then, that the only thing she was trying to lose was me.

How things change…

A shadow falls across the path. It’s her. Again.

“Are you all right?”

I’m not, but I won’t be the one to say.

“I’ll always be here for you.”

Yeah, life’s a bitch like that.

“Did you take your meds this morning?”

“Yes.”

“You’re absolutely certain?”

I nod

Over and over again, sis.  Sorry…

Well, I tried for a funny one this week, but nothing would spring to mind – just not in the mood I guess.  Friday Fictioneers kicks off again with Rochelle in the driving seat.  Thanks for the ride, Rochelle.  🙂 

About Sandra

I cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and write fiction and poetry. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
This entry was posted in Friday Fictioneers, Just Sayin' and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

76 Responses to Trying Not to be Found – Friday Fictioneers, February 2015

  1. Dear Sandra,

    That last line took a second but it got there. I think I’ll go swallow a pill or two now. Seriously well done. A novel told in a hundred words.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

  2. Vinay Leo R. says:

    Hmm. Bittersweet, I guess. Not sure why, this felt like an Alzheimer’s story, with the sister jogging her memory about the maze, but other memories following with it.

    Like

  3. Once again, a good story, Sandra. Her sister came through when she was needed. A bit sad, but well done. — Suzanne

    Like

  4. It took me a couple of reads too but then I got it… how incredibly sad! Beautifully written. I love how your pieces challenge me Sandra (there’s still some of yours that will forever remain a mystery to me).

    Like

  5. A small tale of big human tragedy. So sad. Bring on the research and the cures.

    Like

  6. MrBinks says:

    Nice moody story!

    Like

  7. Well done. Having had some experience with a relationship like this (then again I guess who hasn’t) the piece makes me very sad. The anger on one side the guilt and worry on the other…

    Like

  8. I couldn’t help but think of “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane” with Bette Davis and Joan Crawford playing caretaker and invalid respectively while reading this. For a moment, I was afraid one sister might be bringing up the “rat under silver dome” to the other. But I see this version of a horror story might be even more scary.

    Like

  9. I might have misunderstood this a little.. but I recently read Amy Bloom’s “SIlver Water”, and this is where this story took me. The last line really took me there…

    Like

  10. Sad, but so well written!

    Like

  11. I felt darkness in this picture, too. So much emotion, give and take, resentment and love in this piece. Well done.

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      Yes it was a picture that seemed to beg for something darker. I tried to write something about an elderly relative wandering around the maze flashing at other visitors, but it just wouldn’t develop. Thankfully. 🙂

      Like

  12. Oh, so much tragedy packed in so few words. I think I heard my heart breaking over the line “I’m not, but I won’t be the one to say.”, you brought tears to my eyes and that is not easily done.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. This tells a much bigger story. Well done for pulling it off in the word count.

    Like

  14. Dee says:

    Great dialogue, both spoken and unspoken, really told their story. Sad that the sister didn’t do more instead of just making sure the tablets were being taken. Well done.

    Like

  15. Sandra says:

    Thanks Dee. Sibling relationships can be difficult in some cases.

    Like

  16. paulmclem says:

    Love the bit:

    ‘She’d tell me she’d lost her way but I knew, even then, that the only thing she was trying to lose was me.’

    Great line 🙂

    Like

  17. Nan Falkner says:

    Dear Sandra, Lovely story! I am so very close to my sister and not as much with my brother – which I find sad sometimes. Great perspective and entertaining! Nan 🙂

    Like

  18. storydivamg says:

    Dear Sandra,
    What a skillfully told story! I love the mix of happy and sad this prompt is inspiring. I’ve been in this particular maze before. You set the mood perfectly.

    All my best,
    Marie Gail

    Like

  19. Like you, I’ve had times when I really did want to write something different, but only one thing would come out. However, I have also had times when writing out the one thing that wouldn’t go away actually proved to be therapeutic for me in a personal way. It’s been amazing to see all the different takes on this one picture, and it’s been up for only one day.

    Like

  20. Beautiful how you got the point across with the older sister. The younger sister turned into the older sister and vice versa. Very thought provoking for me.

    Like

  21. helenmidgley says:

    It took me a couple of reads too, but I loved that I wanted to keep going back to it 🙂

    Like

  22. Siblings can be the most annoying person we know, or our greatest support. Something you’ve illustrated here perfectly.

    Like

  23. My heart hurts from this one. Beautiful.

    Like

  24. touching, fetching, sad story of sibling love at its best and worst, I guess.
    Randy

    Like

  25. plaridel says:

    nice story. i’m just a little confused that “Yes.” was not in italics. and should “I nod” be “She nod”? then again, perhaps i just missed something and need to reread it.

    Like

  26. Margaret says:

    You’ve really developed the contradictions in the sisters’ relationship. I think every big sister goes through a stage of not wanting the youngster around, but I can feel a closeness between them despite this – or maybe it’s just my rose-coloured glasses. A sad, but beautifully controlled story of the huge problem of depression.

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      Thank you Margaret. I think you’re right, relationships change and people within those relationships change. I was trying to show the change in both of the sisters.

      Like

  27. i b arora says:

    a bit sad and dark

    Like

  28. Michael B. Fishman says:

    A ghost story or a brother’s unresolved grief? Either way this was a beautiful story and a wonderful example of a 100-word piece of flash fiction.

    Like

  29. draliman says:

    Sad story. My first idea was to write a story about someone trapped in their own head (so to speak), so we started off on similar lines.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Sad and mysterious, this definitely has a dark feel to it. Great use of dialogue in a great story.

    Like

  31. Very sad story. Hope she gets well. Masterfully crafted as always.

    Like

  32. Arl's World says:

    I love this …well written. Thanks for sharing.

    Like

  33. Liz Young says:

    There is something unsettling about a mze, and also about this story. I’m not sure I understood it but it’s made me think.

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      Thanks for reading Liz. In a nutshell, relationships have changed, now the narrator isn’t chasing after her sister, she wants to be left alone with her depression, and may well have just taken her ‘meds’ over and over again in an attempt not to be bothered any more. By anyone. Depressing little tale, I know. 😦

      Like

  34. rgayer55 says:

    Sometimes there’s a strange love/hate relationship among siblings. I’m not sure I’d want one of mine for a caretaker. I loved the response, “Yeah, life’s a bitch like that”

    Like

  35. I too saw more darkness in the maze than light. Sisters … Such a special relationship but there’s always history.

    Like

  36. Amy Reese says:

    Pills and depression can be a tough road. It’s hard to be on them forever, but some have to be. A really haunting one, Sandra.

    Like

  37. Melanie says:

    Oh how sad, to always feel unwanted. Great story.

    Like

  38. Ellespeth says:

    Sounds too late to be found. I’m left with the image of all possible paths being closed and I feel sad for both sisters.
    Ellespeth

    Like

  39. rogershipp says:

    Well chosen idea… Well crafted story. So sad…

    Like

  40. The last line took me a moment, too–a sad story. It carries weight!

    Like

  41. AnnIsikArts says:

    You describe well the complex psychology of the sibling relationship, which, on the surface, appears love/hate, or even hate/hate, yet when ‘trouble’ comes, is revealed as love/love. In 100 words, impressive writing. 🙂

    Like

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