Copyright Santoshwriter
The peed-and-dried odour, mingled with distinctly earthy undertones, alerted Miss Clinton to Suzie Brown’s presence at her elbow.
“Yes, Suzie?”
“Tommy Jones put his hand up my skirt, Miss, and then he ran away.”
Suzie doesn’t look horrified; indeed, she appears pleased to have some information of note to impart.
“He’s a very naughty boy, Suzie. I’ll speak to him.”
The dewdrop on the end of Suzie’s nose wobbles righteously.
“And tell him I want it in pound coins, Miss.”
“Huh?”
“The change, Miss. He agreed he’d do it for three pounds and I gave him a fiver
Still on restricted internet, hence the no-show last week. I’ll do my best to get round more submissions this week. Thanks again to Rochelle for all the work she puts into Friday Fictioneers.
castelsarrasin 
Dear Sandra,
A girl has to look out for herself, doesn’t she? Susie sounds like a rather aromatic child. Your vivid description sends me to my scented candles. Well done as always and good to see you back. The list wasn’t complete without you.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks Rochelle! 🙂 Good to be back.
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‘Peed-and-dried’ is wonderful. I know exactly what you’re describing. And I love the whole story, including of course the brilliant surprise. (A minor comment – it felt historical – 1950s/’60s? – apart from the pound coins. If you’d thought of a date I wonder if pound notes would work better?)
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Interesting observation. Is it the language, do you think?
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I’ve just re-read it to try to work it out. I think it’s particularly the name, Tommy, but also ‘naughty boy’ and ‘dewdrop’ – somehow seem old-fashioned, in a great way. It’s interesting how hard it is to pin down the reason why.
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Amorous aromatic character indeed ! Shock for for Miss, and surprise for readers I guess.
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And apparently Suzie is a very naughty girl. Nice little twist at the end.
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Oooh, fantastic twist – even beats the ‘peed-and-dried’ beginning. Great stuff!
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A great story Sandra. Made me smile. Suzie is definitely an enterprising young lady!
Loved the “The peed-and-dried odour …” reminded me of my early days as a teacher.
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I can well imagine, Mike. 🙂
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The odour you describe sends me right back into first grade… Suzie is quite the character. Great story.
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I agree with Claire, while reading, I also thought it was set in the 1950s/ 1960s.
An entertaining story!
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I just asked Clare what it was that made you think it wasn’t set in present day. I’d be interested to know.
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A wonderful piece: funny and tragic in equal measure.
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I think Suzie’s a survivor. 🙂
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Great work, Sandra! It isn’t often that I smell a classroom while reading Friday Fictioneers stories, but today I most certainly did. Your story is so tremendously sad but delivered with an even hand and told so matter-of-fact-like that a reader might miss the punch until the end and then a second read reveals even more layers. Fabulous!
All my best,
MG
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I wonder if it’s as common today as it seemed to be when I was at school. Thanks for reading and commenting Marie-Gail.
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‘Peed and dried’ says it all… and what a piece of work little Suzie is
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Dear Sandra,
The change is important. Watching and reading silently.
Aloha,
Doug
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Lovely to know you’re out there Doug. Stay well. x
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Delightfully naughty.
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I struggled to get past “peed-and-dried”. That description will live with me for a few days. Lol.
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I would have loved to see the look on Miss Clinton’s face when Suzie reveals the surprise!
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Great photo. Thanks. 🙂
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Interesting little heroine! Hope she got her money’s worth 🙂
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That smell will linger with me. It remanded me more of a gentleman that used to sit next to me on my concert series,,, Somehow I feel sorry for Suzie…
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My nose is still twitching. Lord help that little girl.
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I think Suzie is resilient. And resourceful. 🙂
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Funny, I can see this happening! Very enterprising of her.
I liked the odour alerting the teacher to her presence.
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Too darn funny…and sad all at once.
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Great story, I wonder if that will be a life choice for that little girl, shame if it is.
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I’m going to tell myself that she’s well on her way to handling all of life’s ups and downs. 🙂
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I suppose the lesson here is beware of your friends! Times were always tough, weren’t they? Great story.
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Your phrase “peed and dried odour” was enough to conjure up a vivid image of Suzie. I wonder how she earned the fiver?
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Indeed! 🙂
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Fab, I loved that ending 😉
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Thanks Helen. 🙂
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A little shocking. A little disturbing. I think Miss Clinton may want to alert a guidance counselor, Suzie has some issues.
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I think she’s dealing with them the best way she can, though. Thanks for dropping by Dawn.
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suzie would definitely go places.
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I too thought it was set back in the 50’s 60s. Possibly because the name Tommy Jones seems old fashioned as is Suzie. Also because of the surprise – I don’t think teachers would be surprised by things like that these days. Which made me also think note would fit better. I didn’t know there was a pound coin. Made me smile though. Enterprising young lady but I’m surprised the little boy wanted to put his hand up there with that “peed and dried odour.”
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I think you’re right, Irene. I should have reflected upon the names. 🙂
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Brilliant turn of events. For a moment, before I read the last line, I too went.. Huhhhh!!!
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A very comical twist at the end, and seemed very likely to be said by a child. The things they come out with sometimes, you just can’t script it.
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Peed and dried, there’s no mistaking that foul smell. Little Suzie is a bit naughty too, but also a practical businesswoman looking out for herself. I think she’s going to go far in life. 🙂 Very entertaining, Sandra.
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I think she’s a winner too, Amy. 🙂
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Great ending. Made me smile. And the smells were all too common!
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Suzie looks like she is touch-hungry….
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I wanted to laugh at the old pee smell, but it was too close to some of the funks that I’ve been subjected to recently… Young kids are awesome but stinky.
I DID laugh at Suzie – that was a great ending 🙂
KT
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Such a surprise ending. But it introduces all sorts of other undertones (apart from the olfactory ones). I can’t help but wonder where Suzie’s values have come from. Am I being too heavy in my reading of this? It’s such an unexpected and intriguing take.
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Thank you Margaret. You have to wonder about Suzie’s home life, I agree.
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Something doesn’t smell right here. Sounds a bit like the delightful institution where someone I know teaches. Great story though.
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I love the way you evoked the sense of smell in painting this story. It is one of the strongest senses and so many writers fail to use it properly. Suzie is an enterprising young lady. I hope that she will use some of the profit from this transaction to clean herself up and enter politics.
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🙂 I’m sure she’s a great future in store Russell.
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I also wonder how much that little girl’s mother or any older woman, is around to guide her. She’s growing up with some risky behaviors. She needs counselling before she gets older.Her reputation is being formed. Fairly soon she won’t have to ask. Well written though. — Suzanne
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Fairly soon I think the transactions may be reversed, Suzanne. 😦 Thanks for reading.
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Everybody seems to have loved the “peed and dried’ phrase and I did too. But I also like the title – quite apropos to this story. Before reading one of your stories, i always examine the photograph carefully wondering just what you will come up with. I agree with your other reader – this story felt a bit vintage to me too.
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Hi Barbara, thanks for reading. yes I agree with what someone else said – it was probably the names I chose for the characters. 🙂
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