The Sins of the Father – Friday Fictioneers, January 2016

Copyright Melanie Greenwood

Copyright Melanie Greenwood

My mother’s mouth resembles a newly-stitched operation scar, her eyes steely.

David’s mother, Katje, is pale and quivering; the bolt of animosity that shot between the pair in the Arrivals Hall had been almost palpable.

“How’s Bill?” Katje whispers.

“He died.”

My mother spits the words with relish, and I turn, astonished to hear her speak of Dad this way.

Katje slumps.

David and I exchange worried glances.

“About our wedding arrangements…” I falter, gripping David’s hand.

But catching sight of our reflections in the mirrored corridor, our shared red hair, our green eyes, I see there can be no wedding.


 I hope all Friday Fictioneers enjoyed the festive season and that we’ve returned refreshed and revitalised, ready to punch some wonderful tales into our lap-tops in 2016.  Thanks to Rochelle, our able and multi-talented leader, for guiding our group through 2015; happy to see her at the helm again for 2016. 

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About Sandra

I cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and write fiction and poetry. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
This entry was posted in Friday Fictioneers, Just Sayin' and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

71 Responses to The Sins of the Father – Friday Fictioneers, January 2016

  1. Dear Sandra,

    Oh dear. As the song says, Papa was a rolling stone. I gasped at the end of this one. You’re at the top of your game on this one.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

  2. Jezz, judging by our stories we are one depresed bunch of peeps. I wonder how it even came to the matter of the wedding? Full of sucker punches, this story is.

    Like

  3. So good. I had to read it twice to figure out who was who but wham. Nicely done.

    Like

  4. Complicated relationships here! And a great story. I remember reading a while ago about a German couple who found out they were brother and sister, after they were married and had children.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Dale says:

    I got a shiver that went up and down my whole body!

    Like

  6. Nortina S. says:

    Your description of the mother is so haunting. And that last line was so heartbreaking. A tragic family story but so well written!

    Like

  7. Oh boy …. poor couple.

    Like

  8. Dee says:

    Complicated relationships… well written as always. 🙂

    Like

  9. Great idea for this prompt. Love it!

    Like

  10. Oh so very well done. Kudos, Sandra.

    Like

  11. ansumani says:

    I had to read this twice, not because I didn’t get the story. I think i got it the first time but that was so cruel to those young lovers that I thought if I re-read I can get a different meaning.

    Well crafted story and excellently written.

    Like

  12. Some secrets you just can’t hide.

    Like

  13. trentpmcd says:

    Ooops, poor kids! Oh well, it’s good they found out before the wedding!

    Like

  14. Graham Lawrence says:

    Oh la la! Great powerful story. Very enjoyable to read.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. storydivamg says:

    Wow! I didn’t see it coming, but it works. “Bill” must have “got around”, as they say. Nicely told.

    Like

  16. Superb story Sandra. Loved the twist at the end. I can just see it unfolding.

    Like

  17. Took me several readings to get it. Subtle, powerful, and unique as usual.

    Like

  18. d3athlily says:

    Wow. That was a bit of a sucker punch. Beautifully written.

    Like

  19. draliman says:

    Oh dear, no happy ending here I fear. What a terrible moment as they realise the truth.

    Like

  20. Rochelle nailed the comment here, Sandra. It’s a novel in 100 words, with a truly shocking ending! I love that your brain goes to these amazing places, and pulls us along!

    Like

  21. ceayr says:

    Magnificent.
    You packed 5 lives, 3 love affairs, a death and a couple of heart-breaks into 100 words.
    I am in awe, Sandra.

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      Thanks CE! 🙂 When the idea came to me, I didn’t think I could get anywhere near it in 100 words. I’m still not convinced it works all that well, but I might try again in 500.

      Like

  22. gahlearner says:

    Yes, what ceayr said. I didn’t see it coming, and it was a shock. Great writing (a always).

    Like

  23. Oh dear. What a way, what a place to find out. Brilliant.

    Visit Keith’s Ramblings!

    Like

  24. Amy Reese says:

    Oh, my! I didn’t see that ending coming. Scrumptious story, Sandra, and well written.

    Like

  25. Danny James says:

    Hits close to home. My wife and her brother were told they were siblings once they wanted to start dating. Both had been abandoned by their birth mother with neighbors.

    DJ

    Like

  26. rgayer55 says:

    I wonder how many other half-siblings they had scattered around the planet? Had Bill not died, one of those two women would be killing him now.

    Like

  27. jwdwrites says:

    Sandra I read this story then read it again out loud to my wife. I agree with Rochelle you are at the top of your game. I don’t read FF every week any more but if I do, I always read yours because you always seem to set the bar. Another beautifully crafted piece that makes wonderful use of what is not said to add substance to the tale. Superb. 🙂

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      I’m blushing like mad here! 🙂 Glad you liked it jwd, I love the challenge of trying to get a ‘situation’ into print, without having to explain it. Sometimes it works, others not, and I thought this might fall into the latter category. Thanks for your reassurance.

      Like

  28. plaridel says:

    not so fast. they need a dna test to be real sure. 🙂

    Like

  29. Good story, Sandra. I wouldn’t have had to read it twice if I’d have paid more attention to the title. What a tragedy. The only good thing was they found out before they married. Well written as always. — Suzanne

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      Thanks for reading Suzanne, glad you got it on the second read. I’m a big believer in choosing the right title for a 100 word story so that it fills in the gaps – but I’ve only recently realised that not everyone registers the title. Hope all is well.

      Like

  30. mjlstories says:

    Red hair AND green eyes…Whoops!

    Like

  31. MissTiffany says:

    Wow! This is really well put together – like Suzanne said, I would have had to read this twice to catch on if I hadn’t read the title! I read it twice anyway, because it was so good.

    Like

  32. Margaret says:

    What a shock! How awful for them that their relationship got so far before they realised – but who would? The mothers’ reactions to each other bring understanding to everyone. Great storytelling.

    Like

  33. Oh my what a terrible way to come to the truth. I think therapy is in order.

    Like

  34. Nicely built story Sandra, with a real punch at the end

    Like

  35. Oh, my! I read it once and thought…is that what I think she’s saying? Then I read it again…yup. Yikes. Bad boy, Bill. Good story, Sandra! 🙂

    Like

  36. Well done for spinning the story without mentioning the secret – letting it emerge so stealthily. Really worth a reread for the drama.

    Like

  37. Melanie says:

    Have you read “The Good Daughters” by Joyce Maynard? This reminded me of that novel. Excellent story, Sandra.

    Like

  38. Judee says:

    What a kicker! So much said, and yet so clear as to the meaning, a perfect example of “less is more”. 🙂

    Like

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