Copyright CE Ayr
“Emily!”
My father’s fist slams against the table and I avert my gaze from the crystal water-jug. The bubbles cease, though the handle has crazed.
I slump exhausted, anticipating further rebuke; there is none.
He retreats behind the gates of his despair, oblivious of my achievement, as he has been since the day Georgie was born.
I sigh.
My mother regards me strangely. Does she suspect, I wonder?
I willed little Georgie dead. And he died.
Would they love me if I willed him back again?
Their dilated nostrils, the napkins crushed against their mouths tell me this doesn’t work either.
OK – no apologies for this desperate piece of black comedy. It was either this or a no-show this week. I’ve struggled with this week’s Friday Fictioneers in a way that I haven’t for many, many months, totally bereft of creativity. Thanks to Rochelle for her leadership and to CE Ayr for a photo that deserved better from me.
castelsarrasin 
Sibling rivalry gone horribly astray!
LikeLike
Indeed 🙂
LikeLike
Your struggle with inspiration are not visible, this is yet another amazing story.
LikeLike
Aww thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think sometimes the more we struggle the better the story.. I think moving outside the obvious just makes the story better. To grow up in the shadow of a dead sibling is a curse… I have seen it happen, and that chasm will never close alas.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Bjorn, and you’re so right about the pressures of sibling rivalry.
LikeLike
Dear Sandra,
Retreats behind the gates of his despair…great line. If Carrie had had a little brother…It’s a good thing my big brother didn’t have that power. After all these years, he’s finally forgiven me for unseating him from his throne. 😉 Glad you wrote. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂 Thank you Rochelle. Glad I could be here, in some form or another.
LikeLike
Deserved better?
This is a heart-rendingly powerful piece, describing love and loss, jealousy and guilt.
Although I confess that I missed the comedic element!
LikeLike
Aaagh! failed even on that score. It was the last line, which represented a kind of giving up on my part with a story that was proving to be a nightmare.
LikeLike
The last line lost me a bit. Up until then I was on board 🙂
LikeLike
I confess I, too, am searching for the comedic element!
LikeLike
I cackled at the final line – you say you struggled, but it worked for me.
LikeLike
Thank you! That makes me feel better. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree, Sandra, this was a lovely, though heartbreaking story. Poor child. I hope when she grows up she’ll realize she had nothing to do with her little brother’s death. Well written like your other stories. Sibling rivalry can hurt. — Suzanne
LikeLike
This story fails on so many levels! 🙂 Emily is a telekinetic who can will things to happen, ie the water boiling in the water-jug until it cracks, willing her brother to die, and finally willing her brother back to life, a rather malodorous zombie. That, in essence, is the story behind the words. It’s no wonder I struggled with it, since a lot of the posters who read it after you didn’t get it either, Suzanne. I promise to try harder next week. 🙂 Thanks for reading.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Ah – I enjoyed it but I didn’t catch on to the jug, or the zombie. I thought it was quite sad. But then if I enjoy the tone I don’t analyse it too much.
LikeLike
Well… now that you have explained this here… I have to reread the story with different eyes! Not at all what I saw…
LikeLike
I thought that she did bring her brother back, but I wasn’t clear on it. I chalk it up to my limited brain.
LikeLike
Very nice. I like the tension.
LikeLike
Thank you!
LikeLike
It worked for me, too. Only you can make me open my eyes wide like saucers in horror and laugh about it at the same time. Your stories always are like scalpels, cutting to the roots of the problem.
LikeLike
Thank you for getting it gah – and for a comment I’ll treasure.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The last line made me feel as if the dead sibling was still in the house. Probably not.
LikeLike
Well he was brought back, I guess, Alicia. Full explanation follows Suzanne’s comment.
LikeLike
hopefully, when she grows up, things will change for the better. if not, it’s not the end of the world. she can move on with her life without them.
LikeLike
Hopefully!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Don’t you ever skip a week! Even when you are bad you are good. I was touched by your story but I too must admit I saw no humor.
LikeLike
I suppose it depends whether you find zombie’s funny. This is the closest I’ve ever got to a zombie story but I’m not sure too many people saw that. Thanks for reading, and for such a lovely comment.
LikeLiked by 1 person
No, I didn’t get Zombies. I’m going to have to re-read it.
LikeLike
Uplifting little piece of fiction. Not!
DJ
LikeLike
Well someone or something certainly got raised, Danny. 🙂
LikeLike
Wow, that’s a black one. I think Emily’s going to be a bit lonely from now on. Could you do a musical next?
LikeLike
Not a musical bone in my body Perry, but I won’t let that stop me. You may regret that.
LikeLike
This is a very poignant rendition of sibling rivalry. I also thought the dead sibling is still right there, the whole scene happening only minutes after his/her death.
LikeLike
Thanks for commenting Martin. I gave a full explanation in Suzanne’s comment above.
LikeLike
Aha! Upon reading the explanation and rereading the story some things clicked together in a different way. I think it’s your last line that’s letting you down a bit – if that line stated more clearly what happened, I would go back and look for clues of supernatural. This way I just didn’t anticipate the supernatural and my brain saw what it expected to see: a realistic sorrowful scene.
My critique partner would have told you that you fell into the ‘show, don’t tell’ trap (trying to ‘show’ everything, which easily leads to multitudes of interpretations – and with these micro stories there’s hardly any time to ‘prepare’ readers to make them see what you want them to see). That’s my two cents’ worth, anyway.
LikeLike
I think I was just so utterly fed up of wrestling with the story that I whittled off a last line as quickly as I could. You’re probably right – too subtle.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Once again, I’m posting comments that don’t show up on my end, so I’ll try it one more time but only one more time. Poor Emily, she’s running out of family members! I agree I don’t see the comedy here, but the story’s as good as ever as is the “twist.”
LikeLike
Maybe they don’t show up because they’re still in moderation, Perry. We’re a good way ahead of you time-wise, so when you comment I’m not there to approve them, I’m in the land of Nod. But it’s nice to meet you so many times each week. 🙂
LikeLike
Oh my! I read your explanation to a reply above … telekinetic…..and reread the story. Wow! Either way, it is a very good tale. Ah….if only we had more than 100 words….then the telekinetic aspect would be there loud and strong for all to see the first time. But — again, either way, it’s a very good story.
And I do think, small children “wish” for things and don’t understand why they do or don’t come true. And when they do come true, if it’s a terrible wish, they probably do take it upon themselves and feel the guilt. A heavy burden to bear.
LikeLike
Sometimes the idea just won’t fit into 100 words. Usually I’m quick to see that, but I wasn’t on my mark this week. Thanks for reading.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I struggled this week too. I wrote something happy, which I never do. I want to write more happy things, but it is hard sometimes. The picture was beautiful.
LikeLike
Thanks for visiting.
LikeLike
I ended up getting two stories out of this – brilliant! I first read it the “wrong” way and found it terribly sad that the child thought they had caused the brother’s death.
Then after reading the other comments, I read it as telekinetic/zombie and found it hilarious, especially the last line 🙂
So I’d chalk this up as a success.
LikeLike
You’ve made me feel better! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh my! Another shocker well done!
LikeLike
Thank you Joseph 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Struggle or not, you were still on the first line of entries again! And it was well done, again.
LikeLike
Thanks Liz. 🙂
LikeLike
I can’t believe you are apologising for this!. A great little tale that takes the reader first one way then another. I hope you find next week’s equally challenging – it clearly suits you!
Visit Keith’s Ramblings!
LikeLike
Thank you Keith! 🙂
LikeLike
I did not see this as the little girl having special powers but I still thought it was a nice depiction of the guilt that kids feel sometimes. I could see how she might think that because she wished her brother dead somehow she was responsible for it. It is a different story if she really has the power, of course. I think it is very hard to develop our concepts sometimes in such a small amount of words. I have been struggling lately myself but I think I just needed some space from writing. Sometimes we need a break. I don’t know if you feel the same.
LikeLike
To be honest, I’ve given myself a break since we came to Spain before Christmas. I’ve only really done FriFic and a few bits and pieces for my writing crit group. I keep waiting for the inspiration but it’s hiding somewhere. Hope you get your mojo back soon.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Sandra. I am a bit off the writing myself because the prompts do not always inspire my thinking. It helps if there is something in them that I can relate to. The family scene you described with the little girl was very good. I was thinking you could have just written it straight without the big twist and it would be very good.
LikeLike
I see no sign of despair here. I found it riveting, Sandra. I felt the tension and the slam of the fist.
LikeLike
Thank you Amy 🙂
LikeLike
With a person like that in the house you wish they’d stop bending the spoons. I could be wrong but it seems like that the parents have been given the same treatment as Georgie.
LikeLike
I think there’s a good chance that might happen. 🙂
LikeLike
Poor kid to believe she had killed her brother. And her parents don’t seem to have got over their loss.
LikeLike
Thanks for reading Patrick 🙂
LikeLike
All I can say is that even when you struggle, your still pack a punch. Dark, yes, but effective. I admit, though, that the telekenetic part wasn’t obvious to me – though I had an inkling from the bubbles, but feel that may have been too subtle? Maybe if you had said the handle was melted or deformed instead of crazed.This is a case where just a few more words might have been needed. 🙂 But as others have said, even removing the telekinetic element, it still has power.
LikeLike
Thanks Judee, lovely to see you here. Hope all is well with you, and thanks for the ideas, I’ll give it another coat of looking at. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sandra, I’m not sure you can write a bad story… or, I haven’t seen one yet! Given that yours is #6, you can’t have agonized that long, and this is far from weak! “He retreats behind the gates of his despair” is a beautiful use of the prompt. I too missed the humor, as the ironic pain of this was so poignant.
LikeLike
I suppose I’m used to my inspiration springing into life the minute I see the photo. But thanks for your reassurance, Dawn.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I tend to get a story very quickly too… so I get that part, Sandra. But you pull of gems, even when you apparently were stuck. 😉
LikeLike
What a story! sibling rivalry, so natural and yet the guilt and isolation when a sibling dies. They have lost not only a sibling but their parents are absent in so many ways for long periods of time. Very sad.
LikeLike
I enjoyed reading your stories – because to my mind, there are two, which I only know because of the fascinating conversations in the comments. So – twice the punch! Of course, once I realised the telekinetic power aspect, some of your phrases had much more meaning. (By the way, I’d feel like a genius if I ever got my story together in time to make it into the first ten posted.)
LikeLike
Kids deal with grief in a different way than adults – and unfortunately they often blame themselves for the wrongdoing (in divorce, in death…) hopefully this broken little family can mend itself.
LikeLike