Reaching a Conclusion – Friday Fictioneers, March 2016

Copyright Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

Copyright Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

I like to walk by the river at dawn – it helps me reflect, to see things more clearly.

“We were only drifting along, you and I,” he’d said, “not really going anywhere.”

That wasn’t the way I’d seen it; I thought we had a future together.  He was everything to me.

I didn’t watch him go, just let him drift away.

Besides, I had to bury the knife and freshen up a tad; I hate messy endings.

I like to walk by the river.  I see things more clearly.

To be honest, now I’m wondering whether he really was my type.

I’m posting a re-tread today, from four years ago, so it will probably be new to most of you.  This is one of my favourites – it’s a ‘voice’ I find so easy to drop into.  And one which makes my husband nervous.  🙂  We’re in beautiful Dorset and off out early, so apologies for not having the time to create something new.  Thanks once again to Rochelle, who still finds time to orchestrate the Friday Fictioneers, despite a very busy schedule.

About Sandra

I cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and write fiction and poetry. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
This entry was posted in Friday Fictioneers, Just Sayin' and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

85 Responses to Reaching a Conclusion – Friday Fictioneers, March 2016

  1. Dear Sandra,

    I can see why this voice would make your husband a bit edgy. The repetition of the first line gives the piece an eerie calm. I don’t remember if I’ve read this one. It goes with the prompt. If you hadn’t ‘fessed up no one would’ve known. 😉 A timeless retread in any case. Well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sandra says:

      🙂 I feel very strongly about what I call “spent” stories, ones that can’t be submitted anywhere because they’ve been on the writer’s website. It seems such a dreadful waste. I’ll try not to do this too often, but I must confess I like to give some of my work the opportunity of a second reading. 🙂 Thank you for commenting, Rochelle.

      Like

  2. This is great! I love the way you seem to be speaking metaphorically at first and then change it up to be more literal.

    Like

  3. Love this voice… “freshen up a tad”… and “he wasn’t my type” leave me scared… A tread I think I might have been inspired by a few times… hmm might go back to that at some point… and yes the first person’s perspective makes it grimmer.

    Like

  4. mickwynn2013 says:

    I haven’t read this before and so am grateful for the chance this time round. Great tale told with a great voice and style.

    Like

  5. d3athlily says:

    I’m glad you reposted this since I didn’t get to the first time. You definitely have a strong and powerful voice, and I loved the first person view as it really drove that home. Great story! ☺

    Like

  6. emmylgant says:

    Your story is new to me and deliciously unsettling. Yup. Love the voice and the repetition. Great read.

    Like

  7. I like that voice, too. Glad you re-posted this great story.

    Like

  8. ceayr says:

    Superb.
    Beautifully constructed, seems to be just ‘drifting’, then ouch.
    Left me smiling, albeit nervously!

    Like

  9. Brilliantly written.
    That calmness is very disturbing.

    Like

  10. Good story, Sandra. It’s new to me. I also understand why that voice bothers your husband a bit. Well written as always. 🙂 — Suzanne

    Like

  11. This has an eerie calmness that makes my skin crawl. Very well done.

    Like

  12. I’m guessing she wasn’t his type either! Have a great time in Dorset – I love it there.

    Like

  13. Beautiful. I was looking for inspiration. My first thought was also the river and a murder but you did it so well I can’t compete. Maybe I’ll think about the clock….

    Like

  14. I agree with you about spent stories, Regarding the character, she seems so cold, almost psychotic?

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      The word that always springs to mind when I use this type of character (and I use it a lot 🙂 ) is sociopathic. I’ve no idea whether that’s right or not, but I see her as someone who doesn’t seem to be able to distinguish between right and wrong.

      Like

  15. Sounds like if she can’t have him, then no one else will. Nice story!

    Like

  16. Nortina S. says:

    Sounds like she’s done this before! How many bodies will we find drifting down the river? I love the different ways you use the word “drift.” What a great, frightening tale! 🙂

    Like

  17. liz young says:

    Oh yes! Love it! There have been times when I’ve wished for such resolve 🙂

    Like

  18. Dale says:

    Yes, what everyone said! The voice is brilliant and I, too, love the feeling it is metaphorical to turn into reality… Just remind your husband when he steps out of line… 😉

    Like

  19. You just let him drift away. A bit more grisly than usual from you. No wonder I was never good at breaking up with people!

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      Thanks for reading Perry. I’ve been to your site and tried to comment, but this week I’ve had to clear the cache on my computer and Blogspot isn’t recognising me. In the end I lost the will to live trying to jump through the hoops I must have jumped through once before, so here I am just saying your story made me laugh. When I’ve got more time I’ll try to remember how to negotiate the impossible verification procedures.

      Like

  20. storydivamg says:

    New to me and good. I personally would end it at the repeated line for a full bookend effect. But great stuff none the less.

    All my best,
    MG

    Like

  21. athling2001 says:

    Great pace and character.

    Like

  22. gahlearner says:

    That is scary and darkly humorous. I love the letting him drift away because the knife needs to be buried. Everyone would be a bit nervous around tat person.

    Like

  23. draliman says:

    Whoa, you lulled me into a false sense of security with all the calm! From the way she’s acting she sounds like the very definition of “sociopath” 🙂

    Like

  24. writelindy says:

    Great stuff. And you always look like such a nice person on your photo.

    Like

  25. Again, another author writing my kind of stories – loved it. @sheilagood at Cow Pasture Chronicles

    Like

  26. plaridel says:

    i guess this is what you call making a clean cut. 🙂

    Like

  27. ansumani says:

    I love how the narrator lets him “drift off”. Well crafted story. I haven’t read it before and the theme is timeless.

    Like

  28. Amy Reese says:

    I like the way you put this together, Sandra. I can see why your husband is nervous. Ha! Nicely done.

    Like

  29. Fantastic Sandra! Well written and love the flow. 🙂

    Like

  30. rgayer55 says:

    I’ve heard of couples drifting apart, but always thought it was metaphorical (except in the case of the Titanic). Murder is such messy business. There’s all that cleaning up to do, and disposing of evidence.

    Note to self; Do NOT go on a float trip with Sandra.

    Like

  31. Very effective tone and style. I felt upset for her as she seemed so detached!

    Like

  32. elmowrites says:

    Sandra, I don’t remember reading this before but I do recognise the voice as one of yours. And you do it so well. Honestly, this is probably my favourite of your stories ever and definitely worth re-airing. Can’t praise it highly enough; enjoy Dorset!

    Jen

    Like

  33. subroto says:

    Oh so wicked and yet such deliciously dark humour. I am glad I had not read this one before. Your husband must be a light sleeper 😉

    Like

  34. That line, “I didn’t watch him go, just let him drift away.” has a whole new meaning when I read it the second time. 🙂 Nice story. Apparently he wasn’t her type, although I wonder what that is. I guess the not-leaving type.
    -David

    Like

  35. This was great fun! The twist was perfectly executed in such a short piece of writing. The first half had me completely fooled. It could easily be the opening to a novel – your lead character deserves a longer story. I’m already rooting for her!

    Like

  36. wmqcolby says:

    Sandra, you really should have written for Alfred Hitchcock Presents. That nicely understated and shocking conclusion reminds me SO much of it … and how many dates I never went out on again! Good work!

    Like

  37. That was deliciously brutal! You are such a talented and tersely expressive writer! I love the misleading tone of this, and then that letting out of air at the end, so to speak. Well-done!

    Like

  38. erinleary says:

    Retread or not, I always love it when you off someone in 100 words. I’m sure it was justified. 😀

    Like

  39. madamewriter says:

    Excellent story! I love the ending; she realizes she wasn’t that into him to begin with.

    Like

  40. i b arora says:

    a bit horrifying, no?

    Like

  41. Margaret says:

    That’ll teach him – drifting indeed. Fantastic twist to a great story. I’m not surprised it’s one of your favourites. I love the voice and tone.

    Like

  42. jellico84 says:

    Oh, that one is cruel with a capital ‘C’! Great write this week!

    Like

  43. rogershipp says:

    “Besides, I had to bury the knife and freshen up a tad; I hate messy endings.” What a great line! Enjoyed!!

    Like

  44. Cecilia says:

    Drift away – what truth in it, I feel it.

    Like

I'd love to hear your views; it reassures me I'm not talking to myself.

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