Trespass – Friday Fictioneers, April 2016

Copyright Madison Woods

Copyright Madison Woods

Louella’s family fenced their land with barbed wire – presumably to keep out riff-raff like us.

But we kids were wild; we went anywhere we pleased, and we scrambled under the wire.  When Louella found us we thought she’d be mad, but she seemed pleased and was real friendly, especially towards my brother.

Robbie met her often after that, sneaking out at night, doing God knows what in the bushes down by the stream.

When his body was found, flesh hanging in strips, blood flushing the stream pink, we realised we’d misread the situation.

The fence was to keep Louella in.

This is a slightly edited re-run of my last story for this prompt, which marks four years since Rochelle first posted for Friday Fictioneers.  How time flies!  Time is dragging here in France, however, as we linger in the port whilst the river continues to rise, even though it stopped raining two days ago.  Neville started his day by wading through floodwater which has spilled over the banks of the port, in order to move our car to higher ground.  He liked that… not a lot.

DSCF6011

 

 

Advertisements

About Sandra

I cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and write fiction and poetry. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
This entry was posted in Friday Fictioneers, Just Sayin' and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

98 Responses to Trespass – Friday Fictioneers, April 2016

  1. What a killer last line (in more ways than one)… the concept of killing in the name of honor is not something new…

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      That’s an interesting take on the prompt, Bjorn. No-one came up with that last time, or at least they didn’t say if they took it that way. I love a spot of lateral thinking. 🙂

      Like

  2. neilmacdon says:

    Ambiguity is the greatest gift in a story. Did Louella kill him or did her family? Either way, it’s a great story

    Like

  3. A great story! I love the ending. 🙂

    Like

  4. Dear Sandra,

    I’m pleased to read your own take on your story. I pretty much read it that way, ie the family fencing their daughter in. It was a great story then, it’s a great story now. Thank you for hanging in with me.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

  5. k rawson says:

    Nicely done. Beware Louella.

    Like

  6. Chilling and beautifully paced. Bravo.

    Like

  7. Children don’t understand limits and fences. Sometimes it brings good when they break boundaries to venture out where adults don’t. Other times, such as this one, they learn the hard way, why it is there!

    Like

  8. Mike says:

    Maybe his death was due to something else, from under the soil. I like to think Lovella and family had nothing to do with it.

    Like

  9. gahlearner says:

    The killers who show you a friendly face first are the worst. Wonderfully scary story with a great punchline.

    Like

  10. IfeomaO says:

    I saw it as Louella, but I love that it could be open up to interpretation. So many issues in this piece..it could be expanded into a longer story. Well done as usual!

    Like

  11. Lynda says:

    Very creepy, Sandra. Well done!

    Like

  12. Mama Zen says:

    Oh, wow! Creepy!

    Like

  13. mickwynn2013 says:

    That was creepy and makes you wonder what the monster Louella would look like. I mean surely not just a young girl? Innocent looking but underneath capable of such horror?

    Like

  14. paulmclem says:

    Lol….cheeky little ending there, Sandra. Gave me chuckle on my return to FF 🙂

    Like

  15. jellico84 says:

    Ironic what a fence can do… love it!

    Like

  16. ceayr says:

    No one does it like you,Sandra.
    Impeccably written story that grabs the interest from the start, great twist, superb punchline.
    Louella naughty.

    Like

  17. Yikes, a dark and truly disturbing tale well written.

    Like

  18. Laurie Bell says:

    Ahhhhhhh that went in a diferent direction than i thought. Great piece. Glad the fence is there methinks.

    Like

  19. plaridel says:

    what a killer twist in the end. very nice.

    Like

  20. Wow Sandra! Fantastic twist at the end, I loved it!

    Like

  21. draliman says:

    Ooh, creepy. The ending made me smile!

    Like

  22. d3athlily says:

    Oh my, what a dark tale you wove! I love that twist at the end!

    Like

  23. Great build-up to the creepy end – not what I was expecting! Very well crafted

    Like

  24. trentpmcd says:

    So, I guess they will need an even bigger fence after this… Was it, by chance, a full moon that night?

    Like

  25. Ooh, that last line sent a shiver down my spine. Wonderful writing.

    Like

  26. wmqcolby says:

    WHOA!!!! The warm, fuzzy feeling, the kind of nice potential yo the story and it ends like this.

    Loved it, Sandra! Five out of five wire cutters.

    Like

  27. Tamal says:

    This is great. 🙂

    Like

  28. Ashley Danielle says:

    Love the last line! Wow!

    Like

  29. storydivamg says:

    Disturbing indeed! Good work.

    MG

    Like

  30. hafong says:

    Reminds me of the saying, If it’s too good to be true, believe it. Life’s hard lesson – we always want to believe…Very vivid description of Robbie’s end.

    Lily

    Like

  31. Dale says:

    Brilliant! Children are fearless… sometimes to their detriment…

    Like

  32. Good fences make good neighbors at least in this case. There’s been much Trumpeting about fences in the US lately, not in a good way either. I hope you get on your way soon.
    Tracey

    Like

  33. Oh now that is so frightening. She wooed him and then slew him.

    Like

  34. liz young says:

    Da excellently written – you never fail to surprise me.dful talere

    Like

  35. helenmidgley says:

    Such a great twist 🙂

    Like

  36. oh my, Louella is not nice at all!! Excellent story 🙂

    Like

  37. wildchild47 says:

    Taut! This story is really well crafted and finely honed. It ends with the shock – initially, except honestly, I was already thinking, this isn’t going to end well. Not that there is anything that detracts from it at all. And the interesting possibilities? I initially thought, it’s the family who is responsible – the authority figures, who have committed the crime, but clearly, it’s not necessarily the case, according to your responses through out the comments section. Either way, it’s so well written, that it is essentially very chilling.

    Like

  38. lillian says:

    OMG what a twist!!!! Did not see it coming at all and it evoked an out loud GASP! Now that, my friend, is good writing! Wow!!!

    Like

  39. Sandra, you are truly the master of chilling tales. The descriptive edge to this story is so dark, and the story held me to the last dark line. SO good!

    Like

  40. The darkness creeps up on you in this story. The wild children, Robbie running free—the story has this life, this bright buzz to it. But then, of course, everything changes.

    The flesh in strips and the stream turning pink—Robbie reduced—is the saddest image. And then you do another powerful thing by ending the sentence with “we realised we’d misread the situation.” Those words feel so detached and clinical, which is perfect, because that is exactly what shock can do.

    How stunning that you’ve taken me through this landscape of emotions all in 100 words! Very powerful, Sandra.

    Like

  41. Great twist. Easy for the kids to get it wrong.

    Like

  42. madamewriter says:

    Scary reversal…I didn’t see it coming. Well done!

    Like

  43. Amy Reese says:

    I didn’t see that coming. An amazing twist and done so well, Sandra. Stating it at the end is an extra punch. So horrific, too. I wish I could have wrote this. 🙂

    Like

  44. rgayer55 says:

    Louella must have been a real cow, and had that mad cow disease that’s often in the news.

    Like

  45. What a gruesome twist! Good story as always Sandra

    Like

  46. Great twist at the end, Sandra. Louella’s family should have done more than fenced her in. They should have made sure she had no weapons. She needs more than a fence. She needs a padded cell and “lots” of medication. Well written as always. I’m glad your husband was there to move the car and not downriver somewhere. I hope the rains stop there. Send some of that rain our way. —- Suzanne

    Like

  47. subroto says:

    A killer ending as always.

    Liked by 1 person

  48. I just LOVED this. Great writing.

    Like

  49. mitraarchita says:

    This story will give me goosebumps tonight!

    Like

  50. So much impact.
    So few words.
    I hope to get where you are someday.

    Like

I'd love to hear your views; it reassures me I'm not talking to myself.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s