Louella’s family fenced their land with barbed wire – presumably to keep out riff-raff like us.
But we kids were wild; we went anywhere we pleased, and we scrambled under the wire. When Louella found us we thought she’d be mad, but she seemed pleased and was real friendly, especially towards my brother.
Robbie met her often after that, sneaking out at night, doing God knows what in the bushes down by the stream.
When his body was found, flesh hanging in strips, blood flushing the stream pink, we realised we’d misread the situation.
The fence was to keep Louella in.
This is a slightly edited re-run of my last story for this prompt, which marks four years since Rochelle first posted for Friday Fictioneers. How time flies! Time is dragging here in France, however, as we linger in the port whilst the river continues to rise, even though it stopped raining two days ago. Neville started his day by wading through floodwater which has spilled over the banks of the port, in order to move our car to higher ground. He liked that… not a lot.
What a killer last line (in more ways than one)… the concept of killing in the name of honor is not something new…
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That’s an interesting take on the prompt, Bjorn. No-one came up with that last time, or at least they didn’t say if they took it that way. I love a spot of lateral thinking. 🙂
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Ambiguity is the greatest gift in a story. Did Louella kill him or did her family? Either way, it’s a great story
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I love it when people see more than one possibility. 🙂 For me, it’s Louella. I like the thought of a family trying hard to shield the world from their daughter’s murderous impulses, but then that’s me I guess.
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And thank you.
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A great story! I love the ending. 🙂
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Thak you Josslyn. 🙂
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You’re welcome! 🙂
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Dear Sandra,
I’m pleased to read your own take on your story. I pretty much read it that way, ie the family fencing their daughter in. It was a great story then, it’s a great story now. Thank you for hanging in with me.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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PS Hope you’re out of the flood waters soon.
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It’s been my pleasure Rochelle. And now we’re stranded on the boat… 😦
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Nicely done. Beware Louella.
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Indeed! 🙂 Thank you!
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Chilling and beautifully paced. Bravo.
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Thank you!
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Children don’t understand limits and fences. Sometimes it brings good when they break boundaries to venture out where adults don’t. Other times, such as this one, they learn the hard way, why it is there!
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And sometimes too late. Thanks for reading.
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Maybe his death was due to something else, from under the soil. I like to think Lovella and family had nothing to do with it.
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I like your outlook. 😉 But she had everything to do with it.
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The killers who show you a friendly face first are the worst. Wonderfully scary story with a great punchline.
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Thank you!
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I saw it as Louella, but I love that it could be open up to interpretation. So many issues in this piece..it could be expanded into a longer story. Well done as usual!
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Thank you for reading. 🙂
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Very creepy, Sandra. Well done!
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Thanks Lynda 🙂
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Oh, wow! Creepy!
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Thanks for reading. 🙂
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That was creepy and makes you wonder what the monster Louella would look like. I mean surely not just a young girl? Innocent looking but underneath capable of such horror?
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My heroines always look innocent. 🙂 Thanks for reading Mick.
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Lol….cheeky little ending there, Sandra. Gave me chuckle on my return to FF 🙂
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Good to see you back Paul. Wondered where you’d disappeared to.
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Ironic what a fence can do… love it!
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Indeed. 🙂 Thank you.
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No one does it like you,Sandra.
Impeccably written story that grabs the interest from the start, great twist, superb punchline.
Louella naughty.
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Louella a tad more than naughty. But I’m sure she just started off naughty… and graduated. All good wishes.
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Yikes, a dark and truly disturbing tale well written.
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Thank you. 🙂
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Ahhhhhhh that went in a diferent direction than i thought. Great piece. Glad the fence is there methinks.
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I think so too. 🙂 Thanks for reading.
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what a killer twist in the end. very nice.
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Thank you!
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Wow Sandra! Fantastic twist at the end, I loved it!
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Thanks Heidi, glad you liked it.
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Ooh, creepy. The ending made me smile!
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Thank you!
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Oh my, what a dark tale you wove! I love that twist at the end!
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Thank you! 🙂
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Great build-up to the creepy end – not what I was expecting! Very well crafted
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Thank you Siobhan. Hope all is well with you.
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So, I guess they will need an even bigger fence after this… Was it, by chance, a full moon that night?
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Possibly. 🙂
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Ooh, that last line sent a shiver down my spine. Wonderful writing.
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Thanks Claire 🙂
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WHOA!!!! The warm, fuzzy feeling, the kind of nice potential yo the story and it ends like this.
Loved it, Sandra! Five out of five wire cutters.
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I’ll see your wire-cutters and raise you a bulldozer. 🙂 Thanks for reading Kent.
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😀
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This is great. 🙂
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Thank you!
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Love the last line! Wow!
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Thank you!
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Disturbing indeed! Good work.
MG
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Thanks Marie-Gail.
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Reminds me of the saying, If it’s too good to be true, believe it. Life’s hard lesson – we always want to believe…Very vivid description of Robbie’s end.
Lily
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Thank you Lily. 🙂
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Brilliant! Children are fearless… sometimes to their detriment…
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Curiosity killed the cat… I guess.
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Good fences make good neighbors at least in this case. There’s been much Trumpeting about fences in the US lately, not in a good way either. I hope you get on your way soon.
Tracey
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Thanks Tracey. Hope you enjoy Spain.
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Oh now that is so frightening. She wooed him and then slew him.
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Taken lessons from the Praying Mantris perhaps.
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Da excellently written – you never fail to surprise me.dful talere
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I’m trying to decipher that, but I’ll take it as a compliment. 😉
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Such a great twist 🙂
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Thanks Helen. 🙂
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oh my, Louella is not nice at all!! Excellent story 🙂
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She should get out more… or perhaps not. Thank you Samantha.
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um, perhaps not?!
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Taut! This story is really well crafted and finely honed. It ends with the shock – initially, except honestly, I was already thinking, this isn’t going to end well. Not that there is anything that detracts from it at all. And the interesting possibilities? I initially thought, it’s the family who is responsible – the authority figures, who have committed the crime, but clearly, it’s not necessarily the case, according to your responses through out the comments section. Either way, it’s so well written, that it is essentially very chilling.
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Thank you for reading and commenting. Glad you liked it. 🙂
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OMG what a twist!!!! Did not see it coming at all and it evoked an out loud GASP! Now that, my friend, is good writing! Wow!!!
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Thank you Lillian! 🙂
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Sandra, you are truly the master of chilling tales. The descriptive edge to this story is so dark, and the story held me to the last dark line. SO good!
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Thanks Dawn. 🙂 Glad you enjoyed it.
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The darkness creeps up on you in this story. The wild children, Robbie running free—the story has this life, this bright buzz to it. But then, of course, everything changes.
The flesh in strips and the stream turning pink—Robbie reduced—is the saddest image. And then you do another powerful thing by ending the sentence with “we realised we’d misread the situation.” Those words feel so detached and clinical, which is perfect, because that is exactly what shock can do.
How stunning that you’ve taken me through this landscape of emotions all in 100 words! Very powerful, Sandra.
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Thank you Helena. It’s always gratifying when a reader gets everything out of a story that you endeavoured to put into it. 🙂
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Great last line!
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Thanks Dawn. 🙂
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Great twist. Easy for the kids to get it wrong.
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Scary reversal…I didn’t see it coming. Well done!
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I didn’t see that coming. An amazing twist and done so well, Sandra. Stating it at the end is an extra punch. So horrific, too. I wish I could have wrote this. 🙂
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Louella must have been a real cow, and had that mad cow disease that’s often in the news.
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What a gruesome twist! Good story as always Sandra
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Great twist at the end, Sandra. Louella’s family should have done more than fenced her in. They should have made sure she had no weapons. She needs more than a fence. She needs a padded cell and “lots” of medication. Well written as always. I’m glad your husband was there to move the car and not downriver somewhere. I hope the rains stop there. Send some of that rain our way. —- Suzanne
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A killer ending as always.
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I just LOVED this. Great writing.
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This story will give me goosebumps tonight!
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So much impact.
So few words.
I hope to get where you are someday.
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Thanks Fred 🙂 Why don’t you join us? Prompts are published on Wednesdays at Friday Fictioneers. You’ll enjoy it, I’m sure.
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