Made in Heaven – Friday Fictioneers – May 2016

Copyright Roger Bultot

Copyright Roger Bultot

The great lummox shifts uneasily at my door.


He grips his cap like a shield, rotating it through calloused fingers.

“Sithee, I’ve 42 cows, 20 acres, and 16 sheep.  Tha’ll want fer nuthin’…”

Seemingly appalled by his own effrontery, he clams up.

As proposals go, it’s not much; no hearts, no flowers.

But as women go, I’m not much either.  Tall, buck-teethed, flat-chested.

“No turtle doves then?”

He blinks…



“Ah’s got pigeons,” he cries.  “Tons of ‘um … “

“Wonderful!  No shortage of pies then.”

He recoils, horrified.

No sense of humour either.

He’ll have to do, though.

I think I could have done better with this, but we’re getting ready to move house and time is short.  During a restless night (nothing new there then) I got the word ‘lummox’ on my mind, so I was glad of the opportunity to use it and hopefully can now let it go.  🙂   Thanks to Rochelle who once more leads the Friday Fictioneers onto the dance floor today, with all her usual grace and style.

About Sandra

I used to cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and wrote fiction and poetry. Now I live on the beautiful Dorset coast, enjoying the luxury of being able to have a cat, cultivating an extensive garden and getting involved in the community. I still write fiction, but only when the spirit moves me - which isn't as often as before. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
This entry was posted in Friday Fictioneers, Just Sayin' and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

57 Responses to Made in Heaven – Friday Fictioneers – May 2016

  1. neilmacdon says:

    “he’ll have to do” – that’s how to write a last line!


  2. Dear Sandra,

    I rather like where you went with this. I could see them clearly. A match made slightly lower than heaven. ;). You never know, convenience and desperation could turn into romance of sorts. Best wishes on your packing and moving. High on the stress scale.




  3. Lovely story. Reminds me of Jane Thackray’s Blacksmith and the Toffeemaker, in a way, but itterly original nontheless.


  4. Love your choice of words. They really set the tone here.


  5. jellico84 says:

    Thanks for the smile.


  6. The Voice says:

    We takes what we can gets. Nicely crafted story, Sandra.


  7. Dale says:

    *Snort! *Guffaw! Thankfully did not have a mouthful of coffee whilst reading this.
    So funny and well done! Love!


  8. Ashley Danielle says:

    I can’t help but feel sad for her. I am such a romantic, so reading a story where you settle just breaks my heart, but if that was your intent you achieved it. You did a great job of bringing those emotions to life.


  9. IfeomaO says:

    Sounds like settling and swallowing one’s pride at its finest. Well written dialogue. Cheers.


  10. paulmclem says:

    I stopped entering completely when we moved house. Kudos to you for finding time to contribute a fun story. Hope the move goes well.


  11. k rawson says:

    Love your wry wit and the dialogue was perfect. You rule, Sandra.


  12. Lynn Love says:

    What a lovely word ‘lummox’ is! So well written – love the voices, love the way you’ve portrayed character in such a short word count. Love your buck-toothed, flat chested heroine and the least romantic marriage proposal ever. Love everything about this.
    Makes me think of ‘Hobson’s Choice’ and dear old Willy Mossop proposing to the plain and sensible Hobson daughter. Brilliant stuff, thorougly enjoyable 🙂


  13. Dee says:

    Loved that you used ‘lummox’ – good to tell you are a Northern girl! You painted a lovely picture here, I could see him hovering in the doorway unsure of his reception, but having to make the proposal nevertheless, and her eyeing him up and deciding that after all he would have to do.
    ‘Ee by gum I’m still chuckling to missel – well done.


  14. Mike says:

    I think that you did well with this, like the dialect, but I feel for the pigeons. Pies indeed.😉


  15. helenmidgley says:

    I loved the dialogue, it had me chuckling 🙂


  16. His heart is in the right place! Loved this 🙂


  17. mickwynn2013 says:

    I was hooked from “great big lummox” as that’s how I address a Yorkshire friend of mine. The humour went from strength from there on until the last line full of pathos. Brilliant, house move or no.


  18. Ha.. Sounds like this a perfect match from Internet dating. Love the pie line


  19. Laurie Bell says:

    Very clevr! Dont know if i could do without the sense of humor still he seems earnest enough. Great last line.


  20. I love your wry sense of humor here, and the rueful sense that one has to make do with one’s got. Romance can bloom in unlikely soil, anyway!
    Great story and tone, Sandra!


  21. We should all find a wonderful woman like that. Is her chest really all that flat? Wowee!


  22. storydivamg says:

    Well, I like it. No need to “do better.” You have to go where the story takes you. This week it took me down a long road of historical research, which took too much of my time, so you’re lucky that the word “lummox” came calling without giving chase. Seriously, good job. I enjoyed this one.



  23. I loved this story, Sandra. It reminded me of my mother’s young widowed aunt with three children. My mother talked her into encouraging a local bachelor farmer with a lot of acres. He had a speech impediment and was far from handsome, but he was kind, sweet on her, and a good catch. He was a great guy with a sense of humor. He didn’t look it, but he was also intelligent and made money when he retired and sold most of the acreage to developers. They thought he was dumb, but found they were wrong. 😀 — Suzanne


  24. draliman says:

    Sometimes you just have to settle. I can picture the “lummox” in my mind as he makes his clumsy proposal.
    Good luck with the house move!


  25. wmqcolby says:

    The dialogue has great rhythm and the story really, as we say in the TV biz, “pops.” I can see some more adventures with these two. Loved that pigeon pie line. He’ll latch on to her humor soon, she’ll get her teeth fixed and fill out a bit and he’ll be staying home nights.

    Bravo, Sandra! 😀


  26. subroto says:

    Har! Har! You should move more often. For us reading this will have to do for now 😉


  27. Oh dear – I wish them well! (I’ve never heard of lummox before!)


  28. wildchild47 says:

    Wonderfully written story Sandra 🙂

    The direction that flowed from the image prompt is refreshing, and this piece captures the spirit and essence of these characters, paints the setting and scene very well. A slightly off-beat tale that is a little gem.


  29. ceayr says:

    You always bring characters to life with seemingly effortless ease.
    Once again my cap is doffed.
    And moving home is scooshy-doo, easy-peasy.
    I have done it, by my last inept count, 34 times.
    Bon courage!


  30. gahlearner says:

    I’m a bit sorry, and sad, but also glad for both of them. He’s not the brightest but has a good heart, I love how horrified he is about the pigeon pie. He won’t be a cruel drinker/beater. She’s very smart but can’t seem to make her way without marrying someone, as it used to be for women in the past. Under these circumstances, this doesn’t have to be the worst of matches. Great writing.


  31. He might be just right for her but the no sense of humour thing…IDK. Perhaps in time, he will learn to “get her”. A very thoughtful story.


  32. Amy Reese says:

    Lummox is a great word! Now I want to use it, Sandra. The thought of pigeon pie has always horrified me, too. Just yuck. Yours was a wonderful story and made it me laugh. I thought you did a fine job. I’m at a loss! Good luck with the move.


  33. Case of “I need to choose between remaining unmarried or marrying lesser than my expectations”.
    Pathetic plight of many women who are not endowed!


  34. Caerlynn Nash says:

    I laughed out loud! Thanks for the chuckle. Love it!


  35. ansumani says:

    ha ha. Good one Sandra. It’s going to be a little difficult with a sense of humor but food is more important 🙂


  36. Thanks for the chuckle. This was brilliant. Good luck with the move.
    I haven’t heard ‘lummox’ in a long while.


  37. plaridel says:

    a guy without a sense of humor? i don’t think this would be a match in heaven. 🙂


  38. rgayer55 says:

    Lummox on my mind, that sounds like a song title. This story reminds me of a skit they used to do on Saturday Night Live called “Lowered Expectations.” You can imagine the couples they hooked up.


  39. elappleby says:

    I love the word ‘lummox’, along with the word (I genuinely thought it was a word when I was younger) ‘ay-peth’. Turns out it was ‘northern’ for ‘ha’penny worth’ – used as an insult as in ‘You great ay-peth’ No idea how you actually spell it though.


  40. Really bitter sweet this time. Hope they are happy.


  41. hafong says:

    It’s not a bad trade off. I think they were made for each other. 🙂



  42. Good for you for writing during the stress of a move! Interesting story! It makes me wonder why she’s willing to settle. Loved the humor! Pigeons and doves aren’t so different…haha


  43. Great characterisation Sandra, both in the dialogue and the main character’ narration. I love those last two lines too, “he(or she)’ll have to do” has gone through many minds throughout the years i think 🙂


  44. Margaret says:

    What a wonderfully appealing couple of characters. You are so clever, Sandra. I love this.


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