Unseen – Friday Fictioneers, June 2016

Copyright Doug McIlroy

Copyright Doug MacIlroy

She’s always believed that if she closes her eyes, people can’t see her.

But now, wanting to be found, she’s opened them.

And still people can’t see her.

She calls out, but only I can hear, and I can’t help… not in the way she wants.

Then she sees me, and claps her hands soundlessly together.

“Oh wait’ll I tell Tommy,” she says, dancing towards me.

I extend my hand, and she grasps it, holding it against her cheek.

“We’re going now,” I say.

She glances over her shoulder.

“Can’t Tommy come too?” she pleads.

“Not just yet, sweetheart.”

OK, shamelessly schmaltzy this week I admit, but if you’re craving my usual dispensation of blood and gore, click here to see my last submission for this prompt by the esteemed Doug MacIlroy.  Warmest wishes Doug, wherever you may be – you’re much missed, mate.  Thanks again to Rochelle at Friday Fictioneers, as she steams towards the end of the final book in her trilogy.  

Advertisements

About Sandra

I cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and write fiction and poetry. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
This entry was posted in Friday Fictioneers, Just Sayin'. Bookmark the permalink.

70 Responses to Unseen – Friday Fictioneers, June 2016

  1. neilmacdon says:

    The photo prompt urged schmaltz. Even so, the idea of being seen and not being seen is a great one. And those of us addicted to the creepier offerings can always wonder where they’re going and why Tommy can’t come

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      A story for all tastes then? I always feel uncomfortable with schmaltz but I like to balance the content for Friday Fictioneers, and I can’t seem to get in touch with my humourous side right now. 😦 Thanks for reading.

      Like

  2. ceayr says:

    Oh Sandra, how could you?
    My day has been going so well, and you hit me with this superbly created, beautifully subtle tear-jerker.
    The last line is a wonderful heartbreaker.

    Like

  3. Dear Sandra,

    I have the impression that the narrator is an angel? Am I warm or do I need more coffee?
    The voice is sweet and I like the tenderness in it. It must be all the nature and peaceful atmosphere you’re enjoying now.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Indira says:

    Wonderful story Sandra. Loved it.

    Like

  5. The diving bell and the butterfly. Nicely done.

    Like

  6. michael1148humphris says:

    Like Rochelle I felt this was a angelic piece.

    Like

  7. This was a perfect sad piece, and so very unlike you, which i think is great… we all need to strengthen our muscles for different writing every now and then.

    Like

  8. The Voice says:

    Your story combined with the photo has me imagining the Angel of Death wearing a silly diving helmet. I know this is supposed to be a sad story, but it had me grinning. Yes, I’m strange. Great story as always, Sandra.

    Like

  9. Ah I went a bit softer this week too. Perhaps it will be a FF where nobody dies for once? Very moving.

    Like

  10. At least she’s at peace now, hopefully.
    An endearing and well written story.

    Like

  11. liz young says:

    Beautifully told tear-jerker!

    Like

  12. paulmclem says:

    Got to be honest and admit I didn’t get the Angel bit. However, I enjoyed the feeling of the words none the less.

    Like

  13. Lynn Love says:

    Sweetly sad, Sandra. A realy bittersweet story very well told. love your economy of language – very nicely done 🙂

    Like

  14. jademwong says:

    I read and re-read this because it was so beautifully written, melancholy yet hopeful, and when I realized the narrator was an Angel I read it all over again so I could see the scene through an Angel’s pov. Amazing piece, Sandra!

    Like

  15. Danny James says:

    Always a pleasure reading your stories.

    DJ

    Like

  16. Dale says:

    Bring on the Schmaltz! This was a sweet piece indeed. No blood, no guts. Nice!

    Like

  17. A gentle story and I like it. I hope your humor is only lost in your writing. I hope you find it when you need it.
    Tracey

    Like

  18. It’s kind of a benevolent specter of death, if not exactly an angel. Death ain’t angelic I’m afraid. Fascinating story as usual, I hope the young girl will somehow be happy.

    Like

  19. wmqcolby says:

    A good story,Sandra, as usual. Looks like the Death Angel is saying what he has to say (if that’s what I think this is about). Also, I thought it could be an Alzheimer’s-type story, too. Has those elements as well.

    Anyway, terrific take, Sandra! I loved it!

    Like

  20. I loved this story. It wasn’t schmaltzy – well, it was sentimental, and sweet, and sad, but not schmaltzy.

    Like

  21. rgayer55 says:

    I’m still trying to figure it out. Kent’s comment about the possibility of an Alzheimer case struck a note with me. The reaction would be similar and Tommy may not even exist.
    Either way, it left plenty for my imagination to chew on.

    Like

  22. elappleby says:

    Sweet and beautiful, Sandra. A fantastic take on the prompt.

    Like

  23. gahlearner says:

    This just proves that you can write anything. I didn’t read angel, but I read death, and mental illness. We all need a bit of Schmalz from time to time.

    Like

  24. helenmidgley says:

    beautifully told tear-jerker 🙂

    Like

  25. Oh, interesting! i see it as an angel’s point of view now–lovely. I was imagining a clairvoyant child medium who sees this dead girl and has to move away–I think that’s because my mind tends toward the ghostly!

    Like

  26. plaridel says:

    it’s just the way it must be written. well done.

    Like

  27. draliman says:

    I’m reading this as a little girl joining her Mum in Heaven, with Tommy the brother or maybe best friend. However you meant it, lovely story!

    Like

  28. Angel of death. On the Queen’s birthday!

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      My timing has always been impeccable. One of my successful competition entries (about a hostage situation in a restaurant) was published the week of the Paris atrocities. 😦

      Like

  29. I have an idea what this is about, but I don’t want to spoil the mystery. It’s a beautiful sad story.

    Like

  30. I agree with wmqcolby, I thought it was about someone with mental illness. Either way, it is beautifully told. 🙂

    Like

  31. I found this quite chilling! Great story as always Sandra. Really well written.

    Like

  32. I was thinking the narrator was another family member but it could be a guardian angel. It works either way. It could be either sad or joyous however you look at it. Well written, Sandra. 🙂 — Suzanne

    Like

  33. jwdwrites says:

    Nothing wrong with a sprinkling of schmaltz now and again, hope France isn’t feeling too dangerous right now with all those Brits over there getting in fights!

    Like

  34. This has a sixth sense about it. I love its schmaltziness.

    Like

  35. ansumani says:

    Sandra, You usually kill (your characters) violently…this is so gentle , loving and heart-breaking. Written well as always!

    Like

  36. Margaret says:

    I like how you’ve used the notion of children thinking they’re invisible when they close their eyes. The opening of your story raised questions about the child and gave the story intriguing layers. Lovely.

    Like

  37. Pingback: Invisibles – Viernes, junio Fictioneers el año 2016 | apserranoblog

I'd love to hear your views; it reassures me I'm not talking to myself.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s