Unseen – Friday Fictioneers, June 2016

Copyright Doug McIlroy

Copyright Doug MacIlroy

She’s always believed that if she closes her eyes, people can’t see her.

But now, wanting to be found, she’s opened them.

And still people can’t see her.

She calls out, but only I can hear, and I can’t help… not in the way she wants.

Then she sees me, and claps her hands soundlessly together.

“Oh wait’ll I tell Tommy,” she says, dancing towards me.

I extend my hand, and she grasps it, holding it against her cheek.

“We’re going now,” I say.

She glances over her shoulder.

“Can’t Tommy come too?” she pleads.

“Not just yet, sweetheart.”

OK, shamelessly schmaltzy this week I admit, but if you’re craving my usual dispensation of blood and gore, click here to see my last submission for this prompt by the esteemed Doug MacIlroy.  Warmest wishes Doug, wherever you may be – you’re much missed, mate.  Thanks again to Rochelle at Friday Fictioneers, as she steams towards the end of the final book in her trilogy.  

About Sandra

I used to cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and wrote fiction and poetry. Now I live on the beautiful Dorset coast, enjoying the luxury of being able to have a cat, cultivating an extensive garden and getting involved in the community. I still write fiction, but only when the spirit moves me - which isn't as often as before. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
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70 Responses to Unseen – Friday Fictioneers, June 2016

  1. neilmacdon says:

    The photo prompt urged schmaltz. Even so, the idea of being seen and not being seen is a great one. And those of us addicted to the creepier offerings can always wonder where they’re going and why Tommy can’t come


    • Sandra says:

      A story for all tastes then? I always feel uncomfortable with schmaltz but I like to balance the content for Friday Fictioneers, and I can’t seem to get in touch with my humourous side right now. 😦 Thanks for reading.


  2. ceayr says:

    Oh Sandra, how could you?
    My day has been going so well, and you hit me with this superbly created, beautifully subtle tear-jerker.
    The last line is a wonderful heartbreaker.


  3. Dear Sandra,

    I have the impression that the narrator is an angel? Am I warm or do I need more coffee?
    The voice is sweet and I like the tenderness in it. It must be all the nature and peaceful atmosphere you’re enjoying now.



    Liked by 1 person

  4. Indira says:

    Wonderful story Sandra. Loved it.


  5. The diving bell and the butterfly. Nicely done.


  6. michael1148humphris says:

    Like Rochelle I felt this was a angelic piece.


  7. This was a perfect sad piece, and so very unlike you, which i think is great… we all need to strengthen our muscles for different writing every now and then.


  8. The Voice says:

    Your story combined with the photo has me imagining the Angel of Death wearing a silly diving helmet. I know this is supposed to be a sad story, but it had me grinning. Yes, I’m strange. Great story as always, Sandra.


  9. Ah I went a bit softer this week too. Perhaps it will be a FF where nobody dies for once? Very moving.


  10. At least she’s at peace now, hopefully.
    An endearing and well written story.


  11. liz young says:

    Beautifully told tear-jerker!


  12. paulmclem says:

    Got to be honest and admit I didn’t get the Angel bit. However, I enjoyed the feeling of the words none the less.


  13. Lynn Love says:

    Sweetly sad, Sandra. A realy bittersweet story very well told. love your economy of language – very nicely done 🙂


  14. jademwong says:

    I read and re-read this because it was so beautifully written, melancholy yet hopeful, and when I realized the narrator was an Angel I read it all over again so I could see the scene through an Angel’s pov. Amazing piece, Sandra!


  15. Danny James says:

    Always a pleasure reading your stories.



  16. Dale says:

    Bring on the Schmaltz! This was a sweet piece indeed. No blood, no guts. Nice!


  17. A gentle story and I like it. I hope your humor is only lost in your writing. I hope you find it when you need it.


  18. It’s kind of a benevolent specter of death, if not exactly an angel. Death ain’t angelic I’m afraid. Fascinating story as usual, I hope the young girl will somehow be happy.


  19. wmqcolby says:

    A good story,Sandra, as usual. Looks like the Death Angel is saying what he has to say (if that’s what I think this is about). Also, I thought it could be an Alzheimer’s-type story, too. Has those elements as well.

    Anyway, terrific take, Sandra! I loved it!


  20. I loved this story. It wasn’t schmaltzy – well, it was sentimental, and sweet, and sad, but not schmaltzy.


  21. rgayer55 says:

    I’m still trying to figure it out. Kent’s comment about the possibility of an Alzheimer case struck a note with me. The reaction would be similar and Tommy may not even exist.
    Either way, it left plenty for my imagination to chew on.


  22. elappleby says:

    Sweet and beautiful, Sandra. A fantastic take on the prompt.


  23. gahlearner says:

    This just proves that you can write anything. I didn’t read angel, but I read death, and mental illness. We all need a bit of Schmalz from time to time.


  24. helenmidgley says:

    beautifully told tear-jerker 🙂


  25. Oh, interesting! i see it as an angel’s point of view now–lovely. I was imagining a clairvoyant child medium who sees this dead girl and has to move away–I think that’s because my mind tends toward the ghostly!


  26. plaridel says:

    it’s just the way it must be written. well done.


  27. draliman says:

    I’m reading this as a little girl joining her Mum in Heaven, with Tommy the brother or maybe best friend. However you meant it, lovely story!


  28. Angel of death. On the Queen’s birthday!


    • Sandra says:

      My timing has always been impeccable. One of my successful competition entries (about a hostage situation in a restaurant) was published the week of the Paris atrocities. 😦


  29. Josslyn Rae Turner says:

    I have an idea what this is about, but I don’t want to spoil the mystery. It’s a beautiful sad story.


  30. I agree with wmqcolby, I thought it was about someone with mental illness. Either way, it is beautifully told. 🙂


  31. Thom Carswell says:

    I found this quite chilling! Great story as always Sandra. Really well written.


  32. I was thinking the narrator was another family member but it could be a guardian angel. It works either way. It could be either sad or joyous however you look at it. Well written, Sandra. 🙂 — Suzanne


  33. jwdwrites says:

    Nothing wrong with a sprinkling of schmaltz now and again, hope France isn’t feeling too dangerous right now with all those Brits over there getting in fights!


  34. This has a sixth sense about it. I love its schmaltziness.


  35. ansumani says:

    Sandra, You usually kill (your characters) violently…this is so gentle , loving and heart-breaking. Written well as always!


  36. Margaret says:

    I like how you’ve used the notion of children thinking they’re invisible when they close their eyes. The opening of your story raised questions about the child and gave the story intriguing layers. Lovely.


  37. Pingback: Invisibles – Viernes, junio Fictioneers el año 2016 | apserranoblog

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