Copyright Doug MacIlroy
She’s always believed that if she closes her eyes, people can’t see her.
But now, wanting to be found, she’s opened them.
And still people can’t see her.
She calls out, but only I can hear, and I can’t help… not in the way she wants.
Then she sees me, and claps her hands soundlessly together.
“Oh wait’ll I tell Tommy,” she says, dancing towards me.
I extend my hand, and she grasps it, holding it against her cheek.
“We’re going now,” I say.
She glances over her shoulder.
“Can’t Tommy come too?” she pleads.
“Not just yet, sweetheart.”
OK, shamelessly schmaltzy this week I admit, but if you’re craving my usual dispensation of blood and gore, click here to see my last submission for this prompt by the esteemed Doug MacIlroy. Warmest wishes Doug, wherever you may be – you’re much missed, mate. Thanks again to Rochelle at Friday Fictioneers, as she steams towards the end of the final book in her trilogy.
castelsarrasin 
The photo prompt urged schmaltz. Even so, the idea of being seen and not being seen is a great one. And those of us addicted to the creepier offerings can always wonder where they’re going and why Tommy can’t come
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A story for all tastes then? I always feel uncomfortable with schmaltz but I like to balance the content for Friday Fictioneers, and I can’t seem to get in touch with my humourous side right now. 😦 Thanks for reading.
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Oh Sandra, how could you?
My day has been going so well, and you hit me with this superbly created, beautifully subtle tear-jerker.
The last line is a wonderful heartbreaker.
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Thank you CE. Sorry to have ruined your day. 😉 But it’s good to have a little weep now and then.
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Dear Sandra,
I have the impression that the narrator is an angel? Am I warm or do I need more coffee?
The voice is sweet and I like the tenderness in it. It must be all the nature and peaceful atmosphere you’re enjoying now.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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You’re coffee’d up just fine, Rochelle. 🙂 Thanks for reading. Keep at it – the end must be nearly in sight now.
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Wonderful story Sandra. Loved it.
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Thank you Indira! 🙂
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The diving bell and the butterfly. Nicely done.
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Thanks for reading. 🙂
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Like Rochelle I felt this was a angelic piece.
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Pretty much like me then… NOT! 🙂 Thanks for reading.
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This was a perfect sad piece, and so very unlike you, which i think is great… we all need to strengthen our muscles for different writing every now and then.
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I’m always uncomfortable with overtly sentimental pieces Bjorn, but a little discomfort isn’t the end of the world. 🙂
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Your story combined with the photo has me imagining the Angel of Death wearing a silly diving helmet. I know this is supposed to be a sad story, but it had me grinning. Yes, I’m strange. Great story as always, Sandra.
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Thanks for seeing the funny side. 🙂 And thanks for reading.
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Ah I went a bit softer this week too. Perhaps it will be a FF where nobody dies for once? Very moving.
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We’re not as bloodthirsty as we used to be, I think. Thanks for reading.
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At least she’s at peace now, hopefully.
An endearing and well written story.
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Thank you!
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Beautifully told tear-jerker!
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Thank Liz. 🙂
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Got to be honest and admit I didn’t get the Angel bit. However, I enjoyed the feeling of the words none the less.
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As long as you enjoyed it… 😉
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Sweetly sad, Sandra. A realy bittersweet story very well told. love your economy of language – very nicely done 🙂
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Thanks Lynn. 100 words is something of a test, I know.
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A great test, though. Always good fun to boil a story down to its essence. 🙂
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I read and re-read this because it was so beautifully written, melancholy yet hopeful, and when I realized the narrator was an Angel I read it all over again so I could see the scene through an Angel’s pov. Amazing piece, Sandra!
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Thanks Jade. As I wrote it, I was imagining it was the long gone grandmother, as she obviously had some knowledge of the child. But an angel is fine, many grandmothers must be angels. 🙂
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Yes, I’m sure grandmothers make some of the best angels 🙂
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Always a pleasure reading your stories.
DJ
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Thank you, Danny. 🙂
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Bring on the Schmaltz! This was a sweet piece indeed. No blood, no guts. Nice!
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Next week perhaps, Dale. 😉 Thank you.
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A gentle story and I like it. I hope your humor is only lost in your writing. I hope you find it when you need it.
Tracey
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It will come, in time. I hope so anyway. Thanks for reading Tracey. or ‘gracias’.
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It’s kind of a benevolent specter of death, if not exactly an angel. Death ain’t angelic I’m afraid. Fascinating story as usual, I hope the young girl will somehow be happy.
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Who knows? Thanks for reading Perry.
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A good story,Sandra, as usual. Looks like the Death Angel is saying what he has to say (if that’s what I think this is about). Also, I thought it could be an Alzheimer’s-type story, too. Has those elements as well.
Anyway, terrific take, Sandra! I loved it!
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I like to see different takes on the story. Thanks Kent.
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I loved this story. It wasn’t schmaltzy – well, it was sentimental, and sweet, and sad, but not schmaltzy.
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Thank you! 🙂
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I’m still trying to figure it out. Kent’s comment about the possibility of an Alzheimer case struck a note with me. The reaction would be similar and Tommy may not even exist.
Either way, it left plenty for my imagination to chew on.
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I hope it doesn’t give you heartburn. 🙂 Thanks for reading Russell.
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Sweet and beautiful, Sandra. A fantastic take on the prompt.
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Thanks el, glad you liked it.
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This just proves that you can write anything. I didn’t read angel, but I read death, and mental illness. We all need a bit of Schmalz from time to time.
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Thanks gah. Sometimes it’s good to flex your boundaries a tad.
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beautifully told tear-jerker 🙂
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Thanks Helen. 🙂
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Oh, interesting! i see it as an angel’s point of view now–lovely. I was imagining a clairvoyant child medium who sees this dead girl and has to move away–I think that’s because my mind tends toward the ghostly!
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When I wrote it, I was in the ‘grandmother’ narrative, but whatever aspect it represents is fine to me. Thanks for reading Emily.
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it’s just the way it must be written. well done.
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Thank you!
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I’m reading this as a little girl joining her Mum in Heaven, with Tommy the brother or maybe best friend. However you meant it, lovely story!
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Thank you! However you interpreted it – that’s fine by me.
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Angel of death. On the Queen’s birthday!
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My timing has always been impeccable. One of my successful competition entries (about a hostage situation in a restaurant) was published the week of the Paris atrocities. 😦
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I have an idea what this is about, but I don’t want to spoil the mystery. It’s a beautiful sad story.
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Thank you Josslyn.
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You’re welcome! 🙂
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I agree with wmqcolby, I thought it was about someone with mental illness. Either way, it is beautifully told. 🙂
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I found this quite chilling! Great story as always Sandra. Really well written.
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I was thinking the narrator was another family member but it could be a guardian angel. It works either way. It could be either sad or joyous however you look at it. Well written, Sandra. 🙂 — Suzanne
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only on second reading i saw the beauty of last four lines
http://obliqview.blogspot.in/2016/06/terror-attack-photo-prompt-douglas-m.html
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Nothing wrong with a sprinkling of schmaltz now and again, hope France isn’t feeling too dangerous right now with all those Brits over there getting in fights!
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This has a sixth sense about it. I love its schmaltziness.
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Sandra, You usually kill (your characters) violently…this is so gentle , loving and heart-breaking. Written well as always!
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I like how you’ve used the notion of children thinking they’re invisible when they close their eyes. The opening of your story raised questions about the child and gave the story intriguing layers. Lovely.
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