Crossing Over – Friday Fictioneers, August 2016

AdamIckes-boardwalk

Copyright Adam Ickes


 

“Can you hear me?”

Momentarily she stirs.

I curl myself around her, chin on her shoulder.

“Can you feel me?”

She rubs her cheek into the pillow.

“Will you miss me?”

A soft moan, the barest whimper.

“Say you’ll remember me.”

Her eyelids fly open, body tense as she stares into the darkness.

The bedside phone is ringing, urgently shrill with news that will change her world, and that of many others.  Yawning, she picks it up and listens.

Her hand covers her mouth, and helplessly I watch the silent scream form.

“I won’t be far away, love,” I whisper, unheard.

This story is from March 2014, a year which turned out to be a bad year in aviation history.  As I’ve said before, I’m not comfortable writing sentimental stuff, but I’ve heard it said that if you want to improve, you should write about something that makes you feel uncomfortable.  Thanks to Rochelle for giving the longer-serving members of the Friday Fictioneers an opportunity to take a breather; I just hope I can do the business when we start up with new prompts.  😦

 

About Sandra

I cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and write fiction and poetry. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
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59 Responses to Crossing Over – Friday Fictioneers, August 2016

  1. Dear Sandra,

    It gave me goosebumps then, it gives me goosebumps now. I’ve asked myself the same question about being able to write new flashes. I’ve no doubts about yourself.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

  2. neilmacdon says:

    If you think this is sentimental, take a look at mine this week, Sandra

    Liked by 2 people

  3. gahlearner says:

    I don’t find it too sentimental. It’s sad, and emotional, but not in a sickeningly sweet way. I’ll have to remember the ‘writing about what makes you uncomfrotable’ bit. I almost always play with my favourite F/SF toys…

    Like

  4. ceayr says:

    Oh, Sandra, this hits where it hurts most.
    Most of us dread causing pain to those we love, and your words capture brilliantly the anguish on both sides.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sandra says:

      Thanks CE. I’ve heard people say that they can’t understand why they couldn’t immediately and instinctively know that someone close had died, and how guilty that made them feel. Thanks for reading.

      Like

  5. Oh I absolutely LOVE this Sandra.

    Like

  6. iainthekid says:

    Excellent story, very evocative, and I didn’t find it overly sentimental at all – I tend to disagree with sentimentality always being a bad thing in stories, sometimes it’s good to get to reader’s emotions that way.

    Like

  7. Dale says:

    I really enjoyed Jones this one, Sandra. I like how we have to fill in blanks which could go in many directions. And No, I don’t feel it overly sentimental at all…

    Like

  8. michael1148humphris says:

    I felt so much emotion in this, and an ending that the reader could decide. Great writing.

    Like

  9. MrBinks says:

    This is such a strong piece. Well written as always, Sandra.

    Like

  10. Lynn Love says:

    A very moving tale, Sandra. I felt what was coming, but you spin tales so well, it was still heartbreaking to reach the conclusion. Nicely constructed and well written tale 🙂

    Like

  11. This gave me chills!

    Like

  12. rgayer55 says:

    I found it more sad that sentimental. It wasn’t like watching the boy shoot his dog in Ol’ Yellar. You really have a way of telling a story without over-telling it.

    Like

  13. helenmidgley says:

    That was a emotional ride, fab 🙂

    Like

  14. paulmclem says:

    It’s shows you’ve been here a while when you remember people’s old stories. Enjoyed this one then and now.

    Like

  15. ansumani says:

    A sad story – expertly told!

    Like

  16. maria says:

    Heart-wrenchingly sad… Sigh.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. It was painful to read, also Sandra, but the writing was excellent. You made it seem so real. —- Suzanne

    Like

  18. And in a heart beat the story all changes.
    I like sentimental, very well written.

    Like

  19. draliman says:

    How something can change from “normal” to “tragic” in an instant. Very sad.

    Like

  20. This is so good! Stark, sad, loving, anguished, very well pictured.

    Like

  21. jellico84 says:

    oh, but that sent shivers down my spine. Eerie, and so very sad.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Al says:

    Devastatingly good. The horror of it comes through well.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. liz young says:

    So sad. It would be lovely to think we get that last chance to say goodbye.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. I wonder why that bridge evokes an imagine of death. It’s strange how we can get similar vibes from common scenes at FF. Of course I like it.
    Tracey

    Like

  25. Reading this gave me the shivers. Beautifully and sensitively composed.

    Visit Keith’s Ramblings

    Liked by 1 person

  26. plaridel says:

    if this story is made into a movie, and meryl streep is starring in it, she will win at the oscars. well done.

    Like

  27. Stunning and moving story. Also, very spooky. I like the point of view a lot.

    Like

  28. Dee says:

    Liked this the first time round and like it all over again. A love story, unusual for you but beautifully told.

    Like

  29. wmqcolby says:

    Sandra, I have seen people write volumes on this and you nail it in 100 words. I ventured out of my comfort zone twice and it was great, like you say. Nothing wrong with sentimentality provided it’s a well-structured story and truthfully told. Great rerun! I don’t think I have read it before.

    Like

  30. I love the way you lead the reader towards the ending. Personally, I kept hoping that it wouldn’t be the sad event it was going towards, but it didn’t make it any less heart-wrenching, A lovely piece.

    Like

  31. erinleary says:

    Lovely the second time around…you handle discomfort well.

    Like

  32. subroto says:

    More sad than sentimental. Still beautifully done.

    Like

  33. I didn’t find this too sentimental but I did find it touching.

    Like

  34. Pingback: The Gardener’s Son – Friday Fictioneers Flash Fiction – Flights of Fancy

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