Copyright Adam Ickes
“Can you hear me?”
Momentarily she stirs.
I curl myself around her, chin on her shoulder.
“Can you feel me?”
She rubs her cheek into the pillow.
“Will you miss me?”
A soft moan, the barest whimper.
“Say you’ll remember me.”
Her eyelids fly open, body tense as she stares into the darkness.
The bedside phone is ringing, urgently shrill with news that will change her world, and that of many others. Yawning, she picks it up and listens.
Her hand covers her mouth, and helplessly I watch the silent scream form.
“I won’t be far away, love,” I whisper, unheard.
This story is from March 2014, a year which turned out to be a bad year in aviation history. As I’ve said before, I’m not comfortable writing sentimental stuff, but I’ve heard it said that if you want to improve, you should write about something that makes you feel uncomfortable. Thanks to Rochelle for giving the longer-serving members of the Friday Fictioneers an opportunity to take a breather; I just hope I can do the business when we start up with new prompts. 😦
castelsarrasin 
Dear Sandra,
It gave me goosebumps then, it gives me goosebumps now. I’ve asked myself the same question about being able to write new flashes. I’ve no doubts about yourself.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Time will tell, I guess. 🙂 Thanks for reading, Rochelle.
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If you think this is sentimental, take a look at mine this week, Sandra
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I don’t find it too sentimental. It’s sad, and emotional, but not in a sickeningly sweet way. I’ll have to remember the ‘writing about what makes you uncomfrotable’ bit. I almost always play with my favourite F/SF toys…
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I think it does you good to break from the usual path, but sometimes it’s really hard. Glad it wasn’t too much. 🙂
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Oh, Sandra, this hits where it hurts most.
Most of us dread causing pain to those we love, and your words capture brilliantly the anguish on both sides.
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Thanks CE. I’ve heard people say that they can’t understand why they couldn’t immediately and instinctively know that someone close had died, and how guilty that made them feel. Thanks for reading.
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Oh I absolutely LOVE this Sandra.
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Thank you! 🙂
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Excellent story, very evocative, and I didn’t find it overly sentimental at all – I tend to disagree with sentimentality always being a bad thing in stories, sometimes it’s good to get to reader’s emotions that way.
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I agree. It’s just that I’m not particularly comfortable with it. Thanks for reading, Iain.
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I really enjoyed Jones this one, Sandra. I like how we have to fill in blanks which could go in many directions. And No, I don’t feel it overly sentimental at all…
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Thanks Dale, glad you liked it.
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I felt so much emotion in this, and an ending that the reader could decide. Great writing.
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Thanks Michael. 🙂
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This is such a strong piece. Well written as always, Sandra.
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Thank you, glad you liked it.
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A very moving tale, Sandra. I felt what was coming, but you spin tales so well, it was still heartbreaking to reach the conclusion. Nicely constructed and well written tale 🙂
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Many thanks Lynn.
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My pleasure, Sandra 🙂
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This gave me chills!
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Hope you’re feeling warmer now, Jean. 😉
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Oh yeah, hit 107 here yesterday. LOL
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I found it more sad that sentimental. It wasn’t like watching the boy shoot his dog in Ol’ Yellar. You really have a way of telling a story without over-telling it.
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I take that as a great compliment, Russell. Understatement is what I strive for. 🙂
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That was a emotional ride, fab 🙂
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Thanks Helen!
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It’s shows you’ve been here a while when you remember people’s old stories. Enjoyed this one then and now.
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Thanks Paul. 🙂
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A sad story – expertly told!
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Excellent as always.
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Thank you!
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Heart-wrenchingly sad… Sigh.
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It was painful to read, also Sandra, but the writing was excellent. You made it seem so real. —- Suzanne
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Thanks Suzanne. Glad you liked it.
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And in a heart beat the story all changes.
I like sentimental, very well written.
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Thanks!
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How something can change from “normal” to “tragic” in an instant. Very sad.
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That’s something I think about often. Thanks for reading.
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This is so good! Stark, sad, loving, anguished, very well pictured.
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Thank you. 🙂
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oh, but that sent shivers down my spine. Eerie, and so very sad.
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Devastatingly good. The horror of it comes through well.
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So sad. It would be lovely to think we get that last chance to say goodbye.
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It would. I can think of nothing sadder than not sensing the last occasion you’re with a loved one.
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I wonder why that bridge evokes an imagine of death. It’s strange how we can get similar vibes from common scenes at FF. Of course I like it.
Tracey
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Thanks Tracey. 🙂
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Reading this gave me the shivers. Beautifully and sensitively composed.
Visit Keith’s Ramblings
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if this story is made into a movie, and meryl streep is starring in it, she will win at the oscars. well done.
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🙂
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Stunning and moving story. Also, very spooky. I like the point of view a lot.
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Thank you!
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Liked this the first time round and like it all over again. A love story, unusual for you but beautifully told.
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Sandra, I have seen people write volumes on this and you nail it in 100 words. I ventured out of my comfort zone twice and it was great, like you say. Nothing wrong with sentimentality provided it’s a well-structured story and truthfully told. Great rerun! I don’t think I have read it before.
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I love the way you lead the reader towards the ending. Personally, I kept hoping that it wouldn’t be the sad event it was going towards, but it didn’t make it any less heart-wrenching, A lovely piece.
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Lovely the second time around…you handle discomfort well.
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More sad than sentimental. Still beautifully done.
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I didn’t find this too sentimental but I did find it touching.
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