Copyright Vijaya Sundaram
I’m leaning against the door.
Outside, the sky spasmodically brightens with hell-fire, while behind me the television plays out an unspeakable loop of savagery and bloodshed on the streets of my city.
The doorbell rings again.
If I open this door, I’ll be taking the first irrevocable steps into a world without her, and I’m not ready to do that yet.
Our last exchange, earlier tonight, was brief and typically hostile.
“You’re not going out like that? You look like a tart.”
“Well, you’d know all about that.”
There’s a shuffling outside the door.
But then an exhausted, frightened voice…
“Maman…?”
Lovely to see a story from a fellow Friday Fictioneer, Lynn Love, winning Writing Magazine’s Bronte-themed story competition with Night of the Crying Women. Good one, Lynn. And also good to have a new prompt to get my teeth into; I was getting lazy. Many thanks for the respite though, Rochelle.
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As it is outside, so it is inside. Beautifully rendered, Sandra
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Thanks Neil. Appreciate your comment.
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What a great story, Sandra. You built such a lot of tension in those opening sentences – leaning against the door, hell-fire in the sky, the loop of horror on the television. We know something truly awful has happened and your character is dealing with it alone.
A really exciting take on the prompt. Ever written any sci-fi?
Thank you so much for the mention, too. As a long term WM subscriber (and having entered SO MANY of their comps over the years and only ever being shortlisted before) I was delighted to finally win. You’re very, very kind. Thanks again 🙂
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My pleasure, Lynn. And keep recycling what doesn’t work for WM. My ‘Manic Monday’ for Writers’ Forum was a WM reject. 😉 And no, I seldom do Sci-Fi. My imagination doesn’t seem to work that way. Thanks for commenting.
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Well done for the Writers’ Forum story – was that recent? I don’t actually subscribe to the Forum, just WM, so from time to time I do miss out catching stories from people I know. Always a pleasure to read your stories
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Late last year, Lynn: https://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2015/11/18/another-manic-monday-first-prize-writers-forum-magazine-170/
Why not give them a try? It’s open-themed.
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Thanks so much for the link. Can’t believe I hardly ever read the Forum – but did this issue. And I never twigged that you wrote the story, but then I hadn’t found Friday Fictioneers back then. I remember reading this very clearly – such a strong story, I’m not surprised at all that you won. Excellent, Sandra 🙂
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A really touching sense of family closeness amid a terrible war. Great work.
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Thanks Iain. Glad you liked it.
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Good story Sandra. I like the tension and the fear.
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Thanks Al. 🙂
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🙂
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Dear Sandra,
Family tension and added danger have me wondering what lies beyond the door. It feels to me akin to the dilemma of the lady or the tiger. Am I warm? You’ve not lost your edge over the summer.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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It’s a straightforward story from me this time, Rochelle. The kind of situation any mother could face when her daughter goes off to a night out on the town, particularly a French town. As regards the ‘edge’, if anyone has maintained that sharp edge over the summer, it’s you with your story this week. It’s a cracker! 🙂
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Evocative and well-crafted.
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Thank you! 🙂
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A lovely portrayal of mother/daughter relationship.
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Whoa, so much for gathering rust through the summer… I think you were sharpening your edge instead. 😉 This lady’s world is torn apart, inside and out.
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Such a powerful second paragraph and cutting edge storytelling. I’m inspired once again by your writing 🙂
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The world is rife with troubles everywhere within and without.
Is that the daughter outside the door. I really hope it’s her and not more bad news.
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I start to sound like a broken record, when I tell you -once again- that you always leave me wanting to read more.
The bloodshed in the city makes me wonder where you are and what had happened. Very well done.
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Will Maman let her back in? Of course she will – she clearly still loves her. So poignant.
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When young we often learn the hard way, great writing. Mike
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Interesting. It wasn’t the relationship or situation I imagined at the beginning. I definitely went on a journey in this short piece.
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I could really feel how she couldn’t leave having parted like that… The somewhat happier end made me smile… and I hope they can leave together now.
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Oh, I love that last word – such a little word of hope, when I thought this was going to be one of your unhappy stories. Just great.
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You paint emotions well. The turmoil roiling inside her definitely came through. And no dead body this time. 🙂 Five stars!
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Yes, I like the parallel of the emotions and the fireworks. At first, I thought of some kind of war, but, conflict comes in all varieties.
As usual, Sandra, you rocked it! Five out of five tarts. 😉
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Taut, tense, terrific.
Thoughts of Nice.
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Of course she’d come home to mum 🙂
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Vivid is the word that springs to mind when I read this, great description and atmosphere maintained throughout, so you’re transported there.
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Looks like all other conflict melts away when true cataclysmic conflict exists. But don’t know if she’s coming or going, alive or dead.
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Oh no… poor child. A great way to describe the turmoil inside with that of the outside
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Excellent job of showing us the dysfunction of this family. I wanted to leave the room 😉
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In so few words you have taken us right into the center of such events that can occur at any place any time.
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perhaps a nightmare coming true
http://obliqview.blogspot.in/2016/09/victory-march-they-had-won-greatvictory.html
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Great tension, Sandra. I got the sense her girl had run out into the darkness of the night but has come back amid all the chaos. What a nightmare. Great descriptions. Indeed, you have not lost your touch at all. Well done.
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Mothers and daughters. I have one of the former and two of the latter, and I understand the minefield one has to navigate every day. Well told, Sandra.
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I can understand both sides in this story, Sandra. If I had a young daughter in France, I’d worry also. The young often don’t understand. They’ve been raised seeing violence. A generation after the war grew up in peace. Good writing as always. —- Suzanne
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A tense, worry-wracked story with a great setting! I love how you portrayed the push-and-pull of the relationship between mother and daughter.
(Apologies for my lateish response to your story! My computer is dead, and I’m using my husband’s computer to respond to everyone’s posts before the next Friday Fictioneers story gets posted tomorrow!)
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