I Double Dare You – Friday Fictioneers, October 2016

ceayr

Copyright C E Ayr

“Lie flat, Jess!”

Emily was crawling across the ice towards me, as men scrambled from the nearby factory, carrying ladders and ropes.

Glancing down, I saw the ice darkening around me, the splintering becoming louder.

“Hurry, Emily!”

“I’m coming. Everything will be all right.”

A crack, a shriek… a splash.  Then silence.

Seconds later a rusty ladder jabbed against my arm, and I was dragged across the ice towards safety.

But I’d be forever haunted by the memory of Emily’s face pressed up against the ice beneath me, her gaze holding mine.

And nothing would ever be right again.

Apologies for my absence – I expect to be on an even keel by this time next week and able to focus on writing again.  So this is a rather hurried attempt to keep in the swing of matters other than those associated with moving house.  The story was inspired by the headline across the factory in the background, something I didn’t see at first glance.  Great photo CE, and thanks to Rochelle for enabling my participation this week.

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About Sandra

I cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and write fiction and poetry. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
This entry was posted in Friday Fictioneers, Just Sayin'. Bookmark the permalink.

75 Responses to I Double Dare You – Friday Fictioneers, October 2016

  1. neilmacdon says:

    Drama, pathos, and a story that projects beyond the wordcount. It may have been hurried, Sandra, but it’s perfect

    Like

  2. Dear Sandra,

    It’s so good to see your face among, as Russell calls it, the Hollywood Squares.

    No one dashes off a story as effectively as you, my dear. Dark and troubling. Nothing would be the same after that. Well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

  3. ceayr says:

    I long ago ran out of superlatives for your writing, Sandra, and this story stands with the best of what you do.
    In 100 words we care about two children, and weep for both at the end.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wonderful. Such a startling image – the face under the ice. I didn’t see the words on the building at all

    Like

  5. Mike says:

    A haunting piece Sandra. A great read.

    Like

  6. Indira says:

    A heart rending story. I was missing your stories dear.

    Like

  7. Great story. Reminds me a bit of a Stephen King short called The Last Rung on the Ladder.

    Like

  8. Nato says:

    Chilling story. And well written.

    Like

  9. If this is hurried, keep hurrying! I could visualize Emily’s face beneath the ice and fell Jess’ pain. Haunting indeed!

    Like

  10. Iain Kelly says:

    Terrifying image, but a great twist, just as I thought everyone was going to be saved! Great writing.

    Like

  11. Mike says:

    A haunting image.

    Like

  12. Dale says:

    Would that I could “jot off a story in a hurried attempt…” My heart broke for those two girls… beautifully done.

    Like

  13. Lynn Love says:

    What a chilling, moving tale, Sandra. What a dreadful thing, to be so close to your drowning friend and remain helpless to save them. Truly a horrific thought. A brilliant tale with not a single trace of ‘rushedness’ about it 🙂 Hope the move’s going well

    Like

  14. paulmclem says:

    Had me fooled. I thought Emily was the one coming to the rescue, not the one being rescued. Subtly done 🙂

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      Ah! Not sure how you got to that Paul. I hadn’t been able to make my mind up who died when I started the story, but in editing a different story emerged. Not to worry!

      Like

  15. You never create anything less than brilliant. Good luck with the move.

    Like

  16. Sandra, this is startling at the end. So well done.We had several young men die beneath the ice covering the lake down the street from us. I always wondered about that “looking up through the ice” thing,

    Like

  17. P.S. Glad to see you back!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. A good story stays with you! This one will be still in my mind later on when I will prepare our dinner. Great writing and great story telling.

    Like

  19. tedstrutz says:

    Another fine Crook Story. Good eye, I saw the Asian building and looked no further. And, I too, am returning after a long absence. I hope you will be off the keel and back on top, where you belong.

    Like

  20. What a haunting sadness, the image of a face beneath the ice is something that nightmares are made off… and what guilt she must have felt for Emily drowning

    Like

  21. rgayer55 says:

    I agree. Nothing will ever be the same.
    We missed you. It’s good to have you back on board.

    Like

  22. draliman says:

    Great piece, a chilling second-last line. I immediately thought of that scene in The Omen (Part 2?).

    Like

  23. jademwong says:

    Oh gosh this chilled me to the core (pun intended). Great story! Heartbreaking but well written.

    Like

  24. writelindy says:

    Haunting story Sandra. Lovely writing.

    Like

  25. A sad story, but very vivid one.

    Like

  26. Tragic but beautifully told.

    Like

  27. Horrific memory! Real tragedy etched in stark reality!

    Like

  28. plaridel says:

    the kids came to life with your expert storytelling. well done.

    Like

  29. Life Lessons of a Dog Lover says:

    A haunting story.

    Like

  30. Michael Wynn says:

    Chilling in feel and sentiment, nicely told, Sandra

    Like

  31. Sightsnbytes says:

    from someone who once fell through an icy pond, I can certainly relate to this story. Great writing!

    Like

  32. Liz Young says:

    Oh gods! What a jolt at the end, and how tragic.

    Like

  33. hafong says:

    Everybody has said it all, Sandra!

    Lily

    Like

  34. Amy Reese says:

    I don’t see how that sad and disturbing image could leave anyone. I guess everything is not going to be alright. Nice one, Sandra. Hope your move isn’t too stressful!

    Like

  35. Wow, I am in awe. I too have been away, I too have moved houses across state lines, I too dashed off a quick flash of fiction – if only I could have a glimmer of your craft. Brava.

    Like

  36. Very tense and then heartbreaking. I’m picturing poor Emily’s face, too.

    Like

  37. Such a sad and shocking end to this story. well written as always Sandra

    Like

  38. Geez..I saw that in my minds eye!

    Like

  39. gahlearner says:

    A sad story, and complete with the title, it gets heartbreaking. Great writing as always, Sandra.

    Like

  40. Welcome back, Sandra. A tragic story that paints a powerful picture. Great writing. —- Suzanne

    Like

I'd love to hear your views; it reassures me I'm not talking to myself.

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