Copyright C E Ayr
“Lie flat, Jess!”
Emily was crawling across the ice towards me, as men scrambled from the nearby factory, carrying ladders and ropes.
Glancing down, I saw the ice darkening around me, the splintering becoming louder.
“Hurry, Emily!”
“I’m coming. Everything will be all right.”
A crack, a shriek… a splash. Then silence.
Seconds later a rusty ladder jabbed against my arm, and I was dragged across the ice towards safety.
But I’d be forever haunted by the memory of Emily’s face pressed up against the ice beneath me, her gaze holding mine.
And nothing would ever be right again.
Apologies for my absence – I expect to be on an even keel by this time next week and able to focus on writing again. So this is a rather hurried attempt to keep in the swing of matters other than those associated with moving house. The story was inspired by the headline across the factory in the background, something I didn’t see at first glance. Great photo CE, and thanks to Rochelle for enabling my participation this week.
castelsarrasin 
Drama, pathos, and a story that projects beyond the wordcount. It may have been hurried, Sandra, but it’s perfect
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Thank you, Neil. Glad you liked it.
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Dear Sandra,
It’s so good to see your face among, as Russell calls it, the Hollywood Squares.
No one dashes off a story as effectively as you, my dear. Dark and troubling. Nothing would be the same after that. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks Rochelle, glad you liked it. And so pleased to be up there on the boards again this week. 🙂
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I long ago ran out of superlatives for your writing, Sandra, and this story stands with the best of what you do.
In 100 words we care about two children, and weep for both at the end.
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Thanks CE. 🙂 It was hard to pare this one down this week, so I’m glad it worked for you.
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Wonderful. Such a startling image – the face under the ice. I didn’t see the words on the building at all
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Nor did I, Claire, to begin with. Such a strange thing to have as a banner across your building. Thanks for reading.
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A haunting piece Sandra. A great read.
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Thanks Mike. 🙂
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A heart rending story. I was missing your stories dear.
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Aww, thanks Indira. I missed being here too.
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Great story. Reminds me a bit of a Stephen King short called The Last Rung on the Ladder.
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Haven’t come across that story. This one reminded me of Little Women. 🙂
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Chilling story. And well written.
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Thank you!
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If this is hurried, keep hurrying! I could visualize Emily’s face beneath the ice and fell Jess’ pain. Haunting indeed!
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Thanks Clare. Glad you liked it.
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Terrifying image, but a great twist, just as I thought everyone was going to be saved! Great writing.
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Thanks Iain.
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A haunting image.
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Thanks, Mike.
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Would that I could “jot off a story in a hurried attempt…” My heart broke for those two girls… beautifully done.
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Sometimes it works, more often it doesn’t. 🙂 Thanks for reading.
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Pffft… So YOU say… we, the readers, all disagree! 😉
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What a chilling, moving tale, Sandra. What a dreadful thing, to be so close to your drowning friend and remain helpless to save them. Truly a horrific thought. A brilliant tale with not a single trace of ‘rushedness’ about it 🙂 Hope the move’s going well
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Glad you enjoyed it Lynn. Yes, the move has been a bit of a trauma, but the end of the tunnel is in sight now. 🙂
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That’s why it’s up there with the most traumatic events in your life! Glad you can see the end now – so nice to get to the ‘unpacking boxes’ stage, getting everything straight.
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Had me fooled. I thought Emily was the one coming to the rescue, not the one being rescued. Subtly done 🙂
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Ah! Not sure how you got to that Paul. I hadn’t been able to make my mind up who died when I started the story, but in editing a different story emerged. Not to worry!
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You never create anything less than brilliant. Good luck with the move.
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Thanks Louise, on both counts. 🙂
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Sandra, this is startling at the end. So well done.We had several young men die beneath the ice covering the lake down the street from us. I always wondered about that “looking up through the ice” thing,
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Thanks for reading Alicia. Yes, the “under the ice” is one of my recurring nightmares. 😦
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P.S. Glad to see you back!
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A good story stays with you! This one will be still in my mind later on when I will prepare our dinner. Great writing and great story telling.
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Thank you. And I hope you enjoyed your dinner. 🙂
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I always do 🙂
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Another fine Crook Story. Good eye, I saw the Asian building and looked no further. And, I too, am returning after a long absence. I hope you will be off the keel and back on top, where you belong.
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Wait a minute… ‘moving houses’??? Your ‘house’ always moved. Are you on dry land now or just in a different ‘house’.
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We’ve been more or less on dry land most of this year, but hope to return to the water more often next year. We sold up in Cambridgeshire and have moved down to the south coast… over a period of six months.
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It’s so good to see you back on here again, Ted. And thank you!
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What a haunting sadness, the image of a face beneath the ice is something that nightmares are made off… and what guilt she must have felt for Emily drowning
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Yes, the title was meant to indicate why things would never be right again. Thanks for reading, Bjorn.
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I agree. Nothing will ever be the same.
We missed you. It’s good to have you back on board.
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Thanks Russell. Good to be back. 🙂
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Great piece, a chilling second-last line. I immediately thought of that scene in The Omen (Part 2?).
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I didn’t see Part 2. Part 1 more or less finished me off. 🙂 Thanks for reading.
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Oh gosh this chilled me to the core (pun intended). Great story! Heartbreaking but well written.
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Thank you! 🙂
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Haunting story Sandra. Lovely writing.
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Many thanks. 🙂
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A sad story, but very vivid one.
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Thank you!
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Tragic but beautifully told.
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Thank you!
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Horrific memory!
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Horrific memory! Real tragedy etched in stark reality!
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Yes, not something you’d ever forget, I should imagine. Thanks for reading.
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Yes which is the tragedy😢
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Yes and that’s the tragedy😢
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the kids came to life with your expert storytelling. well done.
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A haunting story.
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Chilling in feel and sentiment, nicely told, Sandra
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from someone who once fell through an icy pond, I can certainly relate to this story. Great writing!
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Oh gods! What a jolt at the end, and how tragic.
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Breathtaking! Wow.
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Everybody has said it all, Sandra!
Lily
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I don’t see how that sad and disturbing image could leave anyone. I guess everything is not going to be alright. Nice one, Sandra. Hope your move isn’t too stressful!
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Wow, I am in awe. I too have been away, I too have moved houses across state lines, I too dashed off a quick flash of fiction – if only I could have a glimmer of your craft. Brava.
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Very tense and then heartbreaking. I’m picturing poor Emily’s face, too.
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Such a sad and shocking end to this story. well written as always Sandra
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Geez..I saw that in my minds eye!
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A sad story, and complete with the title, it gets heartbreaking. Great writing as always, Sandra.
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Welcome back, Sandra. A tragic story that paints a powerful picture. Great writing. —- Suzanne
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