“Lie flat, Jess!”
Emily was crawling across the ice towards me, as men scrambled from the nearby factory, carrying ladders and ropes.
Glancing down, I saw the ice darkening around me, the splintering becoming louder.
“Hurry, Emily!”
“I’m coming. Everything will be all right.”
A crack, a shriek… a splash. Then silence.
Seconds later a rusty ladder jabbed against my arm, and I was dragged across the ice towards safety.
But I’d be forever haunted by the memory of Emily’s face pressed up against the ice beneath me, her gaze holding mine.
And nothing would ever be right again.
Apologies for my absence – I expect to be on an even keel by this time next week and able to focus on writing again. So this is a rather hurried attempt to keep in the swing of matters other than those associated with moving house. The story was inspired by the headline across the factory in the background, something I didn’t see at first glance. Great photo CE, and thanks to Rochelle for enabling my participation this week.
Drama, pathos, and a story that projects beyond the wordcount. It may have been hurried, Sandra, but it’s perfect
LikeLike
Thank you, Neil. Glad you liked it.
LikeLike
Dear Sandra,
It’s so good to see your face among, as Russell calls it, the Hollywood Squares.
No one dashes off a story as effectively as you, my dear. Dark and troubling. Nothing would be the same after that. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLike
Thanks Rochelle, glad you liked it. And so pleased to be up there on the boards again this week. 🙂
LikeLike
I long ago ran out of superlatives for your writing, Sandra, and this story stands with the best of what you do.
In 100 words we care about two children, and weep for both at the end.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks CE. 🙂 It was hard to pare this one down this week, so I’m glad it worked for you.
LikeLike
Wonderful. Such a startling image – the face under the ice. I didn’t see the words on the building at all
LikeLike
Nor did I, Claire, to begin with. Such a strange thing to have as a banner across your building. Thanks for reading.
LikeLiked by 1 person
A haunting piece Sandra. A great read.
LikeLike
Thanks Mike. 🙂
LikeLike
A heart rending story. I was missing your stories dear.
LikeLike
Aww, thanks Indira. I missed being here too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great story. Reminds me a bit of a Stephen King short called The Last Rung on the Ladder.
LikeLike
Haven’t come across that story. This one reminded me of Little Women. 🙂
LikeLike
Chilling story. And well written.
LikeLike
Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
If this is hurried, keep hurrying! I could visualize Emily’s face beneath the ice and fell Jess’ pain. Haunting indeed!
LikeLike
Thanks Clare. Glad you liked it.
LikeLike
Terrifying image, but a great twist, just as I thought everyone was going to be saved! Great writing.
LikeLike
Thanks Iain.
LikeLiked by 1 person
A haunting image.
LikeLike
Thanks, Mike.
LikeLike
Would that I could “jot off a story in a hurried attempt…” My heart broke for those two girls… beautifully done.
LikeLike
Sometimes it works, more often it doesn’t. 🙂 Thanks for reading.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pffft… So YOU say… we, the readers, all disagree! 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a chilling, moving tale, Sandra. What a dreadful thing, to be so close to your drowning friend and remain helpless to save them. Truly a horrific thought. A brilliant tale with not a single trace of ‘rushedness’ about it 🙂 Hope the move’s going well
LikeLike
Glad you enjoyed it Lynn. Yes, the move has been a bit of a trauma, but the end of the tunnel is in sight now. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s why it’s up there with the most traumatic events in your life! Glad you can see the end now – so nice to get to the ‘unpacking boxes’ stage, getting everything straight.
LikeLike
Had me fooled. I thought Emily was the one coming to the rescue, not the one being rescued. Subtly done 🙂
LikeLike
Ah! Not sure how you got to that Paul. I hadn’t been able to make my mind up who died when I started the story, but in editing a different story emerged. Not to worry!
LikeLike
You never create anything less than brilliant. Good luck with the move.
LikeLike
Thanks Louise, on both counts. 🙂
LikeLike
Sandra, this is startling at the end. So well done.We had several young men die beneath the ice covering the lake down the street from us. I always wondered about that “looking up through the ice” thing,
LikeLike
Thanks for reading Alicia. Yes, the “under the ice” is one of my recurring nightmares. 😦
LikeLiked by 1 person
P.S. Glad to see you back!
LikeLiked by 1 person
A good story stays with you! This one will be still in my mind later on when I will prepare our dinner. Great writing and great story telling.
LikeLike
Thank you. And I hope you enjoyed your dinner. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I always do 🙂
LikeLike
Another fine Crook Story. Good eye, I saw the Asian building and looked no further. And, I too, am returning after a long absence. I hope you will be off the keel and back on top, where you belong.
LikeLike
Wait a minute… ‘moving houses’??? Your ‘house’ always moved. Are you on dry land now or just in a different ‘house’.
LikeLike
We’ve been more or less on dry land most of this year, but hope to return to the water more often next year. We sold up in Cambridgeshire and have moved down to the south coast… over a period of six months.
LikeLike
It’s so good to see you back on here again, Ted. And thank you!
LikeLike
What a haunting sadness, the image of a face beneath the ice is something that nightmares are made off… and what guilt she must have felt for Emily drowning
LikeLike
Yes, the title was meant to indicate why things would never be right again. Thanks for reading, Bjorn.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree. Nothing will ever be the same.
We missed you. It’s good to have you back on board.
LikeLike
Thanks Russell. Good to be back. 🙂
LikeLike
Great piece, a chilling second-last line. I immediately thought of that scene in The Omen (Part 2?).
LikeLike
I didn’t see Part 2. Part 1 more or less finished me off. 🙂 Thanks for reading.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh gosh this chilled me to the core (pun intended). Great story! Heartbreaking but well written.
LikeLike
Thank you! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haunting story Sandra. Lovely writing.
LikeLike
Many thanks. 🙂
LikeLike
A sad story, but very vivid one.
LikeLike
Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Tragic but beautifully told.
LikeLike
Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Horrific memory!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Horrific memory! Real tragedy etched in stark reality!
LikeLike
Yes, not something you’d ever forget, I should imagine. Thanks for reading.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes which is the tragedy😢
LikeLike
Yes and that’s the tragedy😢
LikeLike
the kids came to life with your expert storytelling. well done.
LikeLike
A haunting story.
LikeLike
Chilling in feel and sentiment, nicely told, Sandra
LikeLike
from someone who once fell through an icy pond, I can certainly relate to this story. Great writing!
LikeLike
Oh gods! What a jolt at the end, and how tragic.
LikeLike
Breathtaking! Wow.
LikeLike
Everybody has said it all, Sandra!
Lily
LikeLike
I don’t see how that sad and disturbing image could leave anyone. I guess everything is not going to be alright. Nice one, Sandra. Hope your move isn’t too stressful!
LikeLike
Wow, I am in awe. I too have been away, I too have moved houses across state lines, I too dashed off a quick flash of fiction – if only I could have a glimmer of your craft. Brava.
LikeLike
Very tense and then heartbreaking. I’m picturing poor Emily’s face, too.
LikeLike
Such a sad and shocking end to this story. well written as always Sandra
LikeLike
Geez..I saw that in my minds eye!
LikeLike
A sad story, and complete with the title, it gets heartbreaking. Great writing as always, Sandra.
LikeLike
Welcome back, Sandra. A tragic story that paints a powerful picture. Great writing. —- Suzanne
LikeLike