Copyright C E Ayr
“It was awful, Mum.”
I hold her tight, and the sobbing slowly subsides.
My heart aches for her, but I’ve seethed as she’s preened, teased and tantalised; I’ve brooded as she’s experimented, testing the boundaries, flexing her burgeoning sexuality.
The man I loved should have known better, of course.
Harry’s gone now – out of our lives – shamed, embarrassed, apologetic and denying devious intent.
“Your daughter’s a drama queen,” he’d protested, “don’t let her destroy us.”
But I couldn’t take that chance.
Robbie, my youngest, watches uncertainly from the kitchen door.
“Is it just us again now, Mum?”
“Just us, son.”
I haven’t recommenced writing new work yet, but I have started editing and resubmitting some old work so I’m feeling brighter again. Rochelle, star not only of Friday Fictioneers, but also stage, screen and radio… (well, radio – I’m sure the others will come in due course) has been spreading the word about her work. Catch it if you can, she comes across as one smart, sassy lady.
castelsarrasin 
I love this, The depth of the story is in the gaps
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I’ve always believed that what isn’t said should speak as loudly as what is. 🙂 Thanks for reading.
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A lot behind the words written for the imagination to work with about the evil harm that has been done. At least he has gone now. Great effort Sandra.
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Thanks Iain. 🙂
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Very deep and complex story, it left me feeling quite emotional.
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That’s a really nice comment. Thank you!
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Dear Sandra,
As has been said, there’s a lot of story here between the lines. Thankfully, Mum has made the right choice. Well done. Thank you for the shout out re my interview and the including the link.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks Rochelle. 🙂 Glad you liked it.
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This is brilliant. Such a prick trial and 100 words. One of your best.
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Thanks Louise! 🙂
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Lots of tension in this piece.
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A great piece of writing. I loved where you took this. Mike
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Thanks Mike. 🙂
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Powerful family drama, as expertly produced as ever.
Marvellous.
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PS Love the title
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Thanks CE. Glad you liked it.
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So many things to think about in this. Yes, she’s made the right choice, but, something in her son’s line makes me wonder whether the scenario won’t just play out again and again.
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As the author, I feel I ought to have a plan and a motive for all of my characters, but as you’ll know, they do what they want. I wonder whether the boy isn’t secretly pleased. Thanks for reading.
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Interesting. You could take it that way. Hmmm.
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Yes, that’s something I thought about, too. There’s an irony to that last line.
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A great tale, Sandra – love how you’ve added depth to the mother, giving her a disapproving tone, slightly less sympathetic than you’d assume. So real. As always, beautifully written
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Thanks Lynn, glad you liked it.
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My pleasure 🙂
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This was absolutely brilliant. Yes, so much story in the untold part. And so much in the told…
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It seemed to me that each of the characters had an axe to grind in this story. 🙂 Thanks for your comment, Dale.
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So well done. The chosen words, the tone, the implications all leads the reader to fill in the complete story, You are truly a master at the craft.
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Aww, thanks! 🙂 Glad you liked it.
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This is very powerful and for the reasons you mention, the things unsaid. The little boy’s question at the end is perfect and just how it would happen
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Thanks Michael. Glad it rang true for you. 🙂
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Such a lot said in so few words, skillfully done 🙂
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Thanks, Helen. 🙂
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The things that happen in front of closed doors are but a tease of the horrors behind the door.
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So true.
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I think sometimes you simply have to chose…and as mother there is no other choice to be made…I really love her doubt, that still makes her resolute.
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A true dilema but I think many mothers would take the same route. I hope so, anyway.
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Astute insight into an awful situation. So much said in so few words!
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Thanks Clare, glad it worked for you.
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The tip of the iceberg. That’s what a good story is all about. So much unsaid. You are a delight.
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What a nice comment! Thank you.
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“Don’t let her destroy us,” makes me wonder about what really happened. Very well written, now I am left with my thoughts.
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It’s always rewarding when a story sticks with your reader. Thanks for commenting.
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Behind closed doors…
Thank goodness the doors were finally flung open
My story is called Sally’s Secret
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Better out than in. Or was it?
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the father could be more understanding. well done.
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Wow, wow and WOW! Sandra, you out did yourself. It’s story on story on story. You also hit the nail on the head when you said, “I’ve always believed that what isn’t said should speak as loudly as what is.” This is how screenwriters do it. It’s better to let it speak for itself.
BRAVO!!! Ten out of five perplexities.
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Thanks Kent! 🙂 It’s a difficult balance, leaving the unsaid to fill in the gaps. Sometimes it works, but more often than not it leaves the reader er… perplexed. 🙂 I know that from experience.
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Fine. Whatever works. You do it very effectively.
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I don’t know if it is the first person point of view that makes it so personal in this case, but there is always such an authenticity to all of your characters I am always impressed by what you manage to conjure both in your prose and in the imagery that they invoke. Beautiful writing. 🙂
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Interesting observation about POV jwd. Sometimes when a story isn’t working out, I’ll change the point of view and it often resolves the block. The first person POV also has, I’ve found, a particular advantage in a three-person, one hundred word story, which is that you don’t waste words on dialogue-tagging or clarifying who said what. There’s simply I, he and she and generally it’s obvious from the speech content which of the other two characters is speaking. Thanks for reading and commenting, I’m so glad it worked for you.
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At the end of the day, a mother will always draw her family close, warts and all.
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It’s what mothers are there for, I guess. Even when it costs them dearly.
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Chilling to think of what might have happened between the lines, or where mum suspected it might have been going had she let him stay. Nice one!
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Thank you!
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100 words and 4 characters – each more interesting than the other! Loved it – can make for nice long novel 🙂
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I’ll give it some thought. 🙂 Thanks for reading.
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Sandra, very well written with such complexity and layering, especially for 100 words.For me there’s also a tension in the possibility she might’ve let him stay. Her decision isn’t entirely clear cut but I guess she does what she believes is right. You’ve managed to establish the different motives and angles of the different characters very well.
xx Rowena
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Thanks Rowena. This was a story I enjoyed writing.
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Never, ever, take a chance with your children. Excellent!
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Thanks Liz. 🙂
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What more is there to say. I agree with the comments that it is what was not said that add true depth to the story. I love that the Mother seethed at her daughter’s growing sexuality, such a true emotional response. I also love that the Mother did choose to protect her children. I am not sure if the inquiry of “Is it just us again now, Mum?” if hopeful or not. Masterful writing.
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Many thanks, from another dog lover. 🙂
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This made me cringe. You say so much about what they’ve been through in just a few key words. Hope they stay far away from that past!
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what has been left unsaid hits you more than what has been said, great
http://obliqview.blogspot.in/2016/11/the-convict-prompt-ceayr-surprisingly.html
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Maybe Mum should just get a pet next time. Men are a lot of trouble and often laden with baggage.
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Such complex emotions and relationships here. I can relate to the agony of raising daughters, but thankfully not to the agony of the presence of a predatory man in the mix. Wonderfully and convincingly portrayed in this story, as usual.
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Good writing as always, Sandra. Men like that sicken me. They ruin young lives. It’s almost equivalent to physical killing. It kills the spirit. At least that was one mother who acted. —- Suzanne
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