When It’s Over – Sunday Photo Fiction

Copyright Dawn Miller

Copyright Dawn Miller

 

“It’s not you, it’s me.”  Eyes downcast, he shifted the sauce bottle closer to the oil dispenser.

She stared fixedly at the tablecloth.  Her instincts had signaled this moment for weeks, but now it had arrived, she felt detached.  Clinical in fact.

She picked up the pepper pot, placing it beside the salt cellar; she’d be gracious about this.

“People change,” she murmured, “I understand.”

“You’ll always be my soul mate,” he said, earnestly, pressing her fingers to his lips.

Greasy bastard…

“There’s just one thing,” she said, “something I need from you.”

“Just name it, love.”

“Two month’s rent.”

Did I really say that…?

Apparently shocked, he sat back, reaching for his wallet.

“If you’re going to be like that… ”

He slapped eight fifty-pound notes on the tablecloth.

“That do you?” he snapped.

She folded them into her bra.

“You can let me have the other half later, if you like.”

He rose, upsetting the wineglasses.

“Dream on, babe.”

As he left, the waiter approached, handing her a 24-inch pepper mill, with a raised eyebrow.

Her aim, like her instinct, was impeccable.

No good raking over the ashes, she thought later, embracing the waiter by the blazing chiminea.


Sunday Photo Fiction invites 200 word submissions.  You’d think after five years of producing 100 word stories, having double that number to get a story across would present no problem.  Not so.  Yet again, I spent more time editing than actually writing the story.  😦

 

Advertisements

About Sandra

I cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and write fiction and poetry. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
This entry was posted in By the Way ..., Just Sayin' and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to When It’s Over – Sunday Photo Fiction

  1. Dear Sandra,

    I’ve found that writing something longer is as challenging, if not more so, than 100 words. You think you’ll be able to fit in so much more, but think of so much more to say. I’m finding that in Pegman. 😉

    It sounds like this woman is moving on…with the waiter? If I am dense let me know.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      I find I’m comfortable at both 100 and 500, because I’ve had regular outlets for that, but in between those, it’s a whole different ball park, particularly pacing the story. And yes, you got it! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Very well written story 🙂

    Like

  3. Iain Kelly says:

    Quite a heat you can get from that fuel in your chiminea. I suspect it might not be the first time for her… Nice take.

    Like

  4. The Voice says:

    Handled very well on her part. Removal of waste from her life and the addition of, at the very least (I hope) a needed distraction. Enjoyable story, Sandra.

    Like

  5. James says:

    I really think he was quite civil about the whole thing. No reason to bean him. If I were the waiter, I’d be watching my back.

    Like

  6. Sandra, you have your finger on the pulse of human expression. Your dialog was spot-on. Neither party usually walks away from these things looking very noble, and you did a great job capturing that.

    Like

  7. Revenge is sweet. I usually try to write out a single idea or set of actions and then spend a while getting rid of stuff. This one is always challenging because I usually don’t find a lot of inspiration in the photos and 200 words is a weird length.

    Like

  8. Joy Pixley says:

    I’m happy that she’s moving on, but yeah, if I was the waiter I’d keep heavy objects away from her when she’s upset.

    Personally, I find 200 words to be so much easier than 100. It’s increasingly difficult for me to say what I have in mind with only 100. But either way, I always spend more time editing than writing — same with longer short stories and with my novel, too.

    Like

  9. ceayr says:

    Love this, from the chess match with the condiments through the violence to the passion, I laughed along.
    As an aside, I have never counted the words in anything you have written, Sandra, it always comes across as impeccable.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. That meal ended well! A waiter, £400, and a big pepper pot better off! Delightful.

    Click to read my story!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. jellico84 says:

    Ouuuuu, lovely and wicked! Awesome write. I stared and stared at this pic and drew a blank. Love the journey you’ve taken us on, especially the waiter’s peppermill. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Pingback: On a More Practical Note – Friday Fictioneers, March 2017 | castelsarrasin

  13. He shoulda just paid her! 😉

    Like

  14. Spot on! I love it.

    Like

I'd love to hear your views; it reassures me I'm not talking to myself.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s