Copyright What’s His Name’
“Has she done her duty?” enquired my great-aunt.
My grandmother shrugged, not sharing her sister’s preoccupation.
Duty had, in fact, not been done. Nor would it ever, until I was safely ensconced in the welcoming embrace of the avocado-coloured toilet back home.
Transfixed by the neat squares of newspaper skewered on a nail, I had tried to ignore the warmth of the wooden seat beneath me, and all thoughts of whichever ample behind had rendered it thus. Three terraced houses shared this ‘convenience’; the possibilities were endless.
“You’ll be pleased to be going home…” said Gran.
I was positively busting.
Following in the steps of the illustrious leader of Friday Fictioneers, a memoir of slightly more horrifying aspect.
castelsarrasin 
ha ha ha – excellent!
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Thank you! I loved yours this week.
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Good one 😄
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Thanks Hester! 🙂
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‘Three terraced houses…’ ha,ha. Brings lots of memories.Good one.
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My gran actually lived in what was called a ‘court’. Must have been about 12 tiny two up, two down houses surrounding a block of 4 toilets. 😦
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Once it was one for six for sometime. Hard times dear.
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My tummy too had the knack of clamming up in strange loos ☹
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I know the feeling.
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well done! I remember “the neat squares of newspaper skewered on a nail” from the house I grew up in the 1960s (outside loo as well).
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🙂
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Love this. You really capture the horror. I was that way when I was a kid for sure.
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Some of us never grew out of it. 😦
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Dear Sandra,
One year my son went to scout camp and avoided…er…um…voiding for a week because he didn’t like the outdoor loos. Your story brought that all back. This made me smile and then made me laugh. I’m all for creature comforts and indoor plumbing.
Shalom
Rochelle
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Me too. And a toilet for every bedroom. Thanks for reading Rochelle.
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Eek! Loved it!
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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What a toil. Lets hope she has better luck at home!
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Certain of it.
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Hahhahhha.
So wonderfully written, Sandra. Loved it.
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Thanks, Moon.
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A tale of true grit, Sandra
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Thanks, Neil.
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I bet.
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There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home…
I, like your heroine, was more “at ease” in my own commode… a situation inherited from my mother. I, thankfully, outgrew it, but my mother has not still…
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Nor did I. 😦
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I’m ok if I have the room (adjoining to said WC) to myself 😉
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Excruciatingly well done.
Reminds me of when I was a boy programmer in a famous Glasgow carpet factory. The graffiti said ‘A swinging chain means a hot seat’.
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That sounds quite mild for Glasgee. 😉 Thanks for reading, CE.
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I remember my great grandma had a cover from the candy box nailed to the wall, like a painting. I was always fascinated by that.
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🙂
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“… the warmth of the wooden seat beneath me, and all thoughts of whichever ample behind had rendered it thus ” There’s a phrase to reinforce my anxieties about using public toilets! A great story, Sandra.
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I can only imagine… 🙂
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Who would have thought an outdoor toilet could produce such eloquence! This is great 😃
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I take my inspiration where I can find it, Anna… 😉
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Ha! Nicely done Sandra. I often wonder how people got on sharing like that – what if your neighbours were unwashed, filthy devils. The thought of what might be lurking … Vividly written
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Don’t get me started… 🙂
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🙂
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How did you know the toliet in the photo was avacado? I can’t remember where Connie picked it up, or what her plans are for it, but the tub in the background is avacado too.
When it’s ten degrees outside, you’ll appreciate that someone warmed the wood before you got there. 🙂
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I will NEVER appreciate a warm toilet seat. Ever.
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Funnily enough, I had problems with a warm toilet seat in Japan. It was immaculately clean, and electrically heated. When you sat on it, a trickle of water started to tinkle into the bowl. It was the most off-putting toilet I’ve ever used! And the instructions were in Japanese…
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Haha, that horrible feeling when you walk into a loo that has clearly just been used… Wonderfully funny Sandra.
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Tell me about it… 😦
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Excellent! One of the best I have read so far! I love puns and word play.
Mine: https://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2017/11/29/friday-fictioneers-a-memory-a-fear-glad-i-am-older/
Scott
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Two up and two down. Terraced houses. The gasworks. What memories
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Indeed.
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Ow! What a description! “Transfixed by the neat squares of newspaper skewered on a nail” No wonder granddaughter was constipated!
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Small wonder. 🙂
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Ha loved this. It rings true.
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this reminds me a of story about a filipina who brought her new american husband to the philippines. when he told her he had to take of business, she gave her a newspaper.
“it’s too dark there,” he said. “how do you expect me to read?.”
finally, it dawned on him that it was for a different purpose. 🙂
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Oh! What a fun take on the prompt. I worked with a woman who wouldn’t use the toilet if anyone else was in the building. Eight hours in a dental office without using the facilities makes for a very long day ~ I would assume.
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Not to mention some medical problems stored up for the future. 😦
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Loved this, Sandra. You writings are always beautiful.
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Thank you Neel. 🙂
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The potty withhold, I have been there. Love your take on the prompt.
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🙂
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Ha ha ha ha ha. I used to feel like that when we went to my granny’s home during summer vacations. They had a really old loo, and water had to be filled in a bucket and taken inside.
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Lovely!
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Ha! I like the apostrophes – truly an inconvenient “convenience”!
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Couldn’t be less convenient… 😦
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Our house in Arkansas had a green toilet too – each bathroom a different theme and color. Cute and Cute story! Clever too!
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We just moved to one that had a primrose suite. It’s now pristine white. 😉
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I had an aunt with a double toilet in the garden which had a long toilet with two holes in the lid! Also, my local pub has outdoor loos because it’s a 500-year-old isted building and they are not allowed to change bring them indoors. Nice one Sandra.
Click to read my FriFic!
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I remember one at our local park like that. Never sure why there were two holes though.
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This rings so true! Staying with my godmother, I wasn’t allowed to lock the bathroom door. I am still paranoid about locking toilet doors now.
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I can imagine!
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I can feel the pain of holding on. Lucky she is young and doesn’t have shot pelvic floor muscles.
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Time will tell. 🙂
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Puts me in mind of the outhouse visits I used to dread when visiting my Colorado grandparents. One year, they finally had a bathroom installed INSIDE the house!!
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I can sympathise.
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Happens. I often do the same. Nothing like home to let go!
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Indeed. 🙂
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😊
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I remember an aunt of mine having an outdoor toilet with a long wooden seat with two holes in it! My local pub has outdoor loos because it’s a 500-year-old listed building and they are not allowed to bring them inside! I have a lovely bathroom, indoors.
Click to read my FriFic!
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The very best kind…
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super!
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Hilarious but entirely possible. I’ve used an outside “convenience” at state parks in the 1950’s but not with squares of newspaper on a nail. Good writing as always, Sandra. 😀 — Suzanne
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Thank you Suzanne. 🙂
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Not sure a warm seat would get me performing either… good write.
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Nor me…
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Hahahahaha a great story filled with humor! What is it about grandparents bathrooms being creepy, weird or interesting!
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LOL
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Ha… I can sympathize with this, but a good outhouse has its advantages too.
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I’ll take your word for that…
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How fortunate we are to have indoor plumbing! A funny, yet horrifying story.
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I particularly liked “My grandmother shrugged, not sharing her sister’s preoccupation.”
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