With my mother leading, we struggled up the dunes to the car park, half-empty hampers bumping at our heels.
I studied the great white slabs of my mother’s calves, lightly blue-threaded, as we approached the car where Father was already waiting, drumming angry fingers on the steering-wheel.
Close by, a large seagull was attacking a smaller bird for a crust. After feeble resistance, the smaller bird abandoned the crust, as if this would stop the onslaught and inevitable finale.
It didn’t.
Nor would curtailing our day on the beach.
I resolved at that moment – this will not be my life.
Sitting here listening to rain pattering steadily on the conservatory roof. The first, it seems, in weeks. And now back to cooler weather. Thanks to Rochelle for leading the Friday Fictioneers. Stay safe.
Absolutely wonderful, Sandra. The atmosphere, the description, the parallel between gulls and humans. A masterclass in how to do flash fiction
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Thanks a lot, Neil. You’re very kind.
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Every week I read your 100 words in admiration and awe.
You say so much in so little, and leave just enough unsaid, and whole lives are laid bare.
As Neil says, a masterclass, by a master writer.
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Many thanks, CE. I appreciate your comments.
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Ugh domestic abuse is never fun (it’s not all violence). I liked the tie in with the birds.
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Adults should never underestimate the perception of children as they go about their squabbling. Thanks for reading.
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Absolutely, it’s amazing what they pick up.
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Fantastic! A master of your craft.
I found “I studied the great white slabs of my mother’s calves, lightly blue-threaded,” extremely emotive!
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I even felt sorry for the poor mother as I wrote that. 🙂 Many thanks for your comment, I appreciate it.
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The angry fingers drumming says so much about what has happened and what will happen later. Fabulous story, in a grim and foreboding way.
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Many thanks, Iain. Glad you liked it.
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Dear Sandra,
The description of her mother’s legs is magnificent and makes me want to wear long skirts and pants. (Hard to swim that way, though). Father’s angry fingers drumming the wheel had an all too familiar ring. All in all, you’ve put this reader in the scene. I’m going to go shake the sand out of my suit now. Brilliant.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Sand in your suit… how I remember that. Lovely to look at, tolerable to walk through in bare feet, but when wet… ugh! Thanks for commenting.
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I must stay clear of this particular beach, it sounds rather dangerous😉
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Thanks for reading, Mike.
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I could feel the tension that child is under in the juxtapostition of bird altercations with her family. Well done.
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Children take on board far more than adults think they do. And with no experience against which to measure what they hear and see… 😦 Thanks for reading.
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How do you do it? So much said in so few words. Outstanding Sandra.
*Grey clouds approaching, the beach deserted; what a difference a day makes!
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Thanks Keith. We had virtually a day of rain – it was so welcome. And now it’s manageably cooler in Dorset.
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Amazing atmosphere, mood, everything. I actually could see it happening. Kind of reminds me of our Fourth of July picnics at my aunt and uncles’ farm. Dad was always impatient to get home (it’s a two-hour drive), although, not quite enough for me to say it wouldn’t be my life. And THEN, you go and tack on that ending … superb!
Five out of five dry crusts of bread “in peace and quiet instead of a house full of feasting and strife.” Lesson learned from the seagull, probably, too.
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🙂 Thanks for those dry crusts of bread. I shall savour them.
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You betcha. 😉
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You truly are a master of the genre, Sandra. You tell such a huge tale in one hundred words; the descriptions vivid and the comparisons between the birds and humans. Very powerful story.
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Thanks for your lovely comment, Dale.
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😊
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Brilliantly done and always so quick! I bow down to your supreme writing ability!
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Thanks for a lovely comment.
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Very, very good indeed, Sandra. So good, that you have me hoping it’s not autobiographical (Please tell me it isn’t!)
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Well you know what they say… ‘write what you know’ 😉 Thanks for reading, Penny.
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family should make one feel safe and protected, but sometimes it’s not the case. that’s sad.
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That’s so true. Thanks for reading.
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You gave us the whole picture in so few words. Well done.
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Many thanks, Linda.
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A story where one family is to the beach first and back to the car first while the rest are lugging tells me all I need to know. Great story that fills in the details.
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Many thanks for reading.
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You’re welcome, Sandra.
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A life described in 100 words. Too good!
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Thanks a lot. Glad you liked it.
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Your poor child has a miserable life, despite her mother’s attempts to lighten it with picnics.
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She will probably emerge the stronger for it. At the expense of a childhood perhaps.
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So much darkness going on behind the scenes.
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Thanks for reading.
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I found this an emotionally charged story and was absorbed by the character’s observations and comparisons – an uplifting end with willingness to escape and change.
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Thanks for your comment James. Glad you enjoyed it.
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I’m reading Neil’s comment, and taking notes! You had me at the ‘white slabs of calves’. Right away I could picture the woman. And the fear and terror they must live under.
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Thanks for your lovely comment, Fatima.
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Brilliant, Sandra. I loced the llightly blue threaded legs. It told us everything we needed to know about the size and probable age of the narrator.
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Thanks Michael. 🙂
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Your description here is brilliant. I was also taken with the description of the mother’s legs. All the while the real story is bubbling beneath the picture you’ve so vividly painted. Masterfully done.
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Many thanks, I appreciate your comment.
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I really like the way you have constructed the story,not a word wasted. The details convey so much meaning. I like the ‘great white slabs of my mother’s calves’, and the angry drumming of my father’s fingers. A treat to read.
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Many thanks 🙂
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Truely a masterclass in flash fiction. Descriptions bringing the story to life and so much to read between the lines.
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Aww, thank you. Glad you liked it.
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I love the details in the this.. the blue veins and the drumming fingers on the wheel told such of such dreary… wonderful storytelling.
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Thanks, Bjorn. Hope all is well with you.
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Dear Sandra,
I have it on good authority that the wishing well at Upwey is being replenished by your rain.
As for your story? It replenishes me with the joy of reading the work of a writer who, by virtue of her skill with one hundred words, adds thousands to the tale in the mind of her readers.
Well done.
Stay safe and out of the news, please.
Love,
Doug
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Thanks for your lovely comment, Doug. And I’m so glad that you are safe in your adopted country. I’ve enjoyed reading your words again.
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Great story, Sandra. Every week your work stands out as literature in 100 words. I loved it.
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Thanks David. That’s a lovely comment.
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You weave such breathtakingly beautiful stories.. Your writing is simply gorgeous
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Thank you so much.
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Funny how our parents set an example for us.
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Yes, examples work in two ways don’t they? Some parents boast they stay together ‘for the sake of the kids’. In reality of course, the best thing they could have done ‘for the sake of the kids’ would have been to go their separate ways. Kids see that. I saw that.
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This is so good. I know those drumming fingers.
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This was a wonderful story. Your words were so good at conveying images. Thanks for posting this piece.
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Thanks for reading, Geri.
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