Photo Copyright Joey Csuno
“Hiya Sis, whatcha got in your pouch, then?” probably wasn’t the best opening gambit on meeting your girl-friend’s family.
Once my sister-in-law’s tears had been dried, and reassurances rendered to the effect of “you look so much younger with that extra bit of weight on”, Stella had rejoined the gathering on the lawn.
“Awww sorry, Sheila, I just thought you were pregnant, you know… I didn’t mean…”
“It’s Stella” said my brother icily.
“I’m sure it is,” said Barry, helpfully, “if you don’t want kids. For me it’d be pretty stellar if I’d a dozen of ‘em.”
I filed that away for later reflection.
“I heard you lost your job, mate?” Barry said to my father who nodded curtly.
“Yeah, nah” said Barry, “that’s what you get for being the tallest poppy in the field…” My father abruptly returned to his shed.
Barry rummaged in his rucksack.
“You wanna try one of these tinnies?” he said generously, pulling some cans from his rucksack. “Or maybe it’s a bit early in the avo for you, hey?”
My brother bristled, bringing glasses from the kitchen.
“What is it?”
“Lager, matey, Fosters… what else?”
My brother raised the glass to the light, sipped cautiously, swilling it around like a real dork.
“I knew you Aussie’s were always taking the piss out of us Brits” he said finally, “but I didn’t know you were bottling it and sending it back to us.”
I sighed.
Three down for the whingeing poms then.
I had to look up the Aussie slang for this piece, but the punchline came from a steely encounter between two work colleagues, both vying for the title of offie Lothario, many years ago. To read other 250 word posts on the topic of Australia, click here, and to find out how to join, click here.
castelsarrasin 
Very good…
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Thanks, Sue.
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You had me grinning with the first sentence and it just got better and better! Good on ya!
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Thanks for reading, Keith.
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Our Antipodean chums do have a somewhat direct approach, don’t they!
Made me grin, Sandra.
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The greatest fun at a party, I’ve found. Love ’em! Thanks for reading.
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Written like a true Aussie. “I knew you Aussie’s were always taking the piss out of us Brits” he said finally, “but I didn’t know you were bottling it and sending it back to us.” That bit had me nearly falling off my chair laughing. Barry’s surname wouldn’t be McKenzie would it, by any chance? https://youtu.be/IiLyKEYOOJQ
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My inspiration for the piece. You nailed me. Thanks for reading, Doug.
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It was a pleasure. 🙂
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I bow to your rising to the full challenge, Sandra, and looking up the Aussie slang. I could ‘hear’ the accent as I read. (And I liked the wee ‘Sheila’ tucked in there!)
Still smiling at the tale.
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Actually as I was reading the article I realised that a lot of the words and phrases have been in our family’s dialogue for years. Now wondering why that is… Thanks for reading, Jenne.
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Sounds as though there’s a story right there, Sandra,
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Gosh I am glad I don’t talk like that and have lived in Australia all my life. But there are plenty that do
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I love listening to Australians… and South Africans. There’s some similarity. Thanks for reading.
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I cannot hear any similarity between Sth African and Australians so it is interesting that to can hear that. Personally, I ‘d rather hear the European accents. In the southern hemisphere we tend to have a nasal twang.
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I’m with you on that, I can spot a South African/Zimbabwean accent a mile off. And, thankfully, we don’t all have that nasal twang, as I’m sure you don’t. 🙂
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It is easy to spot that distinctive, slightly hard accent. A lot of South Africans have immigrated here recently, many of them are Vets and Radiographers. There’s a lot of bogan accents though.😉😉😁
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I loved the joke about the lager. Spot on
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Yeah I’m not a Foster’s freak. Italian and Belgian beers for me. Thanks for reading and commenting, Neil.
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This is an extract from a piece I wrote about my first visit to London on business many years ago,
“It turns out my room won’t be available until late afternoon so I go for a walk in search of lunch, preferably with a pub attached. I find just such a pub, with a beer garden overlooking the Thames and breast the bar. I ask the barman for a beer and, hearing my Australian accent, he presumes I’d like a Fosters. I tell him I haven’t travelled half-way around the world to drink our world-famous cat’s piss and would he be so kind as to educate me in the ways of English beers. He points out that they have forty beers on tap and another hundred brands of bottled beer. I tell him to start with A and we’ll see how far I get after I’ve finished my fish and chips.”
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(Don’t tell cyear I used it here but), lol
Actually I enjoy a story with such an unabashedly obnoxious character as Barry. Writing such characters has, at least in my experience, been more difficult than ‘it looks’.
Just enough brash insensitivity to get the Reader’s attention, but not so much that stop reading.
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Thanks for reading. Glad it made you lol. 🙂
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This was wonderful, Sandra. I could so easily picture and hear him (though I did look at the Barry McKenzie clip and he is not my image of an Australian!)
It took me a couple reads to realise it was the girlfriend narrating but that’s on me 😉
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Fun wordplay 😀
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