Pursuit (Friday Fictioneers, May 2012)

This week’s picture prompt from Madison Woods’ Friday Fictioneers was a rainbow, or to be more precise, if you look closely, two rainbows.  I thought it would be easy to come up with a 100 word flash for this, but I struggled.  Rainbows seem to evoke sentiment; and I don’t do sentiment well without feeling extremely uncomfortable.  Sinister and funny is more my bag.  So this week, I ended up with … irony.  (I think)

 Pursuit

“Hi Jeanie, how’s it going?”

“Fine.  You?”

“Terrific.  Looks like I might have a contract lined up.”

“Yeah?”

“Right – guy saw me perform, left a number for me to ring.”

“Terrific.  When are you coming home, honey?”

“Soon Jeanie, I’m on the verge of a breakthrough now, I can feel it.”

“That’s great.”

“Can I have a word with Susie?”

“Sure.  Love you.”

“Love you too Jeanie, talk to you again.”

“Hi Daddy!”

“Hi baby, missing you lots.”

“Me too.  Did you catch any, Daddy?”

“Any what, honey?”

“Rainbows… Mummy said that’s what you were chasing.”

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About Sandra

I cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and write fiction and poetry. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
This entry was posted in Friday Fictioneers, Just Sayin' and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

118 Responses to Pursuit (Friday Fictioneers, May 2012)

  1. mysocalledDutchlife says:

    If it weren’t so very true though – the children will out you every time.
    I’m amazed by the three different characters I see through so few words and simple dialogue.

    Here’s my attempt: http://mysocalleddutchlife.wordpress.com/2012/05/17/friday-fictioneers/

    • Sandra says:

      Thanks for commenting; enjoyed yours.

      • mysocalledDutchlife says:

        Is this a problem with my settings? is there something I can do to solve it?

    • Dear So called, I am Laura of Lindaura Glamoura, and I really want to comment on your story, but I cannot figure out how. Perhaps you need to change your settings in your blog to allow comments?
      Anyway, if you get this, write to me at my story page at:
      http://fictionvictimtoo.blogspot.com
      Thanks

      • Sandra says:

        Hi Laura, it’s next to the number of comments, under the story. In orange it says something like ‘Post your own’.

      • Actually, it is the commentator above, whose story was “Caledonia” that I wanted to contact, and I still can’t see how! Did you find it?

      • Sandra says:

        Well I just went to ‘socalled’s page and at bottom left it said the number of comments, and then next to it ‘post your own’. I assume if you clicked on that a box opened up, because I do recall commenting on that story. I’ll go have another look.

      • Sandra says:

        Ah I remember now, I did have a problem. You go to the top left of the post and click on the number of comments. A minute ago it said 44. You click on that. Every one is different hey?

  2. rich says:

    i usually have something to write within minutes. it’s been, what, two days? i got nothing. nice job.

  3. TheOthers1 says:

    Lol. I think you got irony.

    I haven’t even tried tackling this one yet. I figure I’ll give it a go after a bit. You did quite well though. Whenever I manage something, I’ll pop back by and leave my linky. :)

  4. Brandon Scott says:

    Great little story, Sandra! The last line is priceless.

    • Sandra says:

      Thanks Amanda; I guess it ought to be when they get in the way of your responsibilities, but it doesn’t work that way sometimes.

  5. Carrie says:

    Lol, perfect last line. The way children can so innocently repeat things…

    My piece http://viewsfromnature.com/2012/05/17/fridayfictioneers-fool/

  6. sacha1nch1 says:

    they’re adorable aren’t they; a perfect way to indirectly tell someone something

    http://sacha1nch1.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/freds-ark/

  7. teschoenborn says:

    Wonderfully original take on the prompt. From the mouth of babes, we must always be careful what we say around our children. Nicely done.

    Here’s mine: http://teschoenborn.com/2012/05/17/friday-fictioneers-luck-of-the/

  8. seanfallon01 says:

    That’s a sweet take on the prompt, very nice.

    I know you’ve read mine but force of habit – http://theequiaticbind.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/friday-fictioneers-magic-mac-the-magic-man/

  9. Lora Mitchell says:

    Love it. The last line made me chuckle. Wonder which rainbow daddy is chasing this time? lol. Mine is not written yet. Will leave my usual link later.

  10. Linda says:

    Don’t children always say the most obvious things, you can rely on them to get a message across without it being sentimental or sarcastic and I loved the twist you gave to this at the end, well done.

    Here be mine: http://womanontheedgeofreality.com/2012/05/18/friday-fictioneers-god-plays-the-tom-toms/

  11. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Sandra,

    Your story hit home especially hard as I’ve been the one chasing rainbows for so long. (I’m outlasting them through sheer cussedness.) “When are you coming home?” Great line that I’ve heard literally and figuratively too many times.

    I think you did very well with the prompt this week, no matter how hard it may have seemed to you. Thanks for visiting mine. Forgive me for leaving a link here. Trying to snare some fellow dreamers.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/no-rain-no-rainbows-3/

  12. unspywriter says:

    Ah, out of the mouths of babes. A lot packed into so few words. Excellent!

    Here’s mine: http://unspywriter.wordpress.com/friday-fictioneers/sure-and-its-hard-work-being-wee-folk/

  13. Ha ha ha! She gave the game away. I love this. Would Daddy laugh or cry? Mine is here: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/friday-fictioneers-sinking-low/

  14. rochellewisoff says:

    I add my OMG! That last line left me breathless. So innocent, yet so telling!
    http://www.rochelle-wisoff.blogspot.com/2012/05/miracle.html

  15. Perfect illustration of the “kids say the darndest things” premise. Very nice to fit three different voices within such limited space and not get muddled.

  16. Ha! Chasing rainbows, indeed; what we are all doing. And not a bad thing at all as long as one remembers the journey is more important than the destination. Irony, but sweet irony.
    Mine: http://repuestodelatabla.wordpress.com/

  17. joannalazuliportals says:

    Great piece, and such a lot about the characters flows through from the dialogue. Great title, too.

    Thanks for your comment on mine. Link here for others:
    http://www.lazuli-portals.com/flash-fiction/a-cordello-memory

  18. esskewpe says:

    I love it. You can just see the wife behind the child shaking her head and going “SHHH!”

    Here’s mine, if you’re interested:
    http://smallquietplace.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/a-quiet-place-to-rest/

  19. This was wonderful! I love how the child tells the truth….they will do that every time! Mine is here, if anyone would like to read it: http://theforgottenwife.com/2012/05/17/friday-fictioneers-2/

  20. elmowrites says:

    heehee! You’re stealing Russell’s spot as our resident comic, Sandra. Nicely done.

    I’m over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/friday-fiction-the-lie-of-the-land/

  21. That is really cute Sandra and a very original take on the prompt. I loved it!
    Wakefield
    http://www.wakefieldmahon.com/1/post/2012/05/light-supremacy-friday-fictioneers.html

  22. erinleary says:

    Love it – it was a great way to bring it home. As always, I really enjoy your writing.
    Mine is here: http://erinleary.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/eirinn-go-brach/

  23. prosingon says:

    Daddys are their little girls heroes. I can imagine what Susie was picturing when her Mommy told her that her hero was out chasing rainbows. Perhaps a saddled unicorn! Nice Sandra.

  24. susielindau says:

    Out of the mouths of babes! Especially Susie’s!
    WP added a opt out feature last week on the “discussion” page. You can unclick it now to go back to the old way…

  25. Judee says:

    Ah yes,great job on this. I wasn’t sure how the rainbow was going to fit in as I read, but you have a way with dialogue, so I didn’^t really think about it – then blam, the sweet innicence of a child speaking the greater truth without even knowing it. Chasing rainbows indeed, lol, loved it.

  26. As usual, you told a charming tale totally in dialogue, and it all rang true – and sadly familiar, too.
    Nice clever pun on the prompt.
    Yours as ever,
    Laura
    Lindaura

  27. jeninesilos says:

    Lovely…! I love children most!
    Here’s mine:
    http://writeforacause.org/2012/05/18/friday-fictioneers-answered-prayer/#comment-50
    Please feel free to check it out too!

  28. Aw, that’s sweet. And I love how you can picture the whole scene well, without so much as a he said or she said.

    http://littlewonder2.wordpress.com/2012/05/17/friday-fictioneers-rainbows/

  29. Brian Benoit says:

    I get a clear sense of who the mother is, even though she doesn’t make an appearance, and that impressed me. Well done!

    Thanks for your comment on mine. Here’s the link for your readers: http://pinionpost.com/2012/05/18/wake-up-where/

  30. Madison Woods says:

    I feel so sad for all of them. He needs to chase his rainbows and she needs to let him go, and the child needs to understand that sometimes a person is possessed by demons they can’t smother without terrible costs to their soul. It all just rings of an unfortunate trio who aren’t meant to be with each other. Sandra, lol, for someone uncomfortable with *emotions* your story wrung a lot of it out of me.

  31. oni1138 says:

    nice conversational piece :) I seem to chase rainbows all the time!!!

  32. Hi Sandra,
    Very skillful to tell the whole story in dialog. And I like that it’s upbeat with a fun ending! Thanks for your comment on my story. Sounds like you might be a fellow bird lover.

  33. rgayer55 says:

    I’m guilty as charged. Doomed to chase rainbow till they put me under the grass. You did extremely well with this prompt. It also reminded me of the old Art Linkletter show, “Kids say the darnest things.” Thanks for the nice comment on mine. I’ll leave my link below in an attempt to wrangle some of your readers my direction.

    http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/

    • Sandra says:

      Yes, I’ve been on the wrong end of ‘kid’s truth’ before now. And I’m sure any readers will be flocking over to yours – you’ve got a reputation for delivering the goods. :)

  34. Sheila says:

    Aren’t we all! Love it. Good job.

  35. EmmaMc says:

    Aww wonderful! I loved this. And I had the same problem, a beautiful picture but found it hard to come up with a story. Here mine.

    http://freejournowriter.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/friday-fictioneers-end-of-the-rainbow/

  36. Gary says:

    Ah, the innocence of children, eh? It’s when we give up chasing those rainbows that life becomes dull and meaningless.
    You did a great job here!

    http://garybaileywriting.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/fridayfictioneers-rainbow-memorial/

  37. I had time for one more read before racing out to go camping! This was so real and so quietly poignant, I love all the things that weren’t said, but seen through what was. Wonderful!

    Kathy
    http://notforallmarkets.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/after/

  38. Stacey says:

    LOL. That totally made me laugh. Definitely inspired!

  39. Scott Hays says:

    Dialog is hard, but the punchline was gut-wrenching. Jeanie seems to have heard it all and is pretty noncommittal through the entire conversation, but she does want to know when Daddy is coming home; and Susie … well, as most everyone else has observed, out of the mouth of babes. Except you set it up so innocently. Nicely done. What do you think of mine, over at http://scottcheck.blogspot.com/2012/05/rainbow-promises.html

  40. Lora Mitchell says:

    A recording contract, huh? Maybe he should audition for American Idol or The Voice… lol. Here’s mine:
    http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

  41. Atiya says:

    Oh that was rich. There are some many different takes on this prompt this week. I love it. This is a perfect example of things you should never say in front of a child. Here’s my sare: http://remakingme-atiyatownes.blogspot.com/2012/05/friday-flash-fiction-country-walk.html

  42. Nice use of dialog to tell the story. Looking forward to seeing more from your perspective. Here’s mine: http://melodypearson.com/flash-fiction/may-18-2012-rainbows/

  43. janpoulton says:

    Great story and the irony works really well. Made me smile and I love the last line. I haven’t posted one this week. Hope to join you next time. :)

  44. Sandra says:

    Thanks Melody. Enjoyed reading Mariska’s exploits.

  45. Uh oh. Momma got outed. Always got to watch what you say around them, or they’re bound to repeat it at the most inopportune times. Loved it.

  46. sphrbn says:

    Great, joke at the end, made me laugh.

  47. Gilly Gee says:

    Oh Sandra that’s brilliant, I can hear it coming out of her mouth!

I'd love to hear your views; it reassures me I'm not talking to myself.

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