Nemesis (Flash Fiction Faction – April 2012)

The prompt for Quill Shiv’s challenge this week was to incorporate a phrase.


“Prepare to meet thy fate,” a voice boomed, echoing around the walls of the ruined monastery, causing cracks to appear and shards of rock to skitter to the ground.

The young couple jumped up, clutching at each other, pale and wide-eyed as they fumbled to adjust their clothing.

“What was that for Christ’s sake?” gasped Pete.

“I don’t know, but I’m getting the hell out of here,” said Susie, piling cups and plates into the picnic basket and snatching up the rug on which they’d been lying.

“It’s a joke, right?” he said, staring around at the crumbling walls and lichen covered stones.

“Did it sound like a joke?  Come on, I’m not hanging around here, I said we shouldn’t have picked this place to  ….”

Lightning flashed, and a clap of thunder rent the air, before she could complete the sentence.  They began to run.

As they stumbled across the rocks and slabs of stone that littered the site, the young trees rooted amongst the ruins began to tremble, their branches dipping and bowing beneath some unearthly pressure.  The ground began to shake, causing them to stumble as they ran.

“Faster,” yelled Pete, snatching the picnic basket out of Sue’s arms.

“I can’t go any faster,” she said, holding her side, “don’t leave me.”

He grabbed her hand, jerking her across the uneven terrain.  The ground dipped slightly down towards a stream, and wading through this, they scrambled over a fence and into a pasture where the ground was smoother.

They ran on, trampling the corn beneath their feet, for several minutes.  Eventually when they realised that the wind seemed to have abated slightly, and the ground, though rumbling still, was not shaking so severely, they paused for breath.

“Are we safe?” Sue gasped, trying to catch her breath.

Pete looked around.  “Whatever it was, it seems to have been centered around those ruins.  See, it’s calmer here.”

It was indeed.  The air was now still, and the birds, which had ceased singing, began to twitter cautiously.

“I’m never going back there,” said Sue, “that place must be haunted.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Pete said, “there’s no such thing as ghosts.”

“Then maybe it was God,” said Sue, “punishing us for what we were doing.”

Pete rolled his eyes heavenwards.  This was Sue doing her guilt trip stuff again.

“God?  Hah! There’s nothing wrong with what we were doing.  And there’s no such thing as God either.”

“I can’t believe I heard you say that,” said Sue, snatching her hand out of his.

There was a rustling sound behind them, and spinning round they watched in horror as some unseen force cut a burning swathe through the cornfields, heading directly for them.

“I heard it too,” thundered a voice. “Believe this.  You’re toast now, boy.”

About Sandra

I used to cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and wrote fiction and poetry. Now I live on the beautiful Dorset coast, enjoying the luxury of being able to have a cat, cultivating an extensive garden and getting involved in the community. I still write fiction, but only when the spirit moves me - which isn't as often as before. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
This entry was posted in By the Way ..., Just Sayin' and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Nemesis (Flash Fiction Faction – April 2012)

  1. lauraj684 says:

    Hahaha. I really liked that ending!


  2. sue Cottrill says:

    Beware always, you never can tell. I like this, once again your work gets me


  3. Judee says:

    Hahaahaaa! Loved it! Lots of tension and action and running, finally safe, and that last line, lol, perfect!


  4. Sandra says:

    Thanks Judee, glad you liked it. Hope you had a nice birthday.


  5. Loved the first line, sucked right in. the tension of as the fled held me, and then I had to chuckle at the end. Nicely done.


  6. Brooke Ryter says:

    dialog and descriptions were well done…not to mention…GREAT STORY!!


  7. I really want to know who the booming voice is! How fanciful of Sue to think it’s god, but of all circumstances on earth, why strike them down? Yes, you can probably tell I’m on Pete’s side.

    Even though the first line dove straight into the tension of being hunted down, the first thing said was comical to me, and I immediately began mocking the individual in a mock epic voice. But I loved his last line (partially for the same reason).


  8. TheOthers1 says:

    Ahaha. I had a hunch it was God. This was so funny. Just a great read. Lol


  9. tedstrutz says:

    Remind me not to say something like that. Loved the ‘fumbling with clothing’ line… nuff said.


I'd love to hear your views; it reassures me I'm not talking to myself.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.