Trespass (Friday Fictioneers, April 2012)

This week’s photo prompt from Madison Wood’s Friday Fictioneers is here: 

Louella’s family fenced their land with barbed wire – probably to keep out riff-raff like us.

But we were wild, we could get anywhere we wanted to, and we got onto their land.  When Louella found us we thought she’d be mad, but she seemed pleased and was real nice to my brother.

He met her often after that, sneaking under the wire, doing God knows what down by the bushes near the stream.

When his body was found, flesh hanging in strips, blood flushing the stream pink, we realised how wrong we’d been.

The fence was to keep Louella in.

About Sandra

I cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and write fiction and poetry. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
This entry was posted in Friday Fictioneers, Just Sayin' and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

97 Responses to Trespass (Friday Fictioneers, April 2012)

  1. Amanda Gray says:

    Omg! This is why you have to respect fences! Good job! Here’s mine! http://createrealitylivelife.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/flash-fiction-story/

    Like

  2. Whoa. Nice job of telling a whole lot of story in few words.
    here’s my offering http://www.rochelle-wisoff.blogspot.com

    Like

  3. Brandon Scott says:

    Awesome story with an unexpected twist. I love it!
    My attempt: http://authorbrandonscott.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/when-hope-dies/

    Like

  4. Twist!
    Louella is a great name, for an evil character.

    Like

  5. Very nice. I would love to hear more about Louella. She seems deliciously evil.

    http://jonathanmwright.wordpress.com/2012/04/25/only-100/

    Like

  6. unspywriter says:

    Oh, wow, that ending was unexpected and great!

    Thanks for the comments on mine.

    Like

  7. Oh No! This is so sad. And written beautifully, with a twist that had me asking why. Unfortunately, realisation came too late for the narrator. One moment happy, with care free attitude and some fun in breaking the rules, and the next moment painful reality as the truth dawns. Wonderful! Here is mine: http://createrealitylivelife.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/flash-fiction-story/

    Like

  8. Once again, a graceful and very well written story, Sandra. A tale representing an eternal question: whether barriers are intended to prevent invasion or escape. This story was made particularly effective by the suggestion of class, the exclusion of the “wild” outsiders. Really good.

    Like

  9. Lora Mitchell says:

    Ooooooh. I giggled thinking the two were getting it on…then ZAP… you got me! What a shocking twist…and gruesome sight for the sister…to find him that way. Nice job. Tks to Madison, a great variety of takes on the prompt this week. Here’s mine…a tad lighter.
    http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

    Like

  10. Gary says:

    Nice twist! At first I thought it may be a bunch of small animals that Louella was feeding/taking care of, but then it took a real turn and everything went sour for the brother. Very well done.

    Mine’s here:
    http://garybaileywriting.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/fridayfictioneers-hunterhunted/

    Like

  11. William Stadler says:

    Wow! Nice tone. Louella was obviously nuts. But the mood seems so pleasant until the twist at the end. Nice piece

    Like

  12. JKBradley says:

    For a moment I thought Louelle was just a child and the real demon was a parent or some strange uncle. Nice twist, you caught me looking the other way.

    Here’s mine: http://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/

    Like

  13. TheOthers1 says:

    Whoa! This went from a romance to a horror in my mind in seconds. Scary lady. No trespassing isn’t a guideline.

    My attempt: http://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/04/26/sharp/

    Like

  14. erinleary says:

    Once again, your female character is powerful. Even if we never hear from her. The twists make me smile at the end.

    Thanks for stopping by mine.

    Erin
    http://erinleary.wordpress.com/2012/04/26/flash-friday-fiction-9/

    Like

  15. Andy Flood says:

    For what started out as a seemingly whimsical memoir to end up mired in such dark horror… wow, really well done. A second read gives the line about her welcoming them a completely different feel. Nice work. A gruesome tale that will linger 🙂
    Thanks for the kind words and good catch on mine:

    http://andyfloodwritersblog.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/reversal/

    Like

  16. Whoa, gives a whole new meaning to the idea of protection and protected – great job there 🙂

    Like

  17. Jess Schira says:

    Wow! Talk about an unexpected and completely terrifying ending. Great job 😀

    Like

  18. ltownsdin says:

    Suspenseful and the ending really delivers!

    Like

  19. Sandra says:

    Thanks for commenting. 🙂

    Like

  20. Most excellent! Very well written and my favorite of all of yours, by far! Great job!

    ~Susan (Here’s mine: http://www.susanwenzel.com)

    Like

  21. elmowrites says:

    Well you suddenly gave us a switchback there, Sandra. Now I’m wondering all sorts of things about Louella and I’m loving it. Nicely done, from start to finish.
    I’m over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/friday-fiction-soul-memories/

    Like

  22. Fantastic curve ball at the end, Sandra. The easy flow drew me in and then WHAM! 😀 Great job.

    Like

  23. jeanelaine says:

    Oooh, didn’t see that coming. Loved this one.

    Like

  24. Parul says:

    What a twist! A sharp turn of events… I thought this was a sweet country side romance between teenagers. The turn came when it was least expected. I could imagine a mental (maybe physical too) smile vanish and turn into a grim concern as I read the lines. Very nicely done!

    Parul
    http://faitaccompli.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/building-boundaries/

    Like

  25. siobhanmuir says:

    Whoa! What a spectacularly creepy story, Sandra! Nicely done. 😀

    Here’s mine:
    http://siobhanmuir.blogspot.com/2012/04/another-200-words-for-fridayfictioneers.html

    Siobhan

    Like

  26. Ahhh, you are back to your fantastic storytelling form – with your nasty sting in the tale. Great. perfect. I am your fan.
    Laura

    Like

  27. Caerlynn Nash says:

    Ooohhh. Very good. Build us up and then BAM! I like this story–one of my faves so far.

    Like

  28. Madison Woods says:

    Oh very grim and gruesome! So innocent at first and then wham! you moved in for the kill. I liked your use of the word ‘wild’ to describe the kids. And I liked how the story came back around to the fence once our perceptions had been altered.

    Like

  29. Hahaha! Is it wrong to laugh at such a gruesome story? Very nice twist; that’s what microfiction is all about.
    http://the-drabbler.com/trespass/

    Like

  30. Scott Hays says:

    Thanks for commenting on my story so early and sorry it took me a while to get over here … but it was worth the wait. The story is bracketed by images of being fenced out and being fenced in, and your deft use of those opposites is what provides the sudden, unexpected twist at the end. Like others have said, I thought there was some hanky-panky going on between Luella and the brother, not homicidal enticements. But there are other opposites are at play here, as well: Louella’s family is landed, while the “wild riff-raff” come and go as they please; the wild riff-raff seem to be the outsiders, but Louella is the real outsider (technically, and “insider”). Nice play on dualities.

    Like

  31. glossarch says:

    Well, that will keep me from crossing any fences anytime soon. I like how you let us roll with the premise that the fence was to keep things out up until the very end. Well done, and I enjoyed it.

    Here’s mine:

    http://glossarch.wordpress.com/2012/04/28/intelligent-design-friday-fictioneers/

    Like

  32. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Sandra,

    That was excellent, excellent, excellent! Even the name Louella was somehow fitting. Lovely tempo and pitch, clever twist along with a perfectly timed reveal. Said it before and I’ll say it again: You’re good.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      Hi Doug. I’m blushing. 🙂 It was an interesting prompt this week, though my take on it was fairly literal. Others really explored the ramifications of barbed wire, including yourself. Take care.

      Like

  33. seanfallon01 says:

    Brilliant – such a quick change of tone and a great twist, really good and for some reason makes me think of Nick Cave’s album The Murder Ballads (one of my favourite albums) which is the highest of compliments.

    Like

  34. Michael Fishman says:

    Ha! Fantastic twist that I didn’t see coming.

    Like

  35. Sandra says:

    Thanks Michael. Pleased I could surprise you. Thanks for commenting.

    Like

  36. Atiya says:

    WOW, what an amazing twist at the end. Louella is a very dangerous woman. Truthfully I expected the family to be a level of evil, not Louella herself. Actually I’m not really sure of either. I’d love to see more of this story. Great share.

    Like

  37. Judee says:

    Loved it! Such a great twist on the purpose of the fence. Even though I’ve come to expect you to take me by surprise, you still take me by surprise!

    Like

  38. oni1138 says:

    wow, just wow!!

    Like

  39. John Hardy Bell says:

    Way to just smack me over the head with a 2×4! Brilliant story, Sandra! You’re my kind of writer!!

    Like

  40. sacha1nch1 says:

    well i’m a fan; maybe it’s the way i read it but the calmness of the narrator gives the story an added sinister depth….like she wasn’t the biggest fan of her brother perhaps….

    http://sacha1nch1.wordpress.com/2012/04/28/flash-fiction-venus-in-wire/

    Like

  41. Nellie says:

    VERY interesting. Not everything is as it seems.

    Like

  42. rich says:

    that’s what i like. a twist in the last sentence. great.

    Like

  43. janpoulton says:

    Brilliant and gruesome ending. Loved it. Thank’s for your comments on mine. 🙂

    Like

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  45. Sandra says:

    Thanks Jan. 🙂

    Like

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