Exodus (Friday Fictioneers, March 2013)

Copyright Lora Mitchell

This week’s Friday Fictioneers photo prompt was supplied by Lora Mitchell.  Sorry if it’s a bit dreary, but I’ve done horror to death in recent weeks and have indulged in fantasy and sci-fi for other challenges this week.  

The others left hours ago; there seemed little point, so I stayed.

Outside cars have queued for hours, their rear-lights dancing in the raindrops spattering my window.  No headlights in sight; nobody is heading this way.

No-one with any sense anyway.

One by one the lights in the skyscrapers are winking out and here in my apartment I’ve lit a candle to save whatever electricity remains.  Habit, I guess.

The lily’s waxen petals begin to droop and curl.

It’s nearly midnight, and now the traffic is still, silent.

Nothing is moving, except the petals, falling like tears on the windowsill.



About Sandra

I cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and write fiction and poetry. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
This entry was posted in Friday Fictioneers, Just Sayin' and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

99 Responses to Exodus (Friday Fictioneers, March 2013)

  1. yepiratehere says:

    No, not dull at all, I agree with your senses..too much science-fiction is too much. I think this is beautiful and survives by emotion and atmosphere alone…now stay off the tears for the next one! But I really liked it.It’s almost like a long haiku.

    Like

  2. John Hardy Bell says:

    Wow Sanda! I’ve been away from your fictioneer stories for way too long! Nice to see that after all this time you are still not disappointing! Apocalypse stories flat out rule!! You just might inspire me to get back in the 100 word fiction game! 🙂 Loved it!!!!!!!

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      Thank you! Nice to see you on here. I was over at your site the other night to read your bank robber story – loved it. Hope you get the FF bug again soon. 😉

      Like

  3. Joe Owens says:

    Seems an end is coming. She has chosen not to leave?

    Like

  4. Really good Sandra, and dread can be good it it’s written like this.

    Like

  5. Lovely, even if the end is nigh. 🙂

    janet

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  6. wmqcolby says:

    Simply splendiferous! Like poetry. Good work this week, Sandra.

    Like

  7. petronmb says:

    Beautifully written. Poetic.

    Like

  8. deanabo says:

    You really do have a wonderful way with your words.

    Like

  9. This was soft, sad, pretty. Very nice.

    Like

  10. Poetry for the lily. / fits well with the somber mood

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  11. nightlake says:

    this was very well done..signalling the end is near..nicely written, Sandra

    Like

  12. ellynvv says:

    I think this was really self-containted and subtle for something so tragic, very well done!

    Like

  13. ellynvv says:

    Oh I keep misspelling things today.. that was meant to read ‘self-contained’. Sorry Sandra

    Like

  14. julespaige says:

    You reminded me of the Black Out in New York in the 60’s – I played Candy Land by candle light. The lights came back on.

    I based Semi de “Lilium” on the diminishing assets of my elders. They still have spirit and spunk. Though I think it gets just a little harder each day. We can only hope that family makes up for the loss of departed friends.

    Like

  15. Iris says:

    Very nice, this one. Like the earth going to sleep for winter…

    Like

  16. Wonderfully atmospheric and beautifully written.
    Loved it.

    Like

  17. kz says:

    wow this is almost like poetry… wonderfully written 🙂

    Like

  18. Lights going off, saving electricity…a dystopian story? Like the imagery of the dying petals tying in with the lights winking out, as if life is slowly draining away from everything in view.

    Like

  19. Not giving up just giving in. Well told story.

    Like

  20. JKBradley says:

    It’s the end of the world as we know it. Nicely conveyed images.

    Like

  21. Hi Sandra,
    Subtle story about our possible future. I think it’s interesting that almost everyone has a gloomy, apocalyptic view of what’s coming. Not that I don’t agree. Sounds like the party’s over. Ron

    Like

  22. Well told. Gives us something to think about.

    Like

  23. Carrie says:

    oooh, very apocalyptic, end of the world vibe going here

    Like

  24. Oh, Dear One, such a tragic tale. I can just imagine it really happening…

    Like

  25. Dear Sandra,
    I keenly felt the desolation. Good job.
    Shalom,
    Rochelle

    Like

  26. Very well written, as always 🙂

    Like

  27. Intriguing tale and beautifully wrought. I had to read it twice to make certain I understood, but I still admired it.

    Like

  28. sandraconner says:

    Very good writing, Sandra. You have a perfect balance of all the forces and emotions involved.

    Like

  29. Pete says:

    Nicely written, melancholy piece.

    Like

  30. unspywriter says:

    Very subtle post-apocalyptic tale. I loved the line about the candles in the skyscraper going out. Excellent story.

    Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/september-morning-forever/

    Like

  31. Michael Fishman says:

    I felt sadness and isolation. I really loved the last sentence.

    Like

  32. This is the end, my only friend, the end. Very effective piece, but not dreary for me because I survived! (I drank from the lily, or something like that.)

    Like

  33. elappleby says:

    I enjoyed this – it felt empty and hollow – the world ending and nothing left to live for – okay, so maybe enjoyed is the wrong word – but I appreciated it! 🙂

    Like

  34. denmother says:

    Sounds like doomsday that she’s decided not to outrun. Great imagery with the dying plant.

    Like

  35. I love the descriptive language you use. The line “to save whatever electricity remains” hints at a pretty dire situation underneath the seemingly normal scene.

    Like

  36. rgayer55 says:

    It reminded me of those who refuse to evacuate prior to a hurricane or any other forewarned disaster. An interesting contrast to the symbol of the resurection.

    Like

  37. jwdwrites says:

    Their rear-lights dancing in the raindrops spattering my window. Nice imagery there Sandra, this was very atmospheric. She sounds as if she has almost given up. The more I read FF the more impressed I am at the skills of participants like you. I think I will learn a lot from this group, apart from getting to read great pieces like this one.

    Like

  38. R. E. Hunter says:

    The end of the world? Nice one.

    Like

  39. petrujviljoen says:

    Thanks for writing.

    Like

  40. Tom Poet says:

    This is poetic….Very nicely done, a little dreary maybe but it fits the prompt. I really like it.

    It is always a treat come over to your page and read your work even if you are writing something sad. Well done!

    Tom

    Like

  41. kdillmanjones says:

    Beautiful language!

    Like

  42. Sarah Ann says:

    This isn’t dreary. It full of feeling and has made me feel ever so slightly miserable, but that’s the power of the writing. I like the way you used the lily’s petals as analogy.

    Like

  43. elmowrites says:

    Ooh, you’re taking us somewhere scary with this one, even if you claim you’ve eschewed horror this week! I got a bit mixed up in the time line – seems like the cars are queueing in the present tense and yet then you say the traffic is still and silent??

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      Well I was writing in the present tense, describing what had been happening earlier and then switching entirely to the present. But I agree that there is an unfortunate mish-mash of tenses here that needs looking at for future reference. Today is a bad technology day here; I tried to print out a text on tenses so I could more fully respond but the printer has expired; and just to add to the frustration, WordPress is asking me to moderate all my OWN comments on this particular posting. I think I may go back to bed.:(

      Like

  44. Sunshine says:

    lights a candle to save whatever electricity is left…even at the end, old habits are hard to break. something to ponder on…i like your story. ♥

    Like

  45. I don’t find this dreary. I find it peaceful.

    Like

  46. claireful says:

    Great story this week Sandra. I like post-apocalyptic stories, and this one is a fantastic start to something bigger. I really want to know why they’re all leaving and she isn’t. You’re going to say you don’t know, aren’t you?
    Claire

    Like

  47. Loved how you used the lily but I did not get the gloomy feeling everyone else did. Not ashamed to say I read it twice. Loved the last line.

    Like

  48. Sandra, you depict a sad, eerie scene here. I wonder why everyone is leaving. A storm? The zombie apocalypse? The description of the lily curling captures the gloom of the event well. Great!

    Like

  49. vbholmes says:

    The last line is definitely a corker–good doomsday story.

    Like

  50. 40again says:

    Beautiful, imaginative and so descriptive, not the end surely???
    Love your writing Sandra
    Dee

    Like

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