Caveat Emptor – Friday Fictioneers

Copyright Santoshwriter

The peed-and-dried odour, mingled with distinctly earthy undertones, alerted Miss Clinton to Suzie Brown’s presence at her elbow.

“Yes, Suzie?”

“Tommy Jones put his hand up my skirt, Miss, and then he ran away.”

Suzie doesn’t look horrified; indeed, she appears pleased to have some information of note to impart.

“He’s a very naughty boy, Suzie. I’ll speak to him.”

The dewdrop on the end of Suzie’s nose wobbles righteously.

“And tell him I want it in pound coins, Miss.”

“Huh?”

“The change, Miss. He agreed he’d do it for three pounds and I gave him a fiver

Still on restricted internet, hence the no-show last week.  I’ll do my best to get round more submissions this week.   Thanks again to Rochelle for all the work she puts into Friday Fictioneers.

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About Sandra

I cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and write fiction and poetry. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
This entry was posted in Friday Fictioneers, Just Sayin'. Bookmark the permalink.

58 Responses to Caveat Emptor – Friday Fictioneers

  1. Dear Sandra,

    A girl has to look out for herself, doesn’t she? Susie sounds like a rather aromatic child. Your vivid description sends me to my scented candles. Well done as always and good to see you back. The list wasn’t complete without you.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

  2. ‘Peed-and-dried’ is wonderful. I know exactly what you’re describing. And I love the whole story, including of course the brilliant surprise. (A minor comment – it felt historical – 1950s/’60s? – apart from the pound coins. If you’d thought of a date I wonder if pound notes would work better?)

    Like

  3. Horus says:

    Amorous aromatic character indeed ! Shock for for Miss, and surprise for readers I guess.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. And apparently Suzie is a very naughty girl. Nice little twist at the end.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Sonya says:

    Oooh, fantastic twist – even beats the ‘peed-and-dried’ beginning. Great stuff!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Mike says:

    A great story Sandra. Made me smile. Suzie is definitely an enterprising young lady!
    Loved the “The peed-and-dried odour …” reminded me of my early days as a teacher.

    Like

  7. gahlearner says:

    The odour you describe sends me right back into first grade… Suzie is quite the character. Great story.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Francesca Smith says:

    I agree with Claire, while reading, I also thought it was set in the 1950s/ 1960s.
    An entertaining story!

    Like

  9. micklively says:

    A wonderful piece: funny and tragic in equal measure.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. storydivamg says:

    Great work, Sandra! It isn’t often that I smell a classroom while reading Friday Fictioneers stories, but today I most certainly did. Your story is so tremendously sad but delivered with an even hand and told so matter-of-fact-like that a reader might miss the punch until the end and then a second read reveals even more layers. Fabulous!

    All my best,
    MG

    Like

  11. Sue says:

    ‘Peed and dried’ says it all… and what a piece of work little Suzie is

    Liked by 1 person

  12. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Sandra,

    The change is important. Watching and reading silently.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Liked by 3 people

  13. Delightfully naughty.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. paulmclem says:

    I struggled to get past “peed-and-dried”. That description will live with me for a few days. Lol.

    Liked by 2 people

  15. I would have loved to see the look on Miss Clinton’s face when Suzie reveals the surprise!

    Like

  16. ansumani says:

    Interesting little heroine! Hope she got her money’s worth 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  17. That smell will linger with me. It remanded me more of a gentleman that used to sit next to me on my concert series,,, Somehow I feel sorry for Suzie…

    Liked by 1 person

  18. My nose is still twitching. Lord help that little girl.

    Like

  19. draliman says:

    Funny, I can see this happening! Very enterprising of her.
    I liked the odour alerting the teacher to her presence.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. erinleary says:

    Too darn funny…and sad all at once.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Great story, I wonder if that will be a life choice for that little girl, shame if it is.

    Like

  22. I suppose the lesson here is beware of your friends! Times were always tough, weren’t they? Great story.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Liz Young says:

    Your phrase “peed and dried odour” was enough to conjure up a vivid image of Suzie. I wonder how she earned the fiver?

    Liked by 1 person

  24. helenmidgley says:

    Fab, I loved that ending 😉

    Like

  25. A little shocking. A little disturbing. I think Miss Clinton may want to alert a guidance counselor, Suzie has some issues.

    Like

  26. plaridel says:

    suzie would definitely go places.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. I too thought it was set back in the 50’s 60s. Possibly because the name Tommy Jones seems old fashioned as is Suzie. Also because of the surprise – I don’t think teachers would be surprised by things like that these days. Which made me also think note would fit better. I didn’t know there was a pound coin. Made me smile though. Enterprising young lady but I’m surprised the little boy wanted to put his hand up there with that “peed and dried odour.”

    Like

  28. asarpota says:

    Brilliant turn of events. For a moment, before I read the last line, I too went.. Huhhhh!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  29. hjmusk says:

    A very comical twist at the end, and seemed very likely to be said by a child. The things they come out with sometimes, you just can’t script it.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Amy Reese says:

    Peed and dried, there’s no mistaking that foul smell. Little Suzie is a bit naughty too, but also a practical businesswoman looking out for herself. I think she’s going to go far in life. 🙂 Very entertaining, Sandra.

    Like

  31. phylor says:

    Great ending. Made me smile. And the smells were all too common!

    Liked by 1 person

  32. Suzie looks like she is touch-hungry….

    Liked by 1 person

  33. wildbilbo says:

    I wanted to laugh at the old pee smell, but it was too close to some of the funks that I’ve been subjected to recently… Young kids are awesome but stinky.

    I DID laugh at Suzie – that was a great ending 🙂
    KT

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Margaret says:

    Such a surprise ending. But it introduces all sorts of other undertones (apart from the olfactory ones). I can’t help but wonder where Suzie’s values have come from. Am I being too heavy in my reading of this? It’s such an unexpected and intriguing take.

    Like

  35. subroto says:

    Something doesn’t smell right here. Sounds a bit like the delightful institution where someone I know teaches. Great story though.

    Liked by 1 person

  36. rgayer55 says:

    I love the way you evoked the sense of smell in painting this story. It is one of the strongest senses and so many writers fail to use it properly. Suzie is an enterprising young lady. I hope that she will use some of the profit from this transaction to clean herself up and enter politics.

    Like

  37. I also wonder how much that little girl’s mother or any older woman, is around to guide her. She’s growing up with some risky behaviors. She needs counselling before she gets older.Her reputation is being formed. Fairly soon she won’t have to ask. Well written though. — Suzanne

    Like

  38. Everybody seems to have loved the “peed and dried’ phrase and I did too. But I also like the title – quite apropos to this story. Before reading one of your stories, i always examine the photograph carefully wondering just what you will come up with. I agree with your other reader – this story felt a bit vintage to me too.

    Like

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