Rite of Passage – Friday Fictioneers

Copyright Stephen Baum

“You’re just trying to frighten me.”

“Yeah, an’ it’s dead easy, innit? You’re shakin’ like a leaf, sista.”

“I’m not.” She was though.

“I’ll tell people you my bitch if you do it.”

She glanced nervously into the tunnel. He’d been teasing surely, there was no such thing as ghosts, everyone knew. But she fancied she could hear shuffling…

He turned to leave, and desperately she stepped into the darkness.

Was that a giggle from the gloom ahead?

She looked back at his flushed, excited face, and continued to edge further.

Kenny’s girl… her heart swelled with pride.

Soon be through now…

I’ve taken a literal approach to the prompt this week, many will be relieved to read.  🙂  Thanks to Rochelle for officiating at the weekly gathering of Friday Fictioneers; hope everyone is enjoying as glorious a summer as we in Britain seem to be having right now.

About Sandra

I cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and write fiction and poetry. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
This entry was posted in Friday Fictioneers, Just Sayin' and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

82 Responses to Rite of Passage – Friday Fictioneers

  1. Dear Sandra,

    My mom used to say that women were saps for men. I hope Kennys worth the terror. You have me wondering how old these two are. I’m guessing quite young. Enjoyable read.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

  2. micklively says:

    I can’t help but wonder why she wants to be his bitch.
    Good piece.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Your dialogue set the scene perfectly.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Sandra,

    I love walking in your world.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Like

  5. Sightsnbytes says:

    Great story. Being claustrophobic, I am more afraid of tunnels than I am of ghosts.

    Like

  6. asarpota says:

    Love the contrasts of the fear, happiness, excitement with a tinge of sarcasm.. Lovely post.

    Like

  7. Vinay Leo R. says:

    I wonder if being Kenny’s girl is really worth the fear… Lovely tale, could feel the emotions. 🙂

    Leo @ I Rhyme Without Reason

    Like

  8. Ah, the romance, the romance. Love it.

    Like

  9. paulmclem says:

    Enjoyable little tale. As an aside I absolutely detest people using the word “bitch” to refer to a female. Not a crit of your story, more of the culture which deems it an acceptable part of language. See you next week 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I just hope that every now and then the guys can be scared of ghosts.. But I think they have to hide it better.

    Like

  11. Sandra says:

    So do I, but then I abhor quite a lot about the current yoof culture. I’m sure my elders felt the same about mine though. 🙂 Thanks for dropping by Paul.

    Like

  12. Well written, Sandra. I think I’d rather just get over Kenny. 😕

    Like

  13. elmowrites says:

    Ah, young love. I hope she wises up on the other side of the tunnel, Sandra. Sounds like Kenny won’t be following her through it anyway!
    You’ve done a fantastic job with these characters – I can see them both and feel for the girl in spite of her foolishness.

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      As it’s you, Jen, I’ll spill the beans here 🙂 and it’s a tribute to the members of Friday Fictioneers commenting so far that they appear not to have detected the sinister side of this piece. It’s based on gangland culture. The shuffling and giggling in the tunnel are the other members of Kenny’s gang, which is why he’s getting excited. The poor girl is about to be initiated into the gang … hence the title. Too obscure for my own good again …

      Like

      • elmowrites says:

        Hmm… I actually feared that he was more sinister than just a bad boy from words like “my bitch”, but from her side I sensed young love or at least infatuation. Thanks for the explanation though, I hadn’t picked up on the others inside the tunnel… shudder.

        Like

  14. Oh how I wish I had read this before you commented to Jen!
    No, not really.
    Well, sort of.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Anita says:

    I believe in ghosts.
    Glad she had the courage to make the trip despite her fear! 🙂

    Like

  16. Margaret says:

    I suspected something bad was waiting for her in there – and Kenny’s such a convincing portrayal of the arrogance and cruelty of the sub-culture you’ve shown here. Poor, poor girl – it’s tragic that so many young girls are so lacking in self-esteem that they go along with these rites of passage. Boys, too, I guess. Sad. Well told.

    Like

  17. ceayr says:

    Great story.
    The giggle in the gloom is the clue that she is in serious trouble.
    Superbly constructed, and just open enough…

    Like

  18. draliman says:

    I wonder if he’s worth it? I can’t help feeling there’s a surprise waiting for her in the dark. Great story, very atmospheric!

    Like

  19. rogershipp says:

    Happiness is rarely ‘at the end of the tunnel’s light’ … just enjoy the journey! Well done!

    Like

  20. Liz Young says:

    Kenny’s a right tosser! But if she really wants him she shoud run through too fast for his mates to catch her!

    Like

  21. I feel so sad for this protagonist. It sounds like she is making a bad decision for a bad reason (something many of us do from time to time!).

    Like

  22. Poor girl. She seems to have a poor self image to do anything for a boy who acts like that. He definietly doesn’t seem worth it. Well written yet again, Sandra. 🙂 — Suzanne

    Like

  23. I hope by the time she has finished crossing the tunnel she has found her self-worth to not want to be anyone’s bitch but her own. After all bitches are wonderful creatures, anyone who has owned a female dog will know. 🙂

    Like

  24. Sandra,
    I know that feeling as the imagination creates things in the dark. Hopefully Kenny is worth it. Great story.
    -David

    Like

  25. Dale says:

    To be so young and naïve. Poor girl has no idea what she’s heading into and I wish I could convince her not to!

    Like

  26. gravadee says:

    Love, fear, happiness, fun all put tgether, nice take

    Like

  27. Jan Brown says:

    Oh, there is more to fear than ghosts! Well written tale; all the warning flags are there. That giggle is surely attached to a body–not Kenny’s but a cohort’s–and one that could do her considerable harm before she flees out the other side. Poor girl will not want to be Kenny’s after that (I hope).

    Like

  28. afairymind says:

    Somehow I don’t think Kenny’s worth the fear – nor any male who’d refer to a girl as ‘his bitch’. I’m also getting an uneasy feeling about the source of those giggles and shuffling feet… Great story. 🙂

    Like

  29. A horrible reality – slice of life, but well written. So sad!

    Like

  30. ansumani says:

    Kenny set expecting so low – that she would be treated like a bitch – and how on earth that can be something to be proud of.

    A lot of emotions in such a short stort. Well done.

    Like

  31. storydivamg says:

    Into the gathering gloom . . . I hope her journey is worth it. Great slice-of-life tale this week, Sandra.

    All my best,
    Marie Gail

    Like

  32. Hi Sandra,

    I really liked this story — it is real, with no other overtones, and very satisfying in its reality (although I don’t like the fact that she does what the guy wants, but alas, it’s all too true with so many girls!).

    Vijaya

    Like

  33. I think a ghost could be fun to talk to, certainly more fun than a dark tunnel. Women are saps for men!

    Like

  34. Amy Reese says:

    Anything for love I suppose. Shuffling up ahead in a tunnel…uh, no thanks! I’d run the other way. Enjoyable read, Sandra.

    Like

  35. Sad that she’ll do something that she doesn’t want to do for a man who can’t care about how she feels. It has that ring of truth about it but hopefully she’ll learn better in the future.

    Like

  36. I was looking forward to your story, Sandra–– it seemed perfect for your wicked twists and turns. Somehow, without driving the point all the way home, this still leaves me with chills. Nice job!

    You seem to own that #1 spot these days! I’m impressed.

    Like

  37. gahlearner says:

    When I read it, I thought Kenny was in league with a monster, ghost or something else supernatural, luring girls into the tunnel. Then I read your explanation, and that is even scarier. Kids don’t seem to have changed. Young love wants to impress, there’s competition, and it takes a while, regardless of the gender, until the kids are comfortable enough with themselves not to be taken advantage of. I guess many of us can relate. Great story!

    Like

  38. i b arora says:

    was he worth the torture she suffered???

    Like

  39. rgayer55 says:

    You have a way of putting the point of the dagger right up to the reader’s chest, then allowing them to decide how far they wish to push it in. I admire that in a suspense writer.

    Liked by 1 person

  40. Susan Langer says:

    Good story. I like the paranormal and it sounds like two normal teens daring each other. 🙂

    Like

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