The Sleepover – Friday Fictioneers, November 2017

Copyright What’s His Name’

“Has she done her duty?” enquired my great-aunt.

My grandmother shrugged, not sharing her sister’s preoccupation.

Duty had, in fact, not been done.  Nor would it ever, until I was safely ensconced in the welcoming embrace of the avocado-coloured toilet back home.

Transfixed by the neat squares of newspaper skewered on a nail, I had tried to ignore the warmth of the wooden seat beneath me, and all thoughts of whichever ample behind had rendered it thus.   Three terraced houses shared this ‘convenience’; the possibilities were endless.

“You’ll be pleased to be going home…” said Gran.

I was positively busting.

Following in the steps of the illustrious leader of Friday Fictioneers, a memoir of slightly more horrifying aspect. 

About Sandra

I cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and write fiction and poetry. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
This entry was posted in Friday Fictioneers, Just Sayin' and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

85 Responses to The Sleepover – Friday Fictioneers, November 2017

  1. MrBinks says:

    ha ha ha – excellent!

    Like

  2. Indira says:

    ‘Three terraced houses…’ ha,ha. Brings lots of memories.Good one.

    Like

  3. My tummy too had the knack of clamming up in strange loos ☹

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  4. Rainee says:

    well done! I remember “the neat squares of newspaper skewered on a nail” from the house I grew up in the 1960s (outside loo as well).

    Like

  5. Love this. You really capture the horror. I was that way when I was a kid for sure.

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  6. Dear Sandra,

    One year my son went to scout camp and avoided…er…um…voiding for a week because he didn’t like the outdoor loos. Your story brought that all back. This made me smile and then made me laugh. I’m all for creature comforts and indoor plumbing.

    Shalom

    Rochelle

    Like

  7. Martin Cororan says:

    What a toil. Lets hope she has better luck at home!

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  8. Moon says:

    Hahhahhha.
    So wonderfully written, Sandra. Loved it.

    Like

  9. neilmacdon says:

    A tale of true grit, Sandra

    Like

  10. Dale says:

    There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home…
    I, like your heroine, was more “at ease” in my own commode… a situation inherited from my mother. I, thankfully, outgrew it, but my mother has not still…

    Like

  11. ceayr says:

    Excruciatingly well done.
    Reminds me of when I was a boy programmer in a famous Glasgow carpet factory. The graffiti said ‘A swinging chain means a hot seat’.

    Like

  12. I remember my great grandma had a cover from the candy box nailed to the wall, like a painting. I was always fascinated by that.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. “… the warmth of the wooden seat beneath me, and all thoughts of whichever ample behind had rendered it thus ” There’s a phrase to reinforce my anxieties about using public toilets! A great story, Sandra.

    Like

  14. Anna Rymer says:

    Who would have thought an outdoor toilet could produce such eloquence! This is great 😃

    Like

  15. Lynn Love says:

    Ha! Nicely done Sandra. I often wonder how people got on sharing like that – what if your neighbours were unwashed, filthy devils. The thought of what might be lurking … Vividly written

    Like

  16. rgayer55 says:

    How did you know the toliet in the photo was avacado? I can’t remember where Connie picked it up, or what her plans are for it, but the tub in the background is avacado too.
    When it’s ten degrees outside, you’ll appreciate that someone warmed the wood before you got there. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Iain Kelly says:

    Haha, that horrible feeling when you walk into a loo that has clearly just been used… Wonderfully funny Sandra.

    Like

  18. bbryanthomas says:

    Two up and two down. Terraced houses. The gasworks. What memories

    Like

  19. pennygadd51 says:

    Ow! What a description! “Transfixed by the neat squares of newspaper skewered on a nail” No wonder granddaughter was constipated!

    Like

  20. Life Lessons of a Dog Lover says:

    Ha loved this. It rings true.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. plaridel says:

    this reminds me a of story about a filipina who brought her new american husband to the philippines. when he told her he had to take of business, she gave her a newspaper.

    “it’s too dark there,” he said. “how do you expect me to read?.”

    finally, it dawned on him that it was for a different purpose. 🙂

    Like

  22. Oh! What a fun take on the prompt. I worked with a woman who wouldn’t use the toilet if anyone else was in the building. Eight hours in a dental office without using the facilities makes for a very long day ~ I would assume.

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  23. Loved this, Sandra. You writings are always beautiful.

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  24. The potty withhold, I have been there. Love your take on the prompt.

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  25. Ha ha ha ha ha. I used to feel like that when we went to my granny’s home during summer vacations. They had a really old loo, and water had to be filled in a bucket and taken inside.

    Like

  26. draliman says:

    Ha! I like the apostrophes – truly an inconvenient “convenience”!

    Like

  27. Nan Falkner says:

    Our house in Arkansas had a green toilet too – each bathroom a different theme and color. Cute and Cute story! Clever too!

    Like

  28. I had an aunt with a double toilet in the garden which had a long toilet with two holes in the lid! Also, my local pub has outdoor loos because it’s a 500-year-old isted building and they are not allowed to change bring them indoors. Nice one Sandra.

    Click to read my FriFic!

    Like

  29. Liz Young says:

    This rings so true! Staying with my godmother, I wasn’t allowed to lock the bathroom door. I am still paranoid about locking toilet doors now.

    Like

  30. I can feel the pain of holding on. Lucky she is young and doesn’t have shot pelvic floor muscles.

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  31. granonine says:

    Puts me in mind of the outhouse visits I used to dread when visiting my Colorado grandparents. One year, they finally had a bathroom installed INSIDE the house!!

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  32. Happens. I often do the same. Nothing like home to let go!

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  33. I remember an aunt of mine having an outdoor toilet with a long wooden seat with two holes in it! My local pub has outdoor loos because it’s a 500-year-old listed building and they are not allowed to bring them inside! I have a lovely bathroom, indoors.

    Click to read my FriFic!

    Like

  34. Hilarious but entirely possible. I’ve used an outside “convenience” at state parks in the 1950’s but not with squares of newspaper on a nail. Good writing as always, Sandra. 😀 — Suzanne

    Like

  35. ellenbest24 says:

    Not sure a warm seat would get me performing either… good write.

    Like

  36. Laurie Bell says:

    Hahahahaha a great story filled with humor! What is it about grandparents bathrooms being creepy, weird or interesting!

    Liked by 1 person

  37. Ha… I can sympathize with this, but a good outhouse has its advantages too.

    Like

  38. magarisa says:

    How fortunate we are to have indoor plumbing! A funny, yet horrifying story.

    Like

  39. Dan Bohn says:

    I particularly liked “My grandmother shrugged, not sharing her sister’s preoccupation.”

    Like

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