Handling Rejection (Friday Fictioneers, May 2013)

Photo courtesy of Kent Bonham

It’s that time of the week again, Friday Fictioneers kicking off on Wednesday, thanks to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. 

Unthinkable… asking her out like that.

Unbearable, watching a cruel mocking response forming.

Instead she’d tossed her thick honey-coloured braid and laughed as she walked away.  She’d let him off lightly.

Following her back to that palatial hotel, the full measure of her unattainability struck him like a body-blow; they were worlds apart.

Today he sits behind her on the bus, inhaling her presence.

He rises for his stop, removing his hand from his pocket … light flashes on steel.

On the pavement, he registers her silent scream through the rain-spattered window.

He runs the honey-coloured braid through his fingers.

He’s let her off lightly.




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About Sandra

I cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and write fiction and poetry. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
This entry was posted in Friday Fictioneers, Just Sayin' and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

86 Responses to Handling Rejection (Friday Fictioneers, May 2013)

  1. Dear Sandra,
    There’s revenge of a different nature. Not what you had me expecting when he pulled the knife. Good job.
    Shalom,
    Rochelle

    Like

  2. Sandra, I just love the narrator’s voice you’ve written here. It seems so authentic and creepy.

    Like

  3. Art – and psychology. You’ve exposed mens’ psychosis. I learnt long ago to watch out for the weak, and unsuccessful ones (unsuccessful not after trying, no, other kinds) – they are the ones who might abuse, and theorise and justify just as your bus passenger. Chilling. Greatlexicon.

    Like

  4. Shreyank says:

    great twist in the story ! loved this Sandra… 🙂

    Like

  5. I come here each week with my hand poised to hit “like” and I’ve not yet been disappointed.

    janet

    Like

  6. Parul says:

    Chilling!
    I loved the way you set the whole stage here, I knew, as a reader, that we were headed somewhere dark, but it still surprised me as we got there. You set the mood, the pace just right!
    Great work, but that’s nothing new 🙂

    Like

  7. Ese' s Voice says:

    That’ s a privilegy to be in his mind – especially when it’ s penned so well. Unnoticable, yet so unpredictable. Intense.

    Like

  8. Joe Owens says:

    Wow Sandra, had me guessing and like the others I guessed wrong. The guy needs some therapy.

    Like

  9. Penny L Howe says:

    How sad yet true (the thought process of some). The twist at the end excellent, Sandra! Your written word exceedingly well done. 🙂

    Like

  10. Sue says:

    As ever Sandra your mind keeps us guessing

    Like

  11. wmqcolby says:

    Chilling! I thought of Jack The Ripper immediately! Sandra, as always, you delivered the goods here. Nice!

    Like

  12. Vbholmes says:

    Love it–great revenge story. And a souvenir to remind him of his restraint.

    Like

  13. Great twist at the end; now he can run his fingers through her hair anytime he wants! Very effective story, Sandra.

    Like

  14. billgncs says:

    Whoa… now that’s the Sandra we know and fear 🙂 — I really liked this one and it’s braided ending.

    Like

  15. “He lets her off lightly.”
    Creepy and dangerous… Will she learn to be kind…? Perhaps.. 😉

    Like

  16. kz says:

    oh wow this is crazy and sooo sooo awesome. that last line “He lets her off lightly.” was just perfect.

    Like

  17. Steve B says:

    I love it. Suprise twist, you expect the worst, and then you get a taste a sweet, non-fatal revenge. Delightfully wicked!

    Like

  18. nightlake says:

    a weird man. but an imaginative story. well-told

    Like

  19. zookyworld says:

    I didn’t see that flash of steel coming, but on re-reading the story, I think the tone of the narrator holds true throughout. And a neat pairing with both letting each other off lightly. Thankfully, he just took her braid!

    Like

  20. Brilliant, Sandra.
    Started well, built up beautifully and a pow! ending.
    Absolutely loved it.

    Like

  21. Linda Vernon says:

    Sandra, this is a perfect 100-word story. So well done. 😀

    Like

  22. Catherine Louise Gurganus says:

    Love it.

    Like

  23. Hmm, a “hair-razing” experience!
    Sorry, couldn’t resist. Great job!
    Scott

    Like

  24. Honie Briggs says:

    Excellent. Completely unexpected. Oooo that honey-colored braid never saw it coming either.

    Like

  25. Unexpected ending. Great writing.

    Like

  26. Unexpected end, a relief certainly, but still cruel in a way only a weakling can be,

    Like

  27. claudia says:

    Wow, this is wild! I love it, the totally opposite of what is expected but anguish none the less!

    Like

  28. Freak! Lol..nice job.

    Like

  29. Jan Brown says:

    Revenge! The unthinkable seems to happen…then we realize it’s just a lock of hair that was cut! Great job!

    Like

  30. WOah! I thought he’d stabbed her. I never saw the haircut coming, though you foreshadowed it well.

    Like

  31. EagleAye says:

    Wo, that was a scary one. I thought he would…you know. Very intense, even though he didn’t…you know.

    Like

  32. Anne Orchard says:

    A scary glimpse into a twisted mind. Next time he might not be so restrained.

    Like

  33. troy P. says:

    Damn Sandra, we finally get warm temps up Bflo way, and you’ve got me sitting here shivering.

    Like

  34. dreaminofobx says:

    So creepy, but so perfectly plausible. It seems recent events have totally prepared us to expect murder, so getting mayhem instead provides a bigger shock. Great job!

    Like

  35. Pingback: Quarry | Things I See and Know

  36. elappleby says:

    HI Sandra
    this is brilliant – perfect even. I love ‘inhaling her presence’ for its sheer creepiness. And the surprise at the end when he has only cut her braid. And the lucky escape she had because it could have been worse. And… I could go on. This is a huge story inside a tiny one. Loved it.

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      Thank you! I’m glad you liked it. There are some people who do this, and I can think of nothing creepier…the ultimate assault. Hell, I’m frightening myself all over again!

      Like

  37. Carrie says:

    Oh, not the kind of ending I expected…definitely let her off lightly, hair does grow back 🙂

    Like

  38. unspywriter says:

    Oooh, what a wonderful twist! That bastard, but how brilliant–the ultimate revenge without shedding any blood. Heh. Heh.

    Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/post-modern-ossuary/

    Like

  39. JackieP says:

    Now that was kind of creepy. Good one!

    Like

  40. pamtanzey says:

    Wow! I was holding my breath, I had to read it twice! Good job, wow!

    Like

  41. She better be careful….next time, it may be more than her braid…like her neck from ear to ear. Sorry, my bad. Been watching the Jodie Arias trial all week. Well done, Sandra

    Like

  42. rgayer55 says:

    Excellent story, Sandra. Some folks take rejection seriously. Glad she only lost her braid.

    Like

  43. kdillmanjones says:

    The writing is so engaging, I almost feel sympathy for him. Nicely done.

    Like

  44. Mystikel says:

    Chilling. The twist is humorous until you realize he is still a very, very scary guy. Very well done.

    Like

  45. neenslewy says:

    I was guessing to the end, you spun the story out well. Your main character is well rounded for a flash, we know a lot about his past in such a short space of story!

    Like

  46. It’s already been said, but… Creepy. Long ago I read “The Rape of the Lock.” I don’t remember much about it, but this truly gives the concept of stealing a lady’s hair a sinister twist!

    Like

  47. claireful says:

    Fantastic story this week Sandra. I was really expecting her throat to be slit. Great writing.
    Claire

    Like

  48. Sarah Ann says:

    On my first read I ended up smiling, on re-reading I realise this was maybe an incorrect response. Your writing is so subtle that with a different frame of mind the innocent can become terrifying.

    Like

  49. Great story, creepy… Nice character development. Clever twist too, almost a twist on a twist.

    Like

  50. Great story, creepy… Nice character development. Clever twist too, almost a twist on a twist..

    Like

  51. Lyn says:

    The telling of the story and the characters are excellent. Some of these comment show a twisted mind similar to your MC 😀

    Like

I'd love to hear your views; it reassures me I'm not talking to myself.

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