Hot Date (Friday Fictioneers, May 2013)

Copyright Danny Bowman

It’s time for Friday Fictioneers again – thanks to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields.  🙂

We’re still cruising… it’s still raining.  😦

At first silence.  Then a ticking as the car’s wheels spin lazily in the air; the hiss of snowflakes falling on the upturned chassis.

She turns a blood-streaked face towards him… moans.

“I’ll get help, Ellie, just hang on,” he pleads, levering himself out of the shattered window.

“Tonight’s been a blast,’ he thinks, slithering down the hillside back to the town, “it can’t end this way.”

Stealing the Mustang, robbing the Seven-11.  She’d loved it. Loved him.

He sees the payphone ahead, and quickens his pace.

And then, he remembers what he did for an encore.

She’ll die laughing.

About Sandra

I used to cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and wrote fiction and poetry. Now I live on the beautiful Dorset coast, enjoying the luxury of being able to have a cat, cultivating an extensive garden and getting involved in the community. I still write fiction, but only when the spirit moves me - which isn't as often as before. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
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39 Responses to Hot Date (Friday Fictioneers, May 2013)

  1. Dear Sandra,
    That must’ve been some encore! Sharp, well-written story as always. Love the last line.


    • Sandra says:

      Hi Rochelle, sorry to be late acknowledging – internet issues. Thank you; I think over editing may have concealed the fact that the encore had been his trashing the phone booth – so now he can’t ring for help. Can’t win ’em all. 😉


  2. kdillmanjones says:

    Oh, she’ll die laughing… poor soul. Or laughing soul? Great story. I want to know more about the backstory now!


  3. Catherine Louise Gurganus says:

    Ouch! Great story.


  4. Kwadwo says:

    Sounds like a modern day Bonnie and Clyde.
    What’s he going to do, by the way?


  5. You’ve put me in mind of someone I do not normally identify with; interesting.


  6. Carrie says:

    And here I was going to be sympathetic to the characters, experiencing such a horrific car crash! But they are fugitives!


  7. I don’t see him making that phone call. Poor Ellie. Your writing just pulls me into the story.



  8. Nicely done. Sounds like a wild date…


  9. Penny L Howe says:

    Well grim to say the least, but so very well written Sandra. Yes it did evoke feelings from me. Wow, he’s some kind of character isn’t he! Great last line! 🙂


  10. wmqcolby says:

    Sandra how are you DOING this on a consistent basis???? Brilliant!!!! I live in Kansas where Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow went on their robbing/killing sprees and it’s SO much like what they did. This was GREAT! Make … story …NOW!! 🙂


  11. Honie Briggs says:

    awwww, bay boy having a bad day? the last line is terrific!


  12. Helena Hann-Basquiat says:

    You have surprised me every week with your choice of genre — and you’ve excelled whatever choice you’ve made, darling. The pathos dripping off those last couple of lines was sheer genius.


  13. Linda Vernon says:

    Anybody that climbs out of a shattered car window while thinking what a blast the evening has been is a character of the most intriguing kind. Oh so well done Sandra! 😀


  14. pirate says:

    And he’ll think it’ funny when he finds he has no coins for the phone either, and then even funnier when he is too weak to call anymore, and remembers he doesn’t need coins for an emergency…yes, a great find he’s been for Ellie…


  15. claireful says:

    I love the way you turn our sympathies right in the middle of such a short piece – that’s really sharp writing.


  16. Terrific little twisting tale, full of surprises.
    Loved it.


  17. No encores, please. Just reading the performance was enough. Make the damn call. Nice upsetting piece. Randy


  18. Kir Piccini says:

    Oh Sandra! OHHHHHHH. This was so creative and the twist at the end, the turn of him, his thoughts, our sympathies…Brilliant. 🙂


  19. Wow! That’s dark. Don’t think I want to stick around for the encore, great story!


  20. Beth Carter says:

    Yowza. Two plot twists in 100 words. WELL done. Loved it.


  21. neenslewy says:

    An amazing flash – you are a true flash-teller – original take on prompt – reminded me of Bonnie and Clyde too!


  22. unspywriter says:

    Oooh, I’m curious too what the encore is! Nicely done internal dialogue.

    Here’s mine:


  23. Joe Owens says:

    No one but her knows what he did. I think he will walk away.


  24. Absolutely have to agree with everyone else. Great plot twists and turns – and I suspect he thinks she’ll remember how he wrecked the telephone earlier….


  25. They’re quite tragic characters. Great final line. I always enjoy reading your stories.


  26. EmmaMc says:

    You always manage to get in a twist at the end. I need to know what that encore is. The dialogue is so well placed. Poor Ellie, a grim end for her.


  27. H. Ken Abell says:

    Enjoyed this very much — as a Tarantino fan, I couldn’t help but picture Tim Roth and Amanda Plummer in these roles…


  28. John Hardy Bell says:

    As soon as I read the words ‘blood-streaked face’ I thought “vintage Sandra! 🙂 This story feels like a “True Romance” to me!! Nice to know that I can take such a long break from the Fictioneers and come back to stories are just as great ever!


  29. Amazing as usual.. turning our sympathies like this..


  30. Sinister is all I can say. Well done. I really liked this.


  31. JackieP says:

    I’m not sure I can add anything to what everyone else has said. Well done!


  32. petrujviljoen says:

    It’s terrible. By that I mean, if it made me feel terrible it was well written.


  33. Sarah Ann says:

    What more did they do? Really enjoyed the tension and rapid-fire delivery of their night of carnage.


  34. Sandra says:

    Thanks to all who commented on this story. Normally I like to acknowledge each personally, but I’m really strapped for mobile internet connection this week, so instead I’ll try to get to read each of your stories and comment/like. My monthly allowance expires today, and we’ve needed to eke it out because we’ve been trying to make for port through seriously flooded rivers and we’ve needed to assign priority to using internet for checking on flood levels and weather forecasts for the last week. I really do appreciate you all visiting the site and reading and commenting. 🙂


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