Crossing Over (Friday Fictioneers, March 2014)

Copyright Adam Ickes

“Can you hear me?”

Momentarily she stirs.

I curl myself around her, chin on her shoulder.

“Can you feel me?”

She rubs her cheek into the pillow.

“Will you miss me?”

A soft moan, the barest whimper.

“Say you’ll remember me.”

Her eyelids fly open, body tense as she stares into the darkness.

The bedside phone is ringing, urgently shrill with news that will change her world, and that of many others.  Yawning, she picks it up and listens.

Her hand covers her mouth, and helplessly I watch the silent scream form.

“I won’t be far away, love,” I whisper, unheard.

 

I’m not comfortable with sentiment, so I guess I’m in for an uncomfortable day here.  😦    Friday Fictioneers kicks off again today with a photo from Adam Ickes, under the guiding hands of Rochelle Wisoff-Fields.  Why not join us?   Anybody having trouble linking up with WordPress might try changing their browser.  Firefox kept telling me the site was busy, but changing to Chrome did the trick. 

About Sandra

I cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and write fiction and poetry. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
This entry was posted in Friday Fictioneers, Just Sayin' and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

77 Responses to Crossing Over (Friday Fictioneers, March 2014)

  1. Dear Sandra,

    How you come up with such an amazing story so quickly is beyond me. Breathtaking. Love the POV.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

  2. Just lovely. Simple, surprising and really really sad. I believe things like this actually happen after death and you’ve captured it perfectly.

    Like

  3. Locomente says:

    Gave me goosebumps…
    Was too good that I read twice!
    Well narrated!

    Like

  4. Sandra, this is beautifully written and superbly structured: the loving mood, the slow realization of what’s happening, the last line which confirms it. Wonderful!

    Like

  5. MrBinks says:

    :,(

    Like

  6. This is a really sad but beautiful story, Sandra. I could picture it. I read it a second time also for full appreciation.

    Like

  7. Sandra, this is especially timely as people search for the missing jet, but it could be any time a disaster strikes. Wonderfully done. As for sentiment, we all have it; live with it. 🙂

    janet

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      They do say that as a writer you should make a point of writing in a genre/style that makes you feel uncomfortable. Next week I shall probably try erotica… or better still, dialogue laced with exclamation and questions marks… 😉

      Like

  8. Sandra,
    this is so tragic and poignant at the same time, no less because of his inability to communicate with her. Wonderful story.
    -David

    Like

  9. Adam Ickes says:

    Very sad, but also very good.

    Like

  10. Dee says:

    A really sad and poignant tale. Loved it Sandra – well done
    Dee

    Like

  11. claireful says:

    Oh Sandra, this is one of your best. Wonderful writing. It really gave me goosebumps and I had to / wanted to read it several times.
    Claire

    Like

  12. paulmclem says:

    Wow. Like this. Had to read it a couple of times before the penny dropped, but it was worth it. Excellent atmosphere and story telling here, Sandra. Kudos!

    Like

  13. M. R. says:

    As you can see, you’re far from talking to yourself. I was delighted with this short piece of writing, Sandra – I doubt any critic (qualified to be so!) could find anything to nadge about within it. It’s a gem of a little thing, and you should be proud.

    Like

  14. K.Z. says:

    Sandra, this was mournful yet sweet and very beautifully written. I used to wonder what would happen after I die, whether I’ll have the chance to linger for a while and visit my loved ones just before I leave…

    Like

  15. Jan Brown says:

    Beautiful, Sandra. Just beautiful

    Like

  16. misskzebra says:

    Very subtle. I like it.

    Like

  17. How a phonecall can change a life.. so well described..

    Like

  18. Wow! This was so sad but also very moving. I read it over and then I got goose bumps.

    Like

  19. elmowrites says:

    Sandra, what a beautiful story. I’m shuddering inside as you’ve plumped right into a deep-held fear – not that we cross over, but that we cross over without saying goodbye. Great POV, great way of telling it. This could apply to so many situations in the world, past and present (sadly, future too).

    Like

  20. This is such a clever piece Sandra, I love the way the take is wound round, the sense of death clear to me. Funny how this photo has promoted a few responses such as this including my own.

    Like

  21. This brought a tear to my eye.

    Like

  22. Strange how a photo brings such different… and similar… stories to mind. 😉 This is hauntingly beautiful, Sandra. I’m with Rochellle; how amazing that you wrote this so quickly!

    Like

  23. JackieP says:

    It might have made you uncomfortable, but obviously it, did you good as the story is great. The emotions are high, sadder about the departed and the emotion after the phone call. Wonderfully done Sandra.

    Like

  24. erinleary says:

    Oh so good – this one snuck up on me, but I love that. It was subtle and moving. Beautifully done.

    Erin

    Like

  25. Hi Sandra,
    You pulled a dramatic story straight from the headlines, as they say. You must have some sentimentality in you to write this. I agree with Rochelle. I’m always amazed at the speed of your inspiration. I had to think about it most of a day to come up with my drabble. Ron

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      Thanks Ron. I keep any sentimentality I might have well buried – I’m not a pretty sight when I’ve been crying. Re the speed of response – if I don’t get the inspiration within half an hour of seeing the prompt I know I’m going to struggle. And if it’s not there within a couple of hours whatever, if anything, emerges is usually quite ‘forced’ in my opinion.

      Like

  26. plaridel says:

    good until the last drop… er, line.

    Like

  27. vbholmes says:

    So well conceived and executed, Sandra–very moving story well told.

    Like

  28. Reminds me of Ghost

    Like

  29. Sad but very beautiful, and exquisitely told

    Like

  30. Very interesting and touching story. And no Beatles! Thanks, Sandra.

    Like

  31. Amy Reese says:

    I love the point of here, Sandra. I could just feel this person watching her and wanting to reach her. Well done.

    Like

  32. Ow, but this is hauntingly beautiful Sandra. I read it twice and almost teared up. 🙂

    Like

  33. Sometimes your stories require multiple readings — not because they’re obtuse (or perhaps I’m obtuse) but because sometimes you play tricks. This time, it was clear from the first sentence what was going on, and it just sucked me in. Very well done, darling, and fantastic choice of narrator, as many others have already said.

    Liked by 1 person

  34. elappleby says:

    Hi Sandra
    I had the same issue with Firefox, it kept not letting me into my blog, I thought it was rusty with misuse, but switching browser did the trick! Great story, multi-layered as usual. You do sentiment very well – with a twist

    Liked by 1 person

  35. AnnIsikArts says:

    Oh, excellent. I had to read this a few times to ‘get it’. At first I thought it might be a dog or cat. Then I realised. You don’t do sentiment, but you do do Love. Ann

    Liked by 1 person

  36. Really enjoyed the “call and response” effect of the two voices Sandra

    Liked by 1 person

  37. atrm61 says:

    A bitter sweet story of love and death-sad yet so beautiful and yes,loved the “creepy” element too-shiver!Excellent once again Sandra:-)

    Liked by 1 person

  38. Sun says:

    to watch a silent scream form would be heart wrenching…i enjoyed your story.

    Liked by 1 person

  39. Sad yet beautifully written- I hope the bereaved will someday be able to sense their lost one’s presence.

    Liked by 1 person

  40. Nan Falkner says:

    Sandra, you are Wonderful! What a story, so sad but beautifully done. Great job and you are really a good writer! Thanks for the tale. Nan

    Liked by 1 person

  41. Sarah Ann says:

    Absolutely beautiful and so well told.

    Liked by 1 person

  42. Well captured and oh so sad!

    Liked by 1 person

  43. wmqcolby says:

    Woooow! Very succinct, crisp and chilling to me. Sandra, it rates a home run. Thank-you for this. It’s wonderful!

    Liked by 1 person

I'd love to hear your views; it reassures me I'm not talking to myself.

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