You Called…? (Friday Fictioneers, May 2012)

Madison Woods’ Friday Fictioneers photo prompt for this week.

“Nothing’s happening, let’s go.”

“Just one more try.”

The twins peered nervously at the surrounding forest.  Melissa could be very intense, and she was scaring them now.

Melissa resumed her incantation.  She’d called it a Wiccan invocation; in reality she was just making stuff up as she went along.

The clouds parted, bathing the clearing in pale moonlight

“Look!”

A trail of hoof-shaped indentations was advancing stealthily towards them, flattening the grass beneath.

The twins screamed.

Invisible icy hands gripped Melissa’s neck and foetid breath assailed her nostrils.

“So very kind of you, my dear … now, who’s first?”

About Sandra

I used to cruise the French waterways with my husband four or five months a year, and wrote fiction and poetry. Now I live on the beautiful Dorset coast, enjoying the luxury of being able to have a cat, cultivating an extensive garden and getting involved in the community. I still write fiction, but only when the spirit moves me - which isn't as often as before. I love animals, F1 motor racing, French bread and my husband, though not necessarily in that order.
This entry was posted in Friday Fictioneers, Just Sayin'. Bookmark the permalink.

109 Responses to You Called…? (Friday Fictioneers, May 2012)

  1. Brandon Scott says:

    I guess she made up the wrong stuff as she went, or would it have showed up regardless of what she said? This is why you should never trust anyone named Melissa. Trust me, I know from first hand experience. I have a sister named Melissa. 🙂

    “Invisible icy hands ice gripped…” Typo?

    Like

  2. The best unlaid unplans… don’t mess with Mother Nature – or the Father of Lies! Very nicely told, as always.

    Like

  3. Jeannie says:

    Lord have mercy! They’ve been got!! What a story in so few words. It gave me goosebumps!

    Like

  4. Ooooooh, dabbled in the wrong incantations–wonder how she’s going to break the spell and send that creature with the icy hands and foul breath “back.” Well done–wonderfully spooky.

    Mine: http://www.vlgregory-circa1800.vpweb.com/blog.html

    Like

  5. teschoenborn says:

    Hmm, maybe they shouldn’t have messed with what they didn’t understand? Nicely done.

    Here’s mine:http://teschoenborn.com/2012/05/10/friday-fictioneers-et-wannabe/

    Like

  6. sphrbn says:

    Wow, what a story in a matter of 100 words. Haunting, creepy, great, I wouldn’t want to read this on Halloween, haha.

    Like

  7. Linda says:

    It just goes to show what happens when you play with things you don’t understand – really nice and a very simple fable 🙂

    Here’s mine: http://womanontheedgeofreality.com/2012/05/11/friday-fictioneers-painting-creation/

    Like

  8. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Sandra,

    Ad libbing can be dangerous. A marvelous story that ends poorly for some and nicely for the one called. Wicked, you are to your characters.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    You’ve visited the moon with me and I thank you. This link is for others lost in the woods tonight.

    http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/05/10/last-of-the-first/

    Like

  9. rochellewisoff says:

    Creepy. Good writing.

    Like

  10. Charming cautionary tale about messing with magic. I always warned my little kid’s covens not to play with fire. You never know what you might stir up.
    I really did – and I really do believe that somehow, even though I don’t actually believe in anything except that “Anything is possible.”
    I hope that helps make me a good writer…
    Yours, as ever,
    Laura
    http://fictionvictimtoo.blogspot.com

    Like

  11. joannalazuliportals says:

    Wonderfully spooky and I think the twins’ evening has just got a lot worse….well done.

    Ours is here, at 160 words: http://www.lazuli-portals.com/flash-fiction/moon-and-sky

    Like

  12. Caerlynn Nash says:

    Nice tension. Well done!

    Like

  13. I laughed up the line about her making up the Wiccan stuff. But creepy cool ending. 🙂

    http://littlewonder2.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/friday-fictioneers-the-night/

    Like

  14. Wow…hate it when that happens. This is definitely a very nice blend of humor and horror (in my mind).

    Like

  15. KT McClure says:

    Kids, what are you gonna do? And I always enjoy a sense of gleeful evil.
    Kathy

    http://notforallmarkets.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/stay/

    Like

  16. Amazingly scary! Loved it – totally got goosebumps! Here’s mine:http://theforgottenwife.com/2012/05/11/friday-fictioneers/

    Like

  17. Very good example of “be careful what you ask for.” Nicely done. Here’s mine: http://melodypearson.com/flash-fiction/friday-fictioneers-photo-prompt/

    Like

  18. Russell says:

    I jump to the conclusion that this is the goat-like demon, Azazel, from the hoof prints. A nice haunting tale. I hope there’s a hero somewhere near by.

    thanks for visiting mine. here’s the link for others http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/

    Like

  19. Sheila says:

    I love this! I was right there with them,holding my breath. Great job!

    Like

  20. That will teach you to play with things you don’t understand. A very realistic flow, excellent imagery. Nice work!

    Like

  21. Amanda Gray says:

    The foolishness of youth to dabble in the forbidden thinking it a game. Very well done.
    Mine is short this week http://createrealitylivelife.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/friday-flash-fiction-2/

    Like

  22. siobhanmuir says:

    Aieeeee! Run! Okay, deep breath. Great story, Sandra. I loved the suspense and Melissa’s thought she was doing something completely innocent. Then the hoof prints! Eep! Loved it.

    Thanks for commenting on mine. Here it is for others:
    http://siobhanmuir.blogspot.com/2012/05/watchers-100words-for-fridayfictioneers.html

    Siobhan

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      Thanks Siobhan. It was hard to convey the vision of footprints from an invisible persona, especially with a word restriction. I’m still not sure I completely achieved that.

      Like

  23. Be careful what you ask for. You may surely get it! Great story!
    My story is here: http://bridgesareforburning.wordpress.com/

    Like

  24. janmorrill says:

    Whoa! That’s what I call a hard lesson. Well done. I felt the impending doom with each sentence!

    –Jan
    http://janmorrill.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/flashfriday-fictioneers-hes-watching/

    Like

  25. writelindy says:

    Great. I felt like wagging a finger at her to warn her. Love this one. Just clocked that you are a F1 fan. Enjoy this weekend’s viewing.

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      Thanks Lindy. I am soooo looking forward to watching it live this weekend (we don’t have Sky). I don’t think the BBC realises that to follow the true race picture you need to know who’s pitted, who’s on which tyres etc, so edited highlights just don’t cut it for me.

      Like

  26. Brian Benoit says:

    A nice twist with her fake incantation backfiring. You set just the right spooky mood to make that last line really stick. Well done!

    -Brian (http://pinionpost.com/2012/05/11/the-runaway/)

    Like

  27. Lora Mitchell says:

    …”bathing the clearing in pale moonlight..” Lovely and poetic in a creepy setting. Foetid breath. Good word…had to look it up, even though I knew what it meant. I want to think the darkness and moonlight got the best of their imaginations and it’s their bratty, older brother scaring the bejeezus out of them. lol. Thanks for visiting me.

    Like

  28. Jess Schira says:

    That’ll teach them to mess with things they don’t understand. Excellent job with this week’s prompt 🙂

    Like

  29. glossarch says:

    “Don’t trust strange incantations.” Anti-superstitious as I am, I will not look in the mirror and do the whole Bloody Mary thing. Because who knows? What happened to the twins…might happen to me!

    There was only one thing that tripped me up slightly, and I wasn’t going to mention it except that Lora liked the word. It’s interesting because it broke the spell a little bit for me, so perhaps it’s just individual taste that makes Lora and I have opposite reactions.

    Here’s mine:
    http://glossarch.wordpress.com/2012/05/12/persistence-friday-fictioneers/

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      That’s interesting. I don’t think I’ve ever used foetid before; Although I knew how it was truly spelt, I put ‘fetid’ at first and the ‘checker’ picked it up for correction. Thanks for commenting.

      Like

  30. elmowrites says:

    Fascinating take on the prompt, Sandra, I wonder whether that was what Melissa intended, and whether the offer is a positive one or not (I fear not!).
    I’m over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/friday-fiction-halloween/

    Like

  31. erinleary says:

    Oh my goodness. A tale of innocence turns macabre….very nice, indeed.

    Like

  32. Carrie says:

    see, you never should hang out int he woods at night speaking strange words. You never know who will show up! Nicely done

    Like

  33. Gary says:

    Messing with things beyond their comprehension, only to disturb the slumber of something far worse than they could ever imagine in their darkest nightmares…some twisted being with an equally twisted sense of humour!

    Though I’m not sure what it says about me that I laughed… 😉

    http://garybaileywriting.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/fridayfictioneers-moonlight-sonata/

    Like

  34. Be careful what you wish for! Those unintended consequences will come back to bite you.

    My version – http://newpillowbook.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/friday-fictioneers-lunacy/

    Like

  35. Mike says:

    Scary. As others have already said we should be careful what we ask for, you never know just who might be listening.

    Like

  36. JKBradley says:

    Excellent. You should always mind what you say, particularly if you haven’t a clue about what you are saying. This is a lesson for all.

    Here’s mine: http://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/2012/05/10/flash-fiction-friday-3/

    Like

  37. Madison Woods says:

    Hey, I like that reminder there on your comment comment. If you want to disable the option to follow comments, you can from the ‘Discussions’ heading. But it disables for the entire blog, just comments not blog follows though.

    As for your story, I liked it. Your girl should have been more careful what she asked for!

    Like

  38. yaral says:

    She definitely got more than she bargained for. Nice Job
    here’s mine http://yaralwrites.com/

    Like

  39. Gilly Gee says:

    Very scarey! I feel like i’m in the presence of a great talent.

    Like

  40. This is excellent. The footprints bring it right home. Sharp and focused writing.

    Like

  41. Judee says:

    Poor Melissa, too bad she won’t have a chance to learn from her experience. Great job Sandra.

    Like

  42. Sonia Lal says:

    creepy last line!

    Like

  43. Amy Reese says:

    Such a fresh look at a witch’s tale. I like that she didn’t know what she was getting into. What a chilling end!

    I really like this sentence: A trail of hoof-shaped indentations was advancing stealthily towards them, flattening the grass beneath. Great work!

    Like

    • Sandra says:

      Thanks Amy. That was a difficult concept to get into words. I remember seeing it on an old Quatermass film, with footprints advancing towards the victim in gravel, but it’s hard to describe.

      Like

  44. An intense story for the same photo prompt as August 5, 2015. It was scary. Another great write, Sandra. 😎

    Liked by 1 person

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